H gave "needs" list

[Jen1967]

I had had it with the whole waiting game and told H enough was enough with the OW. He said if he got rid of her what would we do? I said go to C. He said OK and asked me to find one. Said he'd make a "needs" list of things he needs. He brought it over. It's very pushy and controlling-sounding. Plus, he is backing off of C idea and hasn't gotten rid of OW. Anyway, other than the fact that the items are listed with an undertone of hostility, many of them are reasonable requests. Then he said he wants a list from me. Mind you, he attached a letter to his list pretty much reaffirming why he wants out of M. Makes sense? No. Anyway, how do I approach my needs list? He seems teetering here and I don't want to ruin it. But my short list is:

Get rid of OW 100%.
Go to pastor with me.
Go to C with me.

Long list:
things like he listed, general marital needs, sex, dates, attention, freedom, blah blah.

How do I handle this? Is he just setting me up, stringing me along? what's this all about?

[SallyM]

I guess my response would be, "thanks for sharing your list. I am looking forward to discussing them further with our MC. I have contacted x and she has y and z times available, which are best for you?"

and then honestly, I'd start making some changes. if these are reasonable changes, ones you want to make anyway, just start doing them.

if he refuses MC, then honestly I don't know what to tell you. If he refuses to give up OW and refuses MC, that's going to be a tougher row to hoe. but I'd try to get him in the door at MC at the very least.

as for your own list, I wouldn't go too nuts on it...that can come in time. you can always say you are giving it some more thought, but for now those are your top 3 things.

good luck!

[LL44]

How is it today? I don't know what I would do, but I have a feeling a 'needs list' would turn out the same as yours did. UGH So sorry!