It does sound like she doesn't want any gifts from you. So be it. Maybe there is something she would like to have done around the house, new comforter for the bed, or new curtains somewhere? Perhaps if you offered to let her redecorate a bit, she would like that. Then she goes and picks out what she likes. I think you are right, she will not use anything you give her.
There are certain things I do right now around the house without being asked. They are little things. I come home from work, and the breakfast dishes and cooking ware are in the sink. I clean them up when I get home from work.
Many times she makes food for herself and the kids and leaves them in the sink durring dinner. I clean them up. I am telling you this, not so much like I am keeping score, but I do this because I want to and I believe that God is pleased with me so I do this all the more.
She wants the hall bathroom redone and the basement refurnished and has already told me how she wants it done. My opinion was not asked so I said nothing. It will make her happy and that is all that matters to me.
I feel bad that I can't help her with the demoltion of it because I have a torn rotaro cuff and bone spurse in my left shoulder, I have tendinitis in my right elbow (thank goodness I am getting a 2nd cortozone shot this afternoon and now, this past Sunday, as I was reaching to unlock the back door of the car to let my son in, a gush of wind slammed the door shut on my left ankle so that is swollen. I think its just a bone bruise but it hurts even to put my socks on.
The 1st time I received a cortozone shot, the doctor told me not to do anything at all, even cut our lawn. I didn't listen though. How can I expect to do nothing and let my wife do everything? That's not fair.
It was great chatting with you. Leaving shortly to the doctors and I also have a sore throat and headache.
I'm not sure of how to bring this up to him, that's why I think it may be too soon. I've become a pro at not starting any R talks. Also, we're Catholics and he's been very anti-church lately. Do you have any suggestions on how to approach him with the suggestion that this might be a good idea for us? Thanks.
Wait until you are ready. You know your H better than anyone. I mentioned it when things were at their worst and got a positive response. Others have suggested it as a way to improve communication whatever the future holds. The weekends are only held a few times a year in any location. So you might want to check the schedule on the website, and bring it up about a month before a weekend. That way if he says yes, you can schedule it and it won't be too far in the future.
As for the Catholic part, it is offered as a non-denominational program. I am Jewish, and my husband is non-practicing, but was raised Catholic. He is particularly uncomfortable in Catholic settings. We both were able to sit through the priest's talks during Retrouvaille. I won't say it was my favorite part, but it did not detract from the overall good effect of the program. The religious perspective is presented in a non-denominational way. That is, yes, they do sometimes mention God or Jesus, but they don't preach gospel or Catholic doctrine. The religious segment is there, it is not the biggest part of the program, but it is there for those who can benefit from it. I could see within the group of 30 or so participants the weekend we were there, there were many people who really appreciated the priest's presence. That made me feel comfortable not interacting with the priest. He had plenty of other people to talk to.
Hi Sara, havent been on these boards so much over the last few weeks, as i have been busy with work and sometimes I get a little depressed when i read aobut others' problems. W still wont give me an answer for the retro program at the end of january. She originally said that she thought it was too late, but never has said no. I dont want to force her for obvious reasons, but maybe i will tell her that i need to get this scheduled asap. I havent brought it up the last week or so b/c of the holidays. She has been off the last week, and frankly has been a bear most of the time. The only time she has been nice was on christmas eve and christmas morning. I got her a gift certificate to her favorite spa, and she didnt get me anything. Didnt even say thank you. The only thing she could say was that she now has a couple of gift certificates to the same spa and seemed kind of excited. I am thinking that was her way of saying thanks. BTW, I am the one that got her on to this spa when i got her a certificate for mothers day. She didnt use it until October, and now goes once a month. I believe that people from work and I know that her nephew got her gift certs for the spa. (Gee, maybe I did something right for her and she doesnt want to acknowledge it) I believe that she is so emotionally detached from me that nothing short of a major crisis will change her right now. I dont know if the R with the OM is in a problem stage right now, but over the last week or so, she has been miserable. I found her using D20 laptop in the evenings, and found that she has been trying to find OM's emails to others on classmates.com. Maybe she has questions about him that she is trying to find out if he is serious, etc. I also found info on OM's W's email address by her computer. Something may be happening in that R, and maybe she is realizing that he is using her. Cant speculate on that, but I am going to ask her one more time this week, to go to retro. After reading all the stories, i know that this is the only thing that is going to help. Have to hope to go to this one in january, as the next one locally is not until October. Take care and i will talk to you again.
I do wish you luck. Retrouvaille can work miracles. But even they don't recommend trying to rebuild the marriage until OM is out of the picture. I hope that the computer stuff you are seeing indicates a cessation of communication there. That would be a good thing for you. But if the affair is still active, she is not likely to make an effort even if she goes to Retrouvaille. I am surprised that they only offer it twice a year where you are.
Things about the same although my W and I respect each other more and give each other our space. I'm giving her as much as she needs. I'm taking care of my own needs.
My only regret is my kids hardly want to spend any alone time with their dad and that hurts. That is tough to deal with and neither one has an idea why they do that when I question them. I have approached them to do some fun things with me but they won't. Sometimes I wonder if they would miss me if I wasn't around but I know that is my own self pity. They have told me they love me though.
I made some New Year's resolutions. To be kind, generous, loving to everyone, no matter what. To never allow others to get me angry (I have been very successful in 2007). To be charitable with my time. CY
