Long and Bumpy Road #2

[Startingover2]

Guess my other thread locked up......
I did hear from him quite a bit yesterday. Most of the texts I either didn't respond to or gave short answers. I could tell that he was drinking by the way he would ask the same question over and over. Today I haven't heard a thing.

It got me thinking. This is the same pattern we have followed now for over a year. Life is back to what it was when we were separated and getting our D, pre pregnancy. Not one thing has changed. He calls when he is lonely or feels like it, comes around (if I let him) and then disappears into the sunset. It made me realize that I was in false R for sure. He never really had any intentions to repair our M or get back together. Sure he came around more because of the pregnancy but now looking back he was still adamant about how "slow" we were going to go and how he still loved his free time. Duh. Stupid me. He was telling me then that he really didn't want to come back. He was just dangling a carrot and throwing me crumbs so he could cake eat. How could I be so stupid? He is back to being the fun party guy with no attachments. The only thing that has changed is I am now pregnant with his child. How perfect for him.

Rather down at the moment. I have kept pretty busy this weekend but its been all with my teenagers. Been fun, but they don't want thier pregnant mom hanging out with them all the time. I am uncomfortable hanging out with my married friends my age as I am the only one unmarried now I am the only one with a baby on the way. Everyone else has older kids and I hate to see the looks on their faces without telling me "i told you so". I had such high hopes in the beginning of this pregnancy that things would change and my friends and family were skeptical. They were right and I was so wrong.

When will I get it?

[Startingover2]

I just got my Xmas text from H:

-Merry Christmas to you and the kids and my unborn baby. I really miss you all.

WTF~! It was really nice to hear that he misses us, but he really could do something about it too and hes not. These were not my choices, they were his. So as sad as it makes me to hear it, it really ticks me off as well.
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[JAK58]

[/quote]WTF~! It was really nice to hear that he misses us, but he really could do something about it too and hes not. These were not my choices, they were his. So as sad as it makes me to hear it, it really ticks me off as well.
[quote]

SO2

Yes he could do something about it but chooses not to.
And you can choose not to put up with his actions.

You are doing well. Im thinking of you.

JAK

[Startingover2]

Jak...I have been posting over in Newcomers as I know you have been so busy.
Update...H was here Xmas night talking about how miserable he is and how this is not how he wants his life to go....how he and OW are just friends and they talk about her dad, nothing more. That he still wants us but wants to go slow, blah blah blah...

Here are some of my latest posts from Newcomers to catch you up.
I know I am going to get 2x4'd for this but I couldn't help it. My H is out of town hunting this weekend and I decided to go to his house and look around (im ducking). Anyway, didn't find much but there are 2 new pictures of OW's kids sitting in frames on his table. Yuck. He had thier last years before and now those are gone and new ones with new frames are up. She must have given him that for xmas.

I know its his house and all and I was snooping so I probably deserve every bit of pain I feel, but it just irks me. I am so sick and tired of them being "friends". ITS NOT OK WITH ME!! Its wrong.

He has been texting today and I have ignored as I am so irked about the pics. Oh yea, I found out that the company that he worked for did some work at her parents house. I am sure he was there.
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I am back to being irritated. I don't think I will ever trust this man again.

He is gone on his trip for the weekend. He keeps texing me asking how I am feeling. I have had the flu feeling all day. I just invision him texting me and OW back and forth. I have no idea what exactly if anything is still going on but it sure is disrespectful to say the least. I mean, at the very least I don't think they ought to be friends and he shouldn't have pics right in his stupid living room.

I think I may have done something stupid
I sent this text to H.

"I have been thinking and I am not comfortable with your friendship/relationship with OW. It really bothers me and its not right. If there is any chance for us, communication with an ex is unacceptable on any level. If you really care about us and this family you will put this relationship first. I am sure if you were in my position you would feel the same. I would really like a happy future together and I am willing to work on myself, but I need to have the same from you."

