WAW willing to give it another go

[EnergyAZ]

Well it has been a wild ride since my W told me she wanted a divorce 12/31. But now things appear to be progressing to the point I will be posting in this forum (piecing) until further notice lol

To recap....I have a prototypical WAW (which I created) that also seems to have a bit of MLC (just based off symptoms & experiences I have read here). 2008 was supposed to be a big year for us as we were planning for our 2nd child. But New Years Eve she dropped the bomb and 2008 wasnt looking so good after all. Its been a wild ride in 2008 so far, and I doubt its quite done yet.

12/31: Bomb
1/1 - 1/9: She is very distant while I am DBing like a madman.
1/10: Personal counseling session for W
1/10: Driving home from counseling session, W calls me saying she thinks we might have a chance after all.
1/11: She goes back to saying its over, nothing I can do about it.
1/11pm: She seems to backtrack yet again and is very sweet and optimistic about the R
1/12: Continues riding up the sweetness wave, very affectionate.
1/14: 1st joint Marital Counseling session w/ same therapist wife saw alone.
1/14pm: Who is this woman? She hasnt been this sweet and affectionate to me in years! She is an absolute cuddle bunny. We stayed up till 2am just talking - like the old days when we 1st met. She mentions a few baby names she always loved. She mentions not wanting to be prego over the holidays - says she wants to get prego next month! She calls her mother & father, tells them to stop worrying about us, everything is going to be fine, etc.
1/15: So far so good. Sends me sweet email about how much she has enjoyed the last few days. She expresses fear/concern I may become complacent and fall back into bad habits, but otherwise a very sweet little message.

I have been DBing the whole time...through this roller coaster's ups and downs. I have presented consistent behavior regardless if I am getting cold shoulder or hugs.



I have some character flaws. Who doesnt? A genuine desire to address these flaws & taking steps to do just that....

+

Integrating as many DBing techniques into my daily life & interaction with W

=

HOPE






OK - now what? 'Piecing' is a process in and of itself. Outside the obvious (maintain consistency in efforts to improve self & marriage) what else might one overlook?

[Heath1]

That's good man, really good! I am in the same similar situation, but my wife is very distant. She did agree to go to counseling, so I've been trying to set up appointments all week.

She broke the news to me on 1/07/08 - Way to start out a year and my birtday is on 1/26.....go figure

[EnergyAZ]

LOL

My b-day is the 23rd! How funny is that? (Aquarius rules!)

Hang in there...the fact she agreed to counseling is massive.

I am stunned by how much she has changed for the better after our 1st session. Very encouraging and makes me look forward to continuing.

The 1st session was hardly more than a 'getting to know you' thing between me and the therapist.

But just being there, being open to everything, putting my best foot forward...really seemed to radically change my wife's perspective on everything.

Seriously - she was telling me there was NOTHING I could do to change her mind not 3 days ago. All I did was show up and put my best foot forward in MC and she has been transformed. Very motivating for me to continue with the counseling (and the DB tips...cant stress how helpful they are)

Gotta mean it dude - she will see, she will appreciate and you will be back on your way!

Good luck!

[Heath1]

That is good to hear and very encouraging.

She has been telling me there is nothing I can do, so I'm going to start and lay low. I'm still going to do all the normal things, like make dinner and such.

By any chance is your wife Korean?

[EnergyAZ]

No, not Korean. But female all the same! lol

(jk ladies - you know we love ya!)

[Heath1]

Hope all goes well for you man.

You know it's funny, I looked at the sadness and horror at other couples going through this very instance in their lives and remember saying to myself, "Man, I'm glad that's not going to happen to me."

Then what happens? An atom bomb dropped on my head 6 days after New Year's.

Best of luck to you!
Dude, the emotions you go through are very intense to say the least.

[cat03]

hey there, welcome. At the danger of being a wet blanket just wanted to throw this idea out there, just for you to considered it: there is such a thing as the 'honeymoon' phase, when all is rosy and great for a while, and then things change. Your W seems to have some sort of mood swings.
I hope and pray things keep moving forward, and that you guys don't stop seeing the MC for a few months.