Why I am the Way I Am

[MJontheMend]

*cracks up* part of your problem may be that you understand men just a little bit too well.

It is true that the extent to which I am currently"irresistible" is directly related to the deep empathy I feel for the male sexio-romantic condition and the extent to which I am willing to make this empathy tangible. However, I need to remind myself to stop babbling about this topic or I risk making myself "too nerdy to f*ck". For instance, I should have just thanked GP when he complimented me on my new red low-slung corduroys rather than saying "I thought you would like them because they make me look more thick down low and therefore emphasize my strong hip to waist ratio." causing him to look upwards towards Jesus for assistance which was an expression he probably felt compelled to make too frequently in my company(sigh) OTOH, the Captain of Industry I am currently phone-dating was telling me about some lucrative business deal he maneuvered and I said "So you're kind of like a shark." and he said "Whatever turns you on." and we both cracked up, so sometimes it's good to let the other person know that there actually is a zoo keeper in attendance.

[MJontheMend]

Hummmmm I was thinking.... "How much does it take to keep that bunny in the window happy? What will the the one with the monkey-like tail do? How far will she go?.....

P.O.P. , baby, P.O.P.

[blackfoot]

What good is it to date giant men if none of them are over here taking care of this for me? I am clearly lacking some essential girl skills.

No. They are clearly lacking some essential man skills. When I was a kid living in the white mountains for the ski season, I use to show up at the girls houses who I suspected liked me with a truck full of wood, and chop a big pile for them. Or shovel the walks etc. There was nothing covert about the contract I was creating with them. especially when I would end up shirtless from the heat of my winter exertions. LMAO.
It served me well in AK too. I enjoy finding out what *current disaster* they need to have rectified by a proficient man. Id much rather replace their alternator, or fix thier dryer, then take them to dinner and a movie. Im allready at her house, and obviously need to take a shower afterwards. Gives me a chance to pat them on the head and ask "what would you ladies do without me" When I was a kid, I would even let them feed me. Just a waste of time and delays the inevitible.

What should a woman who is currently broke*ss do when the men she dates brag about how much money they have?

Look him in the eye and tell him...

it kills my sex drive when they brag about it even though I know that I stated that I want to date men who show initiative.

Please remember the above quote.
Having a purpose/drive/initiave/assertively going for what you want is attractive. Having Money, fiscal security, is not a panty wetter. People want it, but it doesnt provoke their mating drive, and if by some mental/pysch twist/corruption it does, make sure you have more money then god if you want to be able to keep the desire. Its a side affect of the above traits. It doesnt give you the above traits. If you achieve 'security' and lose the above traits, you will not be a cause of desire.

I can empathize with the desire to want to seek validation for this

Why? I want to slap them. I dont sympathize with women who want validation for thier clothes/looks. at all. If she thinks she looks good, she probably does. I *may* express my approval, but she isnt getting a cookie for doing her job of taking care of herself.
If she doesnt know if she is, or thinks she doesnt, she better do something proactive about it. I *will* let her know if she isnt. Unapologetically.

I can practically hear them humming "How much is that bunny in the window? The one with the monkey-like tail....."

I want to smack them again. Why would you pay for bunny? They are not a commodity. They are everywhere. are they elmer fudd? out hunting wabbits? Its barely a snack, let alone a decent meal.

Mrs. HD. Now thats a meal. Go HD.


Here is another very very very important quote to remember.

He no longer pulls my strings. I have finally achieved detachment. Unfortunately that also means I finally no longer love him.

It reminds me of another quote I posted here, where the woman said, -when she stopped complaining, is when he should worry, cause it meant she didnt care anymore.

Even though Michelle encourages loving detachment, lets deal with reality.
Take out the No's in the above, and youll have your answer to the loss of female desire and 'love'.
Do the opposite.
If you want her to be less clingy, and more independant, she will. With you. Shell just go find someone else to cling to.
Quit trying to *fix* her. There is nothing wrong with her.
If you feel smothered and need space, take it, take it, take it. Without asking for permission. But you better tell her when and where your need for space is going to be finished.

[OG_Lou]

I enjoy finding out what *current disaster* they need to have rectified by a proficient man. Id much rather replace their alternator, or fix thier dryer, then take them to dinner and a movie. Im allready at her house, and obviously need to take a shower afterwards. Gives me a chance to pat them on the head and ask "what would you ladies do without me" When I was a kid, I would even let them feed me. Just a waste of time and delays the inevitible.
That sounds like what I have done.

[MJontheMend]

Why? I want to slap them. I dont sympathize with women who want validation for thier clothes/looks. at all. If she thinks she looks good, she probably does. I *may* express my approval, but she isnt getting a cookie for doing her job of taking care of herself.

'Cause even though I am perfectly capable of rubbing my own nipples, I kinda like it when a guy does it for me. If I'm slinkin' around your environs in my best "bunkey" outfit you best grin and say "Sooooooooo sexy." or I'll sure as sh*t go find the guy who will. I'm not down with that boring*ss strong and silent motif.

I want to smack them again. Why would you pay for bunny? They are not a commodity. They are everywhere. are they elmer fudd? out hunting wabbits? Its barely a snack, let alone a decent meal.

