You know what, if that is the case f*ck her and her family. In my case she is asking for me to move out and initiate D proceedings. The D proceedings are out of the question for now but I still think moving out may be good for the R. Then again from the last couple of postings it may not. At this point what do I have to loose? Our R is not going in the right direction under the same roof.
I do think it has a chance but not if I stay in the house....honestly.
My W just called to say that she just got in her car (1hr. away). She asked if D7 ate.....yes she did. Then she says not to wait for her because she has a cold and does not know how bad traffic will be. I think she does not want me to be nice to her because she will feel even more guilt. Anyhow I asked stepdaughter 17 is she would mind waiting till 19:15 to eat and she said let's wait. So......her food will be ready as well as her favourite cold weather, pre meal cocktail (aka aperitif). Ah what the hell, how can you get pissed at someone for cooking supper?
John, I was in exactly in the same delema. But unlike Lan's case my W tried to get me to move out. Like you I thought/talked about it a lot; I decided not only to stay but to sleep on my side of the king bed. W later moved to the kids' room and later the judge made her leave the house. I don't regret staying put, but what I regret is I lived in fear and hell for 4 months. W attacked and provoked me daily banging on doors, yelling, etc. I dealt with it by escaping to my office, going out for walks, calling/visiting friends/relatives and my lawyer. I did not join this board until way after she moved out. If you can collect yourself together NOW and quickly learn how to "detach", "validate", "GAL", and not give in to fear, anger and panic under the same roof then I'd say STAY.
Maybe go somewhere for a couple of days to get your act together on how you are going to operate and then come back "strong" for the big fight of your life where you can face W head on without batting an eyelid. I think its possible or at any rate at least worth a try.
Me-48, W-38 M14, D11, S7 W filed D 01/07 W had to move out 06/07 Current Thread
FB2, out of curiosity where do you and your W stand now?
In nutshell: W's cooled off the last 2 months, maybe due to my DBing efforts, maybe due to her newfound "freedom", don't know for sure. We have the kids 50-50. I've never set foot in W's apartment and have not invited her into "my" house either. The legal processes is "stalled" because W does not agree with the terms. I'm in limbo between "hanging in there" and "moving on" and I'm DBing as prudently as I can - I feel I'm on the cusp of something but I need to wade thru' a lot before that. Get your W to cool off quickly by facing her fair and square. Remember you can only change yourself, she may follow suit, listen to Lan. Learn from my mistakes ... study my thread ... study Lanzo's thread. Hope you taste success soon.
Me-48, W-38 M14, D11, S7 W filed D 01/07 W had to move out 06/07 Current Thread
I have mixed feelings about the whole separation thing. I'm sorry I keep harping on it, john210, but I feel my H and I wouldn't have gone through such hell if he had stayed in the house. It gave him free run to completely detach from me and screw her brains out whenever he wanted. He wants to come back now, but now it's weird and there's a lot of work to do before he can come back. It's like he's changed and so have I and I don't know if our desired path back is really attainable. Too early to tell. A lot of damage has been done. I feel like we could have worked things out easier if he had stayed.
The other part of me says it's good he had free run with her to get it over with quicker. In other words, rather than having to steal time here and there because he lived with me, which would have dragged their A on longer possibly, he had as much time with her as he wanted. Maybe this accelerated the A process and helped it cool off quicker. I don't know. I think I remember reading, however, that the odds of saving the M are lower if one moves out.
Aside from these emotional issues, legally for you, I think it's best YOU stay and SHE leave. I still think it's best if you both stay under the same roof if there's any chance of saving M at all. I also feel for D7. My D8 has suffered tremendously with H gone. Anyway, if one of you does leave, it should be W, not you.
My 2 cents.
Me 41 H 47 D9 S3 M 16 yrs WAH Sep 07 PA Aug 07 12/07 Admitted A 1/08 C 1/15 H needs me 5/7/08 came home 7/08 We moved to MD 10/08 M bad again 11/24/08 fled to GA(OW),filed D 12/8/08 Back in MD 12/23/08 I countered 12/29/08 path back?
