Another roll DH? what are you doing with them? making sliced bread?
Ya know if you and all those boys get busy during the next 2 weeks you can have a whole lot of that honey do list done by the time W gets home. The best part of that will be that you won't have had to listen to her telling you how you did it all wrong while you were getting it done!
I love you too, Jeanette! Today was not the working day. Might have been a mistake, but I had to have a vegetable day. There will be a lot of working tomorrow, and beyond.
The anklet arrived, I don't know if I told you that, so that 180 is at least ready to go. Kids are not dead, so far. Cat still likes me. It rained, dog still got walked. I need haircut, didn't want to drive to town to get one. I think that's about it!
Well, it is late at night, and as promised, I will try to fill in some history, mixed in with the present....
Starting with the present.
I think the quickest description of my situation is that I have a live-in WAW. For at least the past six months she's been sleeping outside of 'our' bedroom, first on the sofa, and then in the guest room, which is now often referred to as her room. The 'reason' for her sleeping out of the bedroom was that she was taking classes (she finished a 14 month accelerated nursing program this summer) and would study later and get up earlier than I would. And then, the mattress in our room hurts her back. It is ancient, but she wont allow it to be replaced until there is no credit card debt at all. There's not a huge amount, but that will take a while. It's all just excuses, anyway, fixing one would just create another, I am pretty sure. Anyway, for the 18 months before she left the room there was no touching allowed, and no sex for a year before that. For those who are counting, it will be three years in less than two weeks. What's worse is we went from mid '97, while she was pregnant with S9 until the fall of 2000 without, though during that time hugs and kisses were not totally out. So, that's two three year stretches in 10 years. Putting it on 'paper', I must say, it looks bad!
Obviously, the next question is why? That's a difficult one, that probably has many answers. One is that she now ways she never liked sex. Could this be true? Maybe. I know that it was always, or at east almost always, something do be done quickly, which seems to go against the norm, whatever that is. And, I can't count how many times it was rejected, even when other parts of the marriage were better. Before we were married, and far at least a while afterwards, it didn't seem to be a problem. So, draw any conclusion you can, and it might be right. Also, I think that she has a resentment bank. The problem with it is that I think she makes deposit, but I don't believe that she has ever made a withdrawal. She still brings up things I did wrong in the first months of our marriage, or one anyway. It wasn't, or didn't seem like a big deal (it dealt with not doing stuff to set up our apartment when I got home before she did, and there was obviously lot to do), but it left a permanent mark. She also doesn't think I supported her enough, in almost anything she's done, from hobbies, to classes, to child discipline, or anything else. More resentment. And, she seems to hold a lot of resentment toward men in general, and being one, I am good target. She will still often bring up her high school 'friends' telling her she shouldn't go to college because no man will want her, and somehow that's my fault. She did go to college though, so the friends were wrong! But that was a symptom of the male dominated society, and as a male, I benefit from it, and it is my fault, I guess. The worst part of that is that I think I am pretty much on the other side of the issue, but it doesn't seem to matter.
Clearly that's just the tip of the iceberg, but I am running out of gas. The quick summary is that I haven't been on the receiving end of a hug or a kiss for two years, unless you count the kids, I am not allowed to say I loved you without getting a killing look, and a lot of days I don't know why I'm here. I do sometimes give pecks on the cheek. A few weeks ago, I tried to not let her turn away, and was nearly accused of rape. I had tried to make her do something against her will, and if I would do that, what else would I do? Oh, and it come up in that discussion, she does say she doesn't like sex. But, she seems absolutely uninterested in trying to do anything about is. It will either be she can't because of classes, the new job, or fill in the blank. In one of those conversations she said something about why I wasn't looking elsewhere. I don't remember her exact statement, but I know my response was that it is not going to happen.
All of this has made it really hard for me to really even be motivated to do things that will make her 'happy', as even when I do, her interest in anything that might make me happy, that involves her, is zero.
To answer the obvious question, there is absolutely no sign of an affair, I know where she is almost all the time, and she is always on time, and always reachable. So, I do not really think there is a remote possibility.
So now perhaps I'm done. I think I have a hardcore, completely walled off, close to man hating, WAW. Any ideas?
