My H - when he was still in the fog - said he felt we had enough extreme issues to warrent the affair.
Mine said the exact same thing.
Quote:
But when we went to Retrouvaille he said the A only made things worse exponentially - if he had just come to me about his issues/unhappiness then we would not have been in so deep...this caused him and I a lot of pain....
We didn't do Retro,but my H also said the same thing again. They CAN change and see the light. It's that revelation that makes me hope/believe he would not have an A again.
Hang in there lwb - your H is on the move emotionally wise.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
I'm new to this forum and just started reading this thread. Was posting over in hopefulness - boy, what a dreamer!
Anyway, just wanted to say how good it is to read about both Heartbroken and LWB. Now that I REALLY know what's been going on with WAW, all of this makes much more sense and I can prepare myself.
Originally Posted By: Heartbroken
I just tried to balance DB and my heart and my gut. I did not give up, that is for sure even when he just kept telling me he was done. I just really believed in my heart that it was not him talking - if I could wait it out until he saw the real OW then I would have a chance.
Thanks for this HB - this is what I've been telling myself, though all my friends think I'm crazy. Being consistent, caring, and your own person truly does make a difference.
My h never moved out. Said he thought about it but never did. Our Sex life is better than ever before and i think it is because we were trying to connect. Now he tells me he loves me but is still a little disconnected but working on it. I guess im trying to say that if he didn't have strong feelings for you he wouldn't care what happened to you. He would go on his merry way with OW and not look back. Can't say that it will be ok in the end but don't give up yet just be the best you can and keep up the mystery. Try as little R talk as you can too.
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
neph, Hey girl, I was thinking about you yesterday. Glad to see you.
lodo, I need to go read up on you. This is a great place. Even if H and I separate, I will stay on Infidelity.
jak, I am letting go with R talk for now. We had basically an all day talk yesterday. A very good one. I feel closer to him, and he says it was really helpful. I found out a few things about OW and he told me his fears (of getting back together, divorcing, everything). I told him quite a few things that have been eating at me. But I kept some of my 'hurt' away because now is not the time to guilt him completely, he'll run.
It was great. He is still on the fence, but I feel I am in the running again. I will never settle for anything other than complete commitment if we make a go at this, but I think things might be looking up.....maybe..... And ps: sex is wonderful these days. Very connecting for me. We did exchange "I love you's" yesterday as well. First time H has said it in months to me.
Keep in mind, we D talked yesterday too. Its still out there as an option.
so happy things are at least moving along in a good direction, lwb. I think communication is a really good thing. even though you aren't out of the woods, I really do have hope for you guys.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
Of course D is stiil out there as an option, he's still in MLC fog! Anything goes until they come out of it and let you know where you stand. Either way DB teaches us the life lessons we need to be the best person we can and, we will survive with or without them. At least thats my Opinion.
I know i'll be ok if H comes the reast of the way through and decides he wants out. It would still hurt but I would look to the future as an open book without an end and full of all sorts of possibilities.
Right now I do know that everytime I pull back and start to do mysterious things he comes running.
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