Mrs. HD. Now thats a meal. Go HD.

I get what you're saying here and I somewhat agree but you have to remember that people aren't just bunny or lioness or monkey etc. The important thing is to acknowledge all aspects of your personality and manifest as strong in all parts of the zoo. A strong bunny trumps a weak lioness any day of the week. A woman like Mrs.HD who is in complete denial of her monkey is not a balanced meal.

[blackfoot]

A woman like Mrs.HD who is in complete denial of her monkey is not a balanced meal.

I dont think she is in denial of her monkey. I think she just doesnt let the monkey come out all the way, becasue a) it exposes the bunny and b) it doesnt appreciate puppies. Her monkey is not fond of puppies, and her bunny is scared of wolves. I think SG and I came to the conclusion Fear/Awe is better then disdain though. at least for the sex drive.


If I'm slinkin' around your environs in my best "bunkey" outfit you best grin and say "Sooooooooo sexy." or I'll sure as sh*t go find the guy who will. I'm not down with that boring*ss strong and silent motif.

So true. confidant slinking is Hot and sexy and I would be seriously remiss not to let you know, I know, your presenting for my benefit, and I like it-- and what I want to do with you. Explicitly. even In public, maybe in whispers, maybe shouted across the room. LOL. Desire has to be shown to be felt.


what you described was the men bragging and seeking approval for their accomplishments
That behavior killed your sex drive. I understand. The equivalent behavior by women...doesnt kill my sex drive, but it doesnt get rewarded. I wanted to point it out.

several women have mentioned here how when they are just being themself, wearing a tshirt and sweats, not doing anything special, they get appreciative remarks from their H's. Men get the same thing when they are just being men. If your not, you can look at yourself and make sure you are not being needy/insecure, but after that its lack of appreciation and the OP is just cruel.
Dont give your gifts to the unappreciative. I know, you know, its hard when your brimming over with positiveness.

[blackfoot]

That sounds like what I have done.

There is a big differance between doing it because you want to, and doing it as a covert contract. You dont have to fetch coffee and pay for movie tickets or do foot rubs to EARN sex. That exists only in Your mind. Not hers. If it exists in her mind, it was put there.

When I did/do that I am not trying to earn sex. I dont feel cheated if it doesnt happen. Im doing her a favor. Its also a more effective way to show her your masculinity then posing with your muscles flexed in front of the mirror. I used to let them feed me to return the favor, (us icahobod cranes are bottomless pits lol) and it allowed enough time and interaction to get us both comfortable for the next step. If she doesnt at least appreciate your gift, dont keep giving it.

Intent. Like Mojo said...Its tricky.

If youve created a dynamic where you have to earn sex, (and why would she want to change that? Its the worlds oldest profession. ) then your going to have to fix it in your head first, before you can change it. If you look at Mojo relate her experiences to us, its the guy who is coming in with that belief.

[MJontheMend]

I think SG and I came to the conclusion Fear/Awe is better then disdain though. \:\/ at least for the sex drive.

I'll agree with that. Though I must admit that I find it confusing that a woman could simultaneously disdain a man's puppy dog and fear his wolf. Anyways, I see HD as far more monkey than puppy dog.

So true. confidant slinking is Hot and sexy and I would be seriously remiss not to let you know, I know, your presenting for my benefit, and I like it-- and what I want to do with you. Explicitly. even In public, maybe in whispers, maybe shouted across the room. LOL. Desire has to be shown to be felt.

Exactly. I almost always wait until a guy's desire shows before I attempt to feel it.

what you described was the men bragging and seeking approval for their accomplishments
That behavior killed your sex drive. I understand. The equivalent behavior by women...doesnt kill my sex drive, but it doesnt get rewarded. I wanted to point it out.

I agree. I'm just a bit more easy-going than you. For instance, sometimes a guy will catch himself and apologize for bragging too much and I will say something like "That's okay. I like it when a guy brags on himself. Saves me the trouble." Maybe it's just that I much prefer bragging to self-deprecation for obvious reasons.

several women have mentioned here how when they are just being themself, wearing a tshirt and sweats, not doing anything special, they get appreciative remarks from their H's. Men get the same thing when they are just being men. If your not, you can look at yourself and make sure you are not being needy/insecure, but after that its lack of appreciation and the OP is just cruel.
Dont give your gifts to the unappreciative. I know, you know, its hard when your brimming over with positiveness.

Good advice.

[SouthernGirl]

A woman like Mrs.HD who is in complete denial of her monkey is not a balanced meal.

I remember MsHD from when everyone was posting pictures a few years ago. What an exceedingly handsome woman. Not just great looks but style. Doesn't surprise me at all HD's still attracted to her.

[MJontheMend]

I remember MsHD from when everyone was posting pictures a few years ago. What an exceedingly handsome woman. Not just great looks but style. Doesn't surprise me at all HD's still attracted to her. ;\)

I remember her as attractive too but more along the lines of really cute with big boobs rather than stylish. It's hard to be stylish when you have big boobs. Stupid fashion industry.