There are some similarities in the signs of MLC and some of the things my WAH has done.. do I just assume it's an MLC or Identity Crisis (since he's only 32)...?
Have you read all of the resources here? I think you will find them informative.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
I'm a regular on the newcomers forum but am still wondering about MLC.
My H has a very stressful job.. which he says he loves (and he puts before all else).. he has recently told me that his struggle is that he wants to be single to date other people (which I know means one person in particular but he refuses to admit to that).. things in our M went downhill after our D2 was born (as far as he's mentioned. I was completely out of the loop) and I'm sure I was fully caught up in my new role as Mom and was completely neglectful as a wife... so his feelings of not having passion for me are valid since I may have unintentionally been pushing away due to my own stresses...
He has said recently that he feels that he's spiralling.. which sounds to me like it's a likelyhood that it's MLC.. but I just don't know. It could also be that he was bored and sex starved in our M and this OW is always around and available.. and nice, and easy to talk to.. and interested..
I know that in the scheme of things it doesn't change anything.. but it would be easier for me to accept if it was MLC 'cause I think that it's an illness.. it would be easier to think my H is sick and that I need to stand by him through this illness than it is for me to think that without any thought of a second chance he is able to walk away from our marriage and tear apart our family and our D's security.
I dont know much about your situation, but it does sound to me that your H may be in a MLC as you are suspecting.
My H is completely consumed with his career, tried to have an Affair(which didn't go to well for him), and also said the same things about feeling like he is spiralling and suffocating.
These signs, come from depression and often cause them to have a huge crisis. Buckel your seat belt because you are in for a bumpy long ride on his rollercoaster. This will take years most likely for him to heal and wake up and see that these are all his issues in which he placing the blame on you.
Do not feel guilty about focusing on your role as a mother, it sounds you are just trying to be the best mom you can be and trying to adjust to motherhood. He should be standing by you and supporting you, but he can't becuase he is too busy blaming you (I am sure) for holding him back from all that the world has to offer.
Go with what your gut is telling you, as it definetly sounds like a MLC to me. And yes, it is like a sickness (a mental illness), and they are the only ones that can cure it for themselves. Read everything you can about this for understanding.
I have a list of tips and pointers that I have learned in the past year posted here on the solution-journal thread from Tipper. It may help guide you through some of this also.
Read up, have patience, and have faith!!!!!!!!!! TIPPER
I can say that age does not mean anything just because it is called midlife crisis. I was 59 and never thought it would happen to me. The fist thing that happen was over a decade of no intimate R with my H and then I become depressed and bored and then I started playing internet games b/c I was bored and then first thing you know I was chatting on the internet and then you can probably guess what happened next. So, unless I live to be nearly 120, I don't think it matters what age you are.
I can tell you that it is a horrible feeling and when OP gets involved, which it usually does, it is awful for the entire family. I can also tell you that I probably came out of mine (if I'm out yet) sooner than the average person according to what I have read. One thing, I truly wanted to get out of the situation and I prayed real hard and the people here on the board helped me so very, very much. Also, being as old as I was, I think probably kept me from totally going off the deep end in MLC like some seem to do. I mean, I wasn't about to put on a mini skirt and bar hop or anything like that. Being involved in an EA over the internet was bad enough without making a complete fool of myself. On the other hand, I felt like a hyocrite b/c I would go to church and know I had the OM in my heart, so I felt like I was living a double life.
Anway, that's about me and not your H. I hope I did answer your question about the age and MLC.
Best wishes, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I do think it is possible it's MLC but at the same time he doesn't seem to blame me.. he just says that he's unhappy and wants out of our marriage to date other people (namely one specific person).. so that doesn't really work with the MLC pattern now does it? Maybe he truly just doesn't love me anymore.