I know it sounds needy and ultimatum like, but I am so sick of this. I am not ok with their friendship. They have been intimate, she wants more and its not innocent. Its not ok with me. I can't just look the other way. They exchanged xmas gifts and there are pics of her kids sitting on his table.

Ready for the 2x4!! _________________________

No response, but he is hunting right now and won't be home till tomorrow.

I just wish that on Xmas I wouldn't have given him an inch without telling him my boundaries. He told me they text about friendly stuff and I didn't say it then and its been eating at me since. He didn't say he was going to stop either and I felt that he thought I was ok with it. I am not.

So, I guess I wait for a response. It will most likely be an angry one telling me he is sick of hearing about this blah, blah blah.




I just heard from H. Got my usual "how are you feeling?" I responded with "much better"

Not sure what is happening. Either he forgot about my text from yesterday or he is avoiding it. I will give it some time and see.

The more I think about it the more certain I have reached my fork in the road. Like I said before, maybe sending a text during his hunting trip about OW was not the time but I still feel the same. Something has to be done one way or the other. No more wishy washy in between. I am ok with either. Of course I would rather have my family but I have given him enough time and chances. If we are not going to make it I would rather start going on.

For some reason I do feel better when I have this mindset. I am no longer waiting on H to decide.
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Anyway Jak....when you get back I could really use some feedback.

[JAK58]

Hi SO2,

It was not needy it was a boundry! That is good as long as you stick to it.

I would say since there are pics of her kids the talking to her is still happening.

Hope you are feeling well today take care of you!

H will need to figure out weather or not he wants your R or his play time. In the meantime Gal and be the best person you can for you and everyone else, as im sure you are. You are an excepional women to put up with what he has dished out to you thus far.

Happy New Year Here's to a better 2008!!!!!

JAK

[Startingover2]

I know they are still talking. He did admit that. They text as friends and its all about her dying dad. I don't trust it and even if I did its still not right.

He is trying to communicate with me and I shut the door most of the time. I barely respond and when I do its just a few words.

I have some major things to decide....if things are the way they are in March do I have him in the delivery room? I really do want him there and don't want him to miss it, but parts of me feels like he doesn't deserve it. I don't want to make a decision out of spite or anger. Another is the baby's last name...his or mine? Both of these things I know would hurt him deeply if I didn't go his way. My decisions need to be for the right reasons and right now they are purely out of spite.

Someone told me I needed to start making him run his butt off for me now. Run errands, bring me things, do things for me, but with no emotion on my part. Let him start working for this. He is always claiming that he is here for me and baby but I have always pushed him away. I don't know if I could go through with that though.

[JAK58]

SO2

You will decide what you ned to do in your own time. Please don't let anyone influence you to do what you might not want to.

You are doing well with keeping convos only to what needs to be discussed.

How are things today?

JAK

[JAK58]

SO2

How are you doing?

JAK

[Startingover2]

Hi Jak

Things are about the same. Some days are better than others. H has decided that we should hang out a few days a week together until the baby is born and then after that he feels that we will really bond as a family. But right now he cannot think about our relationship, only what is best for the baby.

You know what I think of his idea??? I think its crap. I think its more lies and trying to buy himself a few more weeks of fence sitting and cake eating. I just told him yeah right. whatever. I have gone back to GAL and not contacting him and really concentrating on the baby.

OW is still lurking. I am not sure the extent. A good friend of mine saw her drive by H's 4 times in 30 minutes the other day. He was home too. She never stopped, just drove by. Obviously she is insecure about whatever the hell they have going too. Sounds like H just gives her enough carrot in her face to keep her around as well and leaves her hanging.

Not much new. As much as I love him I am getting worn out with all of this. I would give anything to have anyone else in the world be this baby's father.

[JAK58]

I think you are right. He is fence sitting and he wants to have you when he wants and go his merry way otherwise. Good for you for sticking to your boundry! Even if the R with OW may be dwindling he still needs to work on his self for your R to make it.

Hope you have a good day.

JAK