Sure I have not been the model husband but pretty close I would say (I don't like to toot my own horn). What would she like to see in me? She wants a go getter a guy who is driven like she has become these last two years (prior to that she did not even have a steady job).
If a "go-getter" is what she wants she's probably rubbed your nose in it many times in the past. I'm not saying that what she expected of you was reasonable, it may even be pure fantasy. But she probably complained about something so try to recall and if its a desirable trait then work on it quietly on your own. I know my W wanted me to stay ahead of the curve and I did try but discarded it as something that's not genuinely me.
Originally Posted By: john210
Right now I am on the fence not because i am losing hope but because her mannerisms what she says everything about her is starting to irritate me a little.
She's basking in the power she has over you. Do not react to this in any way +ve or -ve.
Me-48, W-38 M14, D11, S7 W filed D 01/07 W had to move out 06/07 Current Thread
FB, Yes my w mentionned the go getter part before. I'll repeat myself, I understand why she would feel this way. the part i do not understand is how her reasons translate into breakng up a family.
Woog, I just reread my response to you earlier post and it sounds like I am mad when I was trying to be funny. I appreciate your comments and look forward to you clarifying your previous mesage.
I am sorry. I was referring to your thought of making one last attempt at a R dicussion with the W prior to announcing the issue to D7. My suggestion was something along the lines of asking your W if she was really prepared to have this discussion with the D7.
O.K., John. Here's the deal. I haven't got time to read every post, but I have to tell you a few more things from experience. No.1 enroll in a class, get busy - I'm not just talking about working out, I'm talking about doing something to improve your mind, improve yourself - something you want to do. Become so busy improving your mind that this mess is not the only thing you think about.
No 2 - I don't know what your last status of moving out is, I still say DON'T., but if you have or if you do - fix your place up really nice. Buy placemats and cloth napkins and napkin rings. Have fresh flowers in a vase. Don't know about other women, but that really impresses me. Keep your place really neat. Every time she is there, make sure it looks good - smells good. Have good music playing. (Is this too much?)
You know, I've been through this once and do not intend to do it again, but the first time, my ex wanted me back when he saw how independent I had become. (Which, unfortunately, has been a thorn in the flesh with my second marriage.) XH wanted me back when he saw I was busy (So busy I hardly had time to think - finished my education, raised two kids, and worked two jobs.) When he thought I might be moving on, he realized he didn't want to lose me. (I, unfortunately did not have the benefit of boards like this and web sites like rejoiceministries.org or things would probably have been different.) I'm not saying move on, I'm just saying improve yourself. Hold your chin up. Do something that makes you proud of yourself. Something that will make D7 proud. Coach a soccer team. You know what you need to do. Somewhere deep inside, you know.
Hey, you know what, I have just given myself a little pep talk. Maybe I need to go back to school and pursue my doctorate. I always go back to school during a crisis, but have not this time; maybe I should.
I am praying for you John. I mean REALLY praying for you. God is the answer and He will show you the way.
Blessings to you and yours - btw, w is yours. LadyDi
Thanks for the nice words and prayers Di. It would definately help me a ton to get my mind off of this.
Went to supper with D7 and W tonight. I did my best to be jovial. I think W noticed ...lots of laughs and smiles.
A couple of high lights:
W noticed I was not wearing my ring and asked me if it was over. I said you know how I feel....... the ring means squat. She was wearing hers and that effen rock I bought as an engagement ring.
D7 said mom, it's the best thing that ever happened to you isn't it? Getting married to Dad I mean...that just killed me and the W.
Later in the evening D7 said it doesn't matter what you look like on the outside it's the inside that counts. My W almost fell off her chair. D7 then said mom, I don't want to be a stool pigeon but daddy taught me that.
W now left for the Hotel where she has meetings scheduled for tommorow morning. She complained that she was exhausted. I guess the time change from Europe is catching up to her (I could not resist that little one).
Kids are amazing aren't they. My 8 yr old said "I'm lucky you and mom got married, because otherwise I wouldn't have been born." I'm pretty sure my W teared up on that one.
I missed the part about why you are going to let D7 know the sitch? Is it about getting a D, or about you moving out?
Me 41 H 47 D9 S3 M 16 yrs WAH Sep 07 PA Aug 07 12/07 Admitted A 1/08 C 1/15 H needs me 5/7/08 came home 7/08 We moved to MD 10/08 M bad again 11/24/08 fled to GA(OW),filed D 12/8/08 Back in MD 12/23/08 I countered 12/29/08 path back?
It is about both I guess....dad is moving out because yatta yatta yatta....I don't think she knows what divorce is.....all she needs to know is that we will be living apart. I think however I will take Woog's advice and ask W again if she is really ready to tell D7...in essence what I am saying is are you sure about this.