Wow, that's some story you have there. i don't have any suggestions for you on this but i just wanted to say I'm rooting for you. I'm a little new at this myself. But have some more eggnog and I hope your X-mas is at least happy!
Me:32 H: 34 T: 12 YEARS M: ALMOST 5 S: 8 D: 4 S: 14 (OTHER R) SEPERATED: 03/09/07 (but wanted to work on it) NEW SEPERATION: 27/11/07 (doesn't know what he wants) MOVED HOME 12/01/08 I'm acting as if this blue sky is never going to rain down on me....Sara Evans
I loved the anklet! It was very pretty & dainty I hope she likes it. If she doesn't, accidently lose it and send it my way
I have been thinking about your wife....hmmm, she not only has built walls but I would guess that its a cement fortress!! To keep all her "deposits" in. The question is, how do we make withrawals without being accused of ROBBERY?
A good guess from what you said is she has some sexual issues going way back to the beggining. That one you cannot tackle on your own, she needs to understand this and do it for herself. Your wife is one smart woman!! if she can get 4.0's then she knows there is something wrong with her...but she isn't letting her guard down.
So, we need to try to address some other things first, kinda soften her up a bit. Uhm lets go back to the thing she still brings up.....you sitting in a pile of unopened boxes. She's worked all day, gets home and your sitting there Some women and men feel the need to carry the weight of the world on their shoulders....she's one of them. Your not. Sooooo....you are going to have to buck up and see if you can lift some weight off for her. Go the extra mile. Not only are you doing it for her, but your making a change within yourself that you've always wanted....to not be so laid back.
Her making the comment of "Why aren't you looking elsewhere" to me says....HEY! I'm hurting here!! Because if she was not interested in what you were doing or not doing on this matter, she wouldn't ask.
Now back to YOU! This is going to have to be a choice you make, and you are going to have to stick with it. Lets go back and remember why we are here, to save our marriage. But first there are things that need to be done. It's all about change. Problem solving and solutions.
Change....by changing what you do, it automatically changes what she does. Example, she arrives home and not everything is accomplished on the "honeydo" list, your going to get the same results as alwasy. She's going to be Tired, Angry, Upset and then feel that she cannot leave you with a few simple things to do. Therefore, justify everything she says. OR She arrives home EVERYTHING plus other nice things are done. What has she to say....except WOW, thank you! Of course you may not hear this, but it will cause a change in her. Eventually, if you keep this change a permanent one and she feels "safe" again, this will start solving some of your problems.
So if this is what you want, your gonna have to fill up that gas tank dude and put it into actions! Actions speak louder than words. Nothing says "I love you" more than coming home to a clean, well organized house after being gone for so long. Especially, in your case
This is just a starting point Jeff....so don't expect a miracle. It takes more than one change, it takes consistency. Go the extra mile while she is gone!!
Hugs Dude!
Jeanette
Change the Policy. Allow PM's Free all of us.
Also some new and improved emoticons would be nice!
Hey, Jeanette, I'm sort of here! I was up too late writing that, and then stewing on it! Hugs back at you, lady!
Not a bad idea, if she doesn't wear the anklet, you might find one in the mailbox. Weird place to lose it, but stranger things have happened, I suppose! It would look great on you, I;m sure!
Yep, these two weeks are important! And you are right, they are not going to fix everything. Hopefully they can crack the cement a little, of dig out a bit under it, whichever works. And hopefully I'll be able to see it. A tiny bit of positive feedback would help so much!
She is a very strong woman, which is, of course, part of why I married her, and, also, why it has always been a challenge to live with her. Hadn't really thought of that before. Hmmmmm.....
When she made the "looking somewhere else" remark, it almost felt like she wished I was, so that she wouldn't have to feel guilty, does that make sense? So, could it be that my response of "it's not going to happen" was the last thing she wanted to hear? Makes my head explode to think about it.
I think I'll get a shower, and get this show on the road. I never got that far yesterday, busy wallowing, I guess! But, if I get rolling, good things can happen today!
I hope she likes it. If she doesn't, accidently lose it and send it my way 
Some women and men feel the need to carry the weight of the world on their shoulders....she's one of them. Your not. Sooooo....you are going to have to buck up and see if you can lift some weight off for her. Go the extra mile. Not only are you doing it for her, but your making a change within yourself that you've always wanted....to not be so laid back.