Grrrr..... I'm so frustrated right now.. I watched the kids for a while and noticed her phone was left behind. Every ounce of my bieng couldn't restrain myself from going thru it. I know, I know. I said I wouldn't snoop anymore..but, I had to.... She's been talking to O/M.. surrrrprize-surrrrrprize..
Just when I think things are settling down. Dammmitiittttt........
My wife is in love with another man. Point blank. She just----- won't----- END---- it. I changed his contact info in her phone to say A**hole.. Then changed it back. Then changed it again to say Future Hubby.. Then changed it back. Changed it a bunch more times till my blood pressure returned to normal and I put it down and left it alone like I never even saw it..
I wish I could be a fly on the wall when there talking. I wish I knew what the heck the "plan" was. I'm just in limbo.. Waiting.. Waiting......Waiting..
She says "Were done" "I don't love you" all the hurtfull stuff..
Whell lets back up.. She was saying all that stuff.. Last week. It's been about six "good" days now.. I thought things were settling down..Most of the calls to O/M were last week right after another blowout between us. and a few here and there.. I wish she would either just hit me over the head with it. Like REally hard and just get it over with.. or Make a teeny tiny little comitment to attempt to work this out.. I hate this.. Living apart "giving her "space"" and all I can think of is O/M that won't go away... I want Soooo bad to call him up and Confront him.. Ask him point blank " Are you in love with MY wife".... I'm litterally seconds away from calling him sometimes...I just can't give HIM that power over me..I can't... I WANT to.. belive me.....ohhhh mannnn..
Guess I'll just pretend I never even saw it.. no sence ruining the "good" streak over something I have no controll over anyways..
well todays another day. I didn't blow up. I just played it off like it never happened. Who knows whats going on all I can do is guess. And by guessing all I do is hurt Myself. Time will tell. Just striving for that one "good" day at a time. Today is a new day. Whatever happens tomorrow, is Tomorrow.. Staying posative. Showing NO reaction.I think now she left the phone behind on purpose so I would Flip out. I'm soo glad I was able to keep kool. Or I'd be right back to square one.
I WILL NOT SNOOP I WILL NOT SNOOP I WILL NOT SNOOP I WILL NOT SNOOP
Be careful what you asked for. There was never a ime when I snooped that I ended up feeling any better about anything. Even if I found nothing, I got so spun up, I stated creating imaginary scenarios in my head. It makes things worse ALL THE TIME! Mike: start right now making plans for YOU. DETACH, DETACH, DETACH. You're letting her actions control you. I think we all do it, but don't recognize it in ourselves!
Can someone point me to some good Detaching threads?
I tell myself stay calm. Let whatever happens happen, it will be ok. But then I wake up pissed off at the world and I want to stroll down to the court myself and file for divorce. Then I say hang in there. Then it's back to I just want to end it. I feel if I go file she will either snap out of it real quick or she'll just say "See, I knew it" I am obviously still very attached. I need some tips on how toDetach so I stop driving myself crazy.
I'm affraid one of these miserable mornings I am going to snap and Ruin everything..
Like the thing with O/M.. My friends tell me "your letting her know that it is ok for her to continue to contact O/M and You won't do a thing about it"
"Your getting walked on"
"Let her know you will not tolerate it" "Give her a taste of her own medicine"
I tell myself this time it's different. She is acountable for her whearabouts. She is not making excuses to "go out" She is not claiming to spend the night at her "friends" house. when I spend the weekend with the kids, She goes to Her familys house, This is true. So there's No psyical "affair" happening that I can tell. She tells me point blank. If there was she would use it to get me to react. I know she would throw it in my face if there was anything there She would use it to get me to fly off the handle. She says That door has been slammed shut, Never to be opened again. She really screwed him over last time and left him with a thousands of dollars in bills along with a ton of other headaches, Broken heart etc... Whaaaa.... She claims he hates her.. I just can't understand WHY????? she continues to contact him? I tell myself there just venting to each other. Then I tell myself she's trying to mend the relationship with him so He'll take her back.So she can Step out of our marrige to her waiting limosine.
I am truely going nuts. I am. Just last night She invited me up for cookies she made and asked me to stay for dinner, Bathtime, bedtime and storytime. Then I get my coat and leave. Not a word said. I leave and "give her space" When deep down I tell myself "She's probably on the phone with him right now as I'm walking to my car... Maybe not.Wait, Yes she is. No she's not. I bet she is.No she's not. Come on be rational. Your bieng played for a fool Mike" Every ounce of my bieng wants to lash out at her and Say WTF is the "plan". This indecision is killing me.
Ughhhhh.. I think I just need to vent. Thanks for listening.
((((Mike)))) Sorry you're going thru this...it sucks big tyme.
I'm no expert as my sitch is way krazy too. But I found that the best way for me to detach was to start doing things that "I" liked to do. Even if I didn't feel like it and ESPECIALLY when I didn't feel like it! Do Not "do things that SHE will notice or things that "I" think she would like to see me doing"...it's not gonna work. You gotta find the one or two things that you enjoy then go do them even if you have to go by yourself. And when you keep doing things that please you, it's gonna show in the way you deal with your W. She WILL see the changes and improvements. This is the only way you will be able to get through the rough times.
Also, stop talking to those friends who are telling you "You're getting walked on"...."Go file yourself". Now I'm not saying stop kickin' it with them or hanging out with your friends...just stop talking about your sitch with them. Until they are in your shoes and feel what you feel, they will not understand. I know they are trying to give you friendly advice...I mean face it, they care about you. They only want the best for you and don't want you to hurt. And that is wonderful. But they don't really know what's best for you...only YOU know what's best for YOU. And if fighting for your marriage and getting your W back is what is best for you then that's what you do. Regardless of what friends, family, neighbors or the dog thinks about it.
They mean well but will add to your anxiety. If it was me, I would just stop telling them what's going on. Find things that you like to do with them other than sit and talk about your R problems. If the convo starts to steer that way just tell em you don't want to talk about it...and keep it movin'!
