Back at DB/new marriage new WAW part 2

[Atlas]

Whats up my brother?

Sounds like your doing great! Going out, hitting the gym, dinner, keep it up. Life just keeps pushing up daisies as the days go by.

Hey, my suggestion for the S and W calling, is just dial the number and hand him the phone. If she chooses not to answer, her problem, and you tried. Once he is done, I wouldn't talk to her, just hang it up, say something like, "Tell Mom you love her, and say goodbye." Then hang it up.

If she needs to talk business with ya she will call back, if she doesn't then your being the bigger person. Let her deal with her problems.

Just_me may have a better option. I'm not really in the best place on offering advice right now, really sick of enabling the WAS's. Think I did a lot of that.

[dh4320]

Thanks Atlas,

I believe that is what i am doing best taking the enabling right of it the situation. I will do that call her back and let S leave her a message

[mako]

You're doing right dh, just do your thing and live your life. If W really wants to talk to you she knows how to get in touch, i.e. cell or e-mail if the home line isn't doing it. As long as you're doing enough to allow her sufficient contact with S (Atlas's suggestion is good) that's all you gotta do. You've been clear about where you stand, if she wants something to change it's on her to take the initiative.

[dh4320]

agreed mako,

thank you for your input

[dh4320]

I have been home with my D she has been showing signs of RSV again (her doctor said it could come back) so i found some friends to take my S for the night since i have to give D breathing treatments all night. W called the house while i was giving a treatment to D, didnt answer. So she tm me and said i have been trying to speak with "my" S for several days. She always refers to our Kids as hers and it pisses me off. anyway i responded with we are not home so i dont know what to tell you. She said this is going to stop, i responded with yes it is call your attorney and set a schedule to see "our" kids like i suggested 2 weeks ago, other than that leave me alone and gorw up. Maybe harsh but you know what i am sick of playing the i understand how you feel game, no more of that....

[dh4320]

I have been home with my D she has been showing signs of RSV again (her doctor said it could come back) so i found some friends to take my S for the night since i have to give D breathing treatments all night. W called the house while i was giving a treatment to D, didnt answer. So she tm me and said i have been trying to speak with "my" S for several days. She always refers to our Kids as hers and it pisses me off. anyway i responded with we are not home so i dont know what to tell you. She said this is going to stop, i responded with yes it is call your attorney and set a schedule to see "our" kids like i suggested 2 weeks ago, other than that leave me alone and gorw up. Maybe harsh but you know what i am sick of playing the i understand how you feel game, no more of that....

[dh4320]

W called tonight, i let her speak with S for a while. I didnt talk with her that much kept it simple. about 20 minutes afterward she sent an email thanking me for letting her talk to S. then she starts asking questions about why i wont let her help choose who cares for the kids she finally referred to them as "ours" first time for that. she also wanted the nanny's number, which i will not give her since i havent found one yet. in any case first civil interaction in a while havent responded to the email yet, probably wont until tomorrow.

[imLIN]

DH...sounds like things have been going better....except for the comment for her to grow up...I know, I know...she deserves it all but like I said...how it appears to an outsider (ie. judge, court appointed child advocate, etc...) is what you are concerned about...and believe it or not they don't always seem to get that you have pushed up against a wall...and especially when dealing with a non-custodial mother and very young children...like I mentioned before...I went through all of this with my bro when his wife left him and the kids...it would have been great if he would have got to keep his kids full time but believe it or not his wife got shared custody...this from a woman who insisted that her 3-4 yr. old son stay a baby in diapers and use a bottle...when at his dad's he used the restroom and drank from a cup!...she did everything for him...she even told his sister who was about 8 at the time that her and son were going to heaven when they died but she and her dad weren't!...I could go on and on about her mothering...or lack of...and the abuses that occured...along with the little pot farm in the back yard OM had...but then it made no difference in court...what mattered was how angry they made my brother appear...he was a big guy...she was an average sized woman...poor thing...and that is how it went!!!...oh, and they really didn't care to hear from family, friends, or neighbors on anything either...

So...keep it civil...keep it simple...keep it limited...and always always make it look like you are bending over and letting her shaft you...I am serious!

Lin

[mako]

Hey dh,

Civil is good. Maybe she's realizing that sending crazy e-mails and flying off the handle doesn't get her anywhere. Keep up the civility in return.

[dh4320]

Thanks Lin and Mako,

She called the house again tonight me and the kids were at a friends house watching NY upset the cowgirls anyway i did not return the call, i am not going to be totally responsive to her needs, she hasnt for me or has she done 90% of what i asked her to to work out an amicable split so why should i be the one to constantly make things available to her, i will be civil but i am not going out of my way to accomodate her. Lin the grow up comment could have been worded better but thats what she nees to do in a nutshell, i have enough ammo against her in court when i slip with something like that i dont think its going to make that big of a difference in court. Hows everyone else doing in their mess or sitch??