my CRAZY idea for a 180!

[mako_man]

My story is here: MyStory

Thats by no means the full account of all the sh*t but it gives you a picture of what I am dealing with. In our first seperation I successfully DB'd but we R'd with unresoved problems and are back to the brink of a D. Here's my idea: What if I just dropped my D? The way I see it, filing for D just lets HER off the hook, shes all over the place anyway with her thoughts and emotions, I know I am at least prepared and relatively well informed about D so why not make HER file if thats what she wants. She continues to say she doesnt know what she wants but I feel as though I am doing the work FOR her by having already filed. Now, if you read my story please give me an honest opinion, i know my friends and family would DISOWN me if they knew I was thinking about this, any advice legal or otherwise? Since this D filing has been such a threat to both of us, its created this deadline thats looming and we both feel it. What if I removed it? How might her behavior change, if at all? Am I just being an idiot? Am I giving up my chances for primary custody? Let me know what you think

[mako_man]

^

[cat03]

The way I see it, filing for D just lets HER off the hook,
================
pretty much.

[soul_mate]

Mako you are in a tough spot I feel your pain. Since there are kids I would not give up the D if it in anyway hurts your chances for primary custody. Your W seems very unstable and you really need to be there for your kids right now. I am not telling you to give up hope, but she really needs to step up. Having druggies around your kids is completely unacceptable. Let her know that you don't want a D, but she is leaving you with no choice right now. You can always start over with her if she decides to step up whether you are divorced yet or not.

[mako_man]

Yeah, 'till i'm blue in the face. I have said it all, finally I told her that I DO want this divorce (but I really dont). I need a strategy for this next counseling meeting, we have been in relative no contact for a couple of weeks and I have 180'd on our few kids exchanges but sitting in counseling while the counselor has said "We will need to get it ALL out on the table" for this next visit is not in line with DB. Confused, need some guidance before I go in.

[soul_mate]

I don't have any great advice, but it seems like she is the one that has a lot to put on the table. You need to sit back and do a lot of listening and see what happens. I wouln't tell her that you do want the divorce when you really don't, but just say you have been given no choice by her.

[EverydayMike]

The only advise I can offer is to Always tell the truth.
No Bs. No games that could potentualy backfire later on.
Tell it like it is. No secrets.

I know in my case the divorce looming overhead was a great cause of stress.{for Me} My W extended it for a few months but that only prolonged the feeling of impending doom. She has since completely removed the divorce.
However now we are in the midst of another sepperation.So I'm back to square one.
At least this time there isn't the constant threat of time, which you cannot controll.

[mako_man]

I am wondering if anyone can tell me some of the disadvantages of DROPPING the divorce, I am pretty sure I know many of the legal advantages I might be giving up, but maybe things I havent thought of...