Hi I have been seperted for just over 2 mths. I asked H to move because he kept saying he was unhappy, he was just waitiing for me to finish school and then he was out. I could have just waited it out, but I started noticing changes in his behavior. He was going out more, very long secretive walks without me, lack of intimacy, blah, blah. He claims he was not cheating, but I am not sure I believe him. Things got really weired and I still felt like something was not right. There was some infedelity some time back so that is part of why I am a but nuts about this. Also, he lost his ring about a year ago and never bother to replace it. Also, lock on his cell phone that has been present for years. It as always bothered me, but never did much about it. One thing I can say is H always came home straight from work an rarely went out on weekends. If he was seeing someone they were very tolerant of his sitch. My delimea is this- His actions say he wants to talk about this, but when I initiate converstation he shuts down. He will send me pics via text and will engage me about R talk. The other day he sent me a text with his new cell number and when I said who is this because I did not recognize the nmber he replied "Ur husband". Not a big deal except it has been forever since he has called himself that to me. I still get "I love you, alway have and always will." What to do. I am trying to stay a bit dark and not trying to take this bit and run with it, but I miss him so. I am not trying to get him to move home, but I would love to just hang out and go to a movie, anything. I want to text him and tell him that, but I am worried about getting shut down. Help! I asked him to go to a movie very early in our seperation and he said no. Also, he keeps acting like is so offended that I accused him of cheating. I mean I had reason. He claims one of big reasons he left is because I don't trust him even though I said I forgave. I am not sure I am buying it? Sounds like a line cuz he never took the lock of his his phone and he never bothered replacing his ring. If was that concerned about me thinking he was cheating he would have done those two simple things. NE way I want to reach out to him so badly, but I can't bear the though of being denied. I reached out to hug him on xmas day and I told him I still loved him in spite of all of this. He told me the same. He was great the next few days, but then he turned into an ass. When he turns into an ass I turn into a witch. Part of me wants to believe he changed his phone to cut ties with whoever he may be dealing with or may have dealt with in the past, but that may be streching it and wishful thinking on my part. I wonder though because even if he went to a different provider he could have taken the same number. Help me to know if I should reach out our just continue keeping our interactions related our son.
I responded to some of your questions on my post. I just now found your thread and wanted to let you know that you are in the right place. There is a lot of knowledge here on this board. I'm sure you will find the guidance you need to help you through this situation.
Quote:
His actions say he wants to talk about this, but when I initiate converstation he shuts down
This has to stop....you cannot talk about your R with your H right now. If he wants to talk...let him. You just listen and validate his feelings. Don't tell him how he is supposed to feel...don't ask him why he feels like that...don't tell him how whatever he says makes you feel....just listen and say something like...'I understand how ___ would make you feel ____.' (Fill in the blanks) and leave it at that. If you feel yourself getting angry at some of the things he may be saying...smile...but don't say anything...don't say nuthin!!! It's gonna be hard...trust.
This is not an overnight session here...you got to be in it for the long haul....you have to make that decision. In the meantime, like I said before, you have to take care of you and yours...bottom line.
My offer still stands...if you want to talk PM me and I will respond.
