Been a while...nothing new to post. Just status quo. Been tryin to get the H to do lunch with me but all I'm getting is excuses. Says he's too busy...got this or that goin' on...whateva.
Now he says he has to move again and finding it really hard to find a decent place cuz of the dog. Duh!!! Most of the landlords around here don't want to deal with the tenants let alone any animals! But that's his prob...not mine!
So...still haven't made it to lunch yet...bummer. But I did go to a real nice Stepper's Set this past Saturday with a friend. Had a blast! I was funky fresh 'n oh so clean!!! Ya know how we do!!! Got a lot of nice looks from the fellas...and some of the ladies was mean-muggin' me so I KNOW I was on point! Took a picture with my friend...put it right on top of the TV in the living room. Just waitin' for H to come over and see that one! I put it right next to the other one my friend and I took together when we went out before. Ya think he is going to think we're an item??? Things that make you go hmmmm....
Oh well, guess I'll lay low for a while. Been trying to go out with H for about 3 weeks straight now. I'm gonna take a step back for a minute then try again later.
Was feeling real down about H not accepting any of my invitations for lunch...way down. So ya know what I's do when I'm down...SHOP!! Oh yeah...bought myself this hot, white leather outfit. This fit is hot, tight and right and wouldn't ya know...I was just invited to another Stepper's Set this weekend!! Can you say FAB-U-LOUS????
I did real good not calling/texting H for about 2 weeks. But I broke down and called...glad I did. He didn't sound so good...why am I happy about that?? Anywhoo, we talked and it was nice...cool..easy-breezy. H brought up a House party that he heard about on the radio. (If you been following my sitch you know me and H are BIG House Music fans...being from the Chi and all) I said, "Oh really, now that's what I'm talking bout!" H says, "Puleeze!! You don't know nothing bout that! In high school yall was still listening to disco!" I'm like, "Dude...we put House on the map!" "Yeah, right!" was his response. H then said, "Man, wish I could go but the tickets is like $22.00! Oh well..." I'm smilin' to myself at this point. Guess that's what happens when you dip out bro'! Krazy cool...
Well, after that I mentioned the Stepper's Set I was invited to. All H could say was, "Man that sounds nice. I wish I could do stuff like that." Course I threw in, "You can, just come on through! Course you gotta find a babysitter first." (Ok that was NOT nice...but I just HAD to throw that in!) H just said, "Yeah".
So-ho-hooo, long story short, good convo, my PMA shines through as always and H just reinforced the thought in my mind that his life is not all peaches and cream...oooohh I like that song. Think I'm gonna go find it on ITunes!!!
Stepper's Set...Saturday, like tomorrow. Why did H call and ask me if I'm still going??? Of course I said..."Yes, why?" H..."Cuz it sounds like fun." M..."U wanna go?" H..."Sounds like a good idea. Where is it?" M..."I'll have to get the exact address but if you want to go just come on thru." H..."I just might if I can get a ride and a babysitter." M..."OK cool. I'll text you the address when I find out. TTYL" H..."Yep."
Now, why all of a sudden out the blue he want to go somewhere with me...esp when he didn't even want to do lunch? Don't get me wrong, it would be real nice if he showed up and you know I've had a lot of practice keeping my feelings in my back pocket...no worries there. Expectations not even at zero...they in the negative so no bad feelings if he don't show. At any rate, ya know ur girl gonna be TOO FLY tomorrow....TRUST!!!
Ya know...I'm gettin to the point where I just don't wanna do this anymore. I'm tired of the rejection, I'm tired of the pain, I'm just tired of this whole freakin' thing.
