OK, I believe H is having at minimum an emotional affair given eveidence via cell phone and text records and has been since early October. So of course as the LBS I tried calling her twice and sent her 2 texts the day I found out. She never replied to the texts or answered the calls. I didn't leave any voicemail and the texts I sent were me playing dumb asking who this was as I didn't recognize the number on my cell phone bill. I am fully aware that her lack of response probably indicates she is aware of who I am.
So my question is this:
Do I just leave it alone or do I give in to this urge to leave her voicemails informing her that she is involved with a married man with 2 little kids at home and remember hell hath no furry like a woman scourned?
I am sure everyone will tell me to leave it alone but help me through this by just yelling it at me please.
Both 35 T 19/M 15 years S8/D5 It's over bomb/ILYBNILWY 12-22-07
All I can say from my own experience, is that contacting OW just used to leave me feeling worse afterwards. What I wanted from her was an acknowledgement that what she was doing was bad and she was sorry - well that wasn't going to happen - she knew exactly what she was doing and had no reason responding to me. I just used to end up feeling stupid and pathetic that I had made it obvious she was 'getting' to me.
I do appreciate how compulsive the urge to make contact is but please try not to - for your sake.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
I was thinking about your rather splendid contact Sally when I wrote my post. Funnily enough, I had also, less than half an hour ago come across a letter in word on the PC that I sent to OW after her A with my H ended. I still cringe now rereading it thinking about her reaction, (or lack of one to it).LOL They just don't care about what they are doing.......urgh......and I thought my letter to her was really good and actually quite nice considering what she had done!!!!!! I actually told her I wasn't going to harm her!!!! LOL
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
I am so sorry for what you are going through. (((hugs)))
I too contacted OW & she called back. We spoke several times and even met once. She claimed to not know that my H and I were still together (he just lived in the basement but there was supposedly nothing b/w us), so either he lied to her too, or she lied to me and was manipulating me. It didn't take long for me to reach a point where I didn't know what what real anymore. Plus, she learned too much about me.
Either way, you probably won't get what you're looking for from OW. I did learn many, many dets of the A, which OW was happy to tell me about, and I still don't know if it was a good thing or a bad thing as now I have many awful images and memories to deal with.
SallyM & saffie are right, read DB & DR. It'll help you get your mind around this.
Take care of yourself. FA
What does not destroy me, makes me stronger.
FA:43, H:42 D:7 M:10 yrs, T:24 yrs EA:?, PA:1/06 S:3/07 EA/PA ongoing Aborted attempt to move home 07/08
saffie, that's just it, we expect that ow will have a certain reaction because its one that we would have if we were seeing a married man. in my case, ow knew me, she knew we were married, and she'd seen us together since the affair had begun (before I knew about it) and knew at least that I was happy and in love with my husband and such. so really there wasn't anything much to say. except obviously back in october I did have something to say. but that was less about being vindictive to her, and more about being tired of the lies and the trying to get everything out in the open. I hate all the lying. I hate it with a passion.
yeah, looking back on it, it probably wasn't very smart. but it was also pretty fun...because I have zero doubt I put a lot of doubt into her mind. but she made her choice on the matter. they have a pretty sick, unhealthy relationship, though.
you know, saffie, about your letter...I suppose that's why so many therapists/experts/etc tell us to write a letter. but then they tell us not to actually send it...to burn it, or to file it away or something. am wondering it that could help mymonkeybug, here. maybe write down what you would like to say to ow, to say to your h, etc, but just burn it, or file it away or something. it might help you to get the feelings/thoughts out.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
My husband has been playing head games with me since october. I found cellphone account - 30 to 40 messages a day, and they work together.
He did the i love you but not in love with you speech and walked striaght out.
Today someone phoned to say they saw him yesterday with ow. I also feel like you, i want to confront her. i know it is not her fault but she knew i existed and that we have a baby but she encouraged him. He still wont admit it. So i feel your pain. i want to finally confront h but was wondering if i should do it in MC. you can see more about it in separated and infidelity where i have posted.
I look back into the cell/text records and have found that H and this OW that he claims are simply friends have spent literally every weekday texting back and forth ALL day, I mean dozens and doznes of messages all day since early October. With Verizon you can't pull up the content of the messages just the times and numbers. I can only imagine what they were exchanging. It hurts because had he only taken that amount of time texting or preferably talking to me we may not be here where we are right now.
Both 35 T 19/M 15 years S8/D5 It's over bomb/ILYBNILWY 12-22-07
Monkeybug the info I am getting from everyone on this board is leave OW alone because H will blame you if it falls apart and he can always find another. That is what happened to me. I called first OW, I *67 before dialing and it hides your number. Needless to say she told me plenty of details that I did not need to know,that hurt. She said H told her we were separated for over a year, that was a lie we only were separated 1 month and he was still sleeping with both of us. She ended it with him but he already has another and still talks to #1 too. So if you can hold back. I know it is hard because I so badly want to call OW#2. I know she knows he is married because I went over his house when she was there but to what extent she knows I don't know and it bothers me. But he will just hate me more than he does right now and push him further away.
Me 36 H 35 S 13 & 10 M 15 yrs- 2gether 17yr Bombs 7/06, 6/07 ILYBNILWY 7/07 OW 7/07 Left 9/07
