We have been doing really well lately. No fights, arguments or even dirty looks. I have caught him looking at me sometimes, like he is trying to figure me out. I am simply trying to be the woman I was....the one he met and fell in love with. I have so far been fairly successful, lost 30lbs, new interests and revival of some old interests, and because of all this I am feeling a lot more cheerful. Oh..he hasn't ended his EA.
Today, he got a phone call from OW and she is having problems, is depressed, and possibly suicidal. This seemed to distress him less than usual (meaning he did not run off to go and hold her hand) and when he was finished talking to her, he said to me..."... is not doing well, and I don't know how I can help her" God help me....my first thought was "give her a gun" Thank God I didn't actually say it. What kind of horrible person has this whole thing made me? Why would anyone think such a terrible thing? This has bothered me all day. Yes, I am sick and tired of this whole business and want her to go away, its' been three years after all and sometimes I'm tired of all the bull, but I hope that I've not become some kind of sick person full of hate. I don't feel that way. Lately I've been happier than I've been in years. Is this something a normal person would think? I don't want her to kill herself...I just want my H back.
actually, I thought it was pretty funny...but I assumed you were being snarky, that you really didn't mean it. you didn't really, did you?
(((HUGS))) yeah, this stuff does change us in ways that surprise us. I still don't wish anything truly bad to befall ow, mainly because she's a mom. but I'd like small bad things to happen...I dont know, maybe have the tacky extensions she wears fall out and take her real hair with them. lol.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
Thanks...actually, I do have a snarky sense of humor and I kind of thought it was funny too. I don't really mean it, I would never wish that kind of thing on anyone. Small bad things I could deal with, like the hair extensions, but I would have a hard time not laughing (guffawing) when I found out.
I have taken it as a good sign that he did not go running to her side this time, and I believe he thinks that he should help her, as they both suffer from depression, but I hope that he now knows the helplessness one can feel when someone is depressed and they cannot find a way to help them. Maybe it will give him insight to how I felt when he had an episode that hospitalized him some years ago, and nothing I tried helped. He still has not forgiven me for not doing more to help him....like OW apparently did. When one has never fallen into that black hole of depression, it is hard to understand another's situation or know what to do.