H didn't come to the party...that's fine. Didn't really expect him to...that's not what's bothering me. What's getting to me is that H refuses to talk to me about anything. I mean, I know....we're not supposed to talk about the R...I'm supposed to be happy and upbeat everytime I talk to him....yeah, yeah, yeah...got all that. I'm just so tired of feeling like I gotta cater to him! This FOOL who I spent so much time taking care of and being there for him and his family....I'm angry that ONCE AGAIN it's all about him! I am very angry that we're going thru this right at the time that he FINALLY seemed like he was getting his shyte together in life....then BAM!!!! world turned upside down and here I am being the "Good-Little-Wifey" again...ugggh!! Pisses me off everytime I think about all the stuff this man put me through!! Yes....I am angry....and sad, and tired, and frustrated, and happy with my life when he not around....all at the same time.
I'm tired and frustrated...can ya tell??? I feel like I'm stuck, We're not making any progress and I just don't care anymore. I don't wanna feel like this...I wanna feel like I really want my M to work and my H to come home but I don't feel like that. This is soooo krazy.
Now I'm at the point of thinking about changing the beneficiary on my life policy...this is nuts. Esp since I have to get H signature in order to do that. But I feel like I need to do this cuz he ain't gonna act right anyway and I want my child to be protected. Wanted to talk to H about it but of course he been blowing me off for weeks. Now I feel like forget talkin'...Imma just fill out the damn form and take it to him to sign.
Is this just a down moment that we all go thru or what??? I had been just fine before he reappeared and took me off my square. I was happy...had practically moved on....was feeling real good about myself...I had it goin' on baby!!! He came back and thru the monkey-wrench in the works...I gotta get back to me being me.
Does anybody else just feel like this sometimes?? How do you know when enough is enough???
You know what...this is krazy man. This dude is so messed up it don't make no damn sense! Ok so...I'm already feelin' like this just ain't gonna work. I'm tired and don't wanna do this no more, so I'm sure it comes across whenever I talk to H. So why this past Saturday nite he forwards me this text which I KNOW originally came from his GF...
"Shut the door, take off ur pants, get on top of me, & do what u need to do to satisfy ur needs"
WTH????? She send him a msg like that and he sends it to ME???!! Like I wanna her about ur personal escapades!!! I didn't even respond to it. A good friend of mine once told me "Don't acknowledge NO BS!" That was total BS for sure!
Well, I got my papers filled out and I'm going up to H job tomorrow. We'll see if he signs...
Well whaddaya know...he signed the papers...and they were blank too! I didn't really fill in any information but he signed them anyway...Yay!!! So now I can fill in whatever I want and submit them to the insurance company...tsk, tsk, tsk...I'm so mean. Oh well...
But not only did he sign the papers but when I went to see him he was outside and when he got in the car I turned off the engine and made a comment about not having any gas in the car.
H: You don't have no gas? M: No, not a lot H: Well lemme see what we can do about that M: (Big 'ole Koolaid smile) You gonna give me some gas money? H: Let me see what I can do
H runs back in the bldg then comes back out and we go to the gas station....why this dude fill up my tank with PREMIUM gas???!!! I never use premium...too damn expensive but I for sure took what he put in there! Hayyyyy....
See this is the stuff that confuses me. Like I been saying, I was fine just chuggin' along, doing my thang, then he shows back up in my life. I was cool, til he came back and took me off my square. One minute he doesn't wanna have anything to do with me...then he doing nice stuff like filling up my tank with gas. What the heck am I supposed to do now??
Anywhoo, we talked and it was nice...cool..easy-breezy. H brought up a House party that he heard about on the radio. (If you been following my sitch you know me and H are BIG House Music fans...being from the Chi and all) I said, "Oh really, now that's what I'm talking bout!" H says, "Puleeze!! You don't know nothing bout that! In high school yall was still listening to disco!" I'm like, "Dude...we put House on the map!" "Yeah, right!" was his response. H then said, "Man, wish I could go but the tickets is like $22.00! Oh well..." I'm smilin' to myself at this point. Guess that's what happens when you dip out bro'! Krazy cool...
(Ok that was NOT nice...but I just HAD to throw that in!) H just said, "Yeah". 
so no bad feelings if he don't show. At any rate, ya know ur girl gonna be TOO FLY tomorrow....TRUST!!!