Burgbud you've posted to me a couple of times, I havent been ignoring you intentionally just busy.
I do appreciate your questions. They make me think, Im just not real interested in hashing my stuff out here. I appreciated Fearless's as well.
I thought I would also start up this thread so I can stop jacking others when I want to climb on a soapbox.
let me find your posts to me...
That means you're invulnerable now, right? Not a pejorative question; my understanding is that puppy/bunny = vulnerable, "wants to be cared for" part.
No Im not invunerable. I have my family members that I care for very much. People could hurt my by hurting them. It would be a bad Idea, but its possible. as far as wanting to be cared for, I make sure it happens. Its my job I make sure I am fed and cared for in numerous ways. I dont allow women to feed me or clean my house. It affects me. When I was going thru the A, I thought like Dom, cleaning and cooking for me do nothing for me. After a few months, there were many things that I noticed I missed that she did FOR ME. For example, I like to come home from travel to a made bed and clean sheets. I dont arrive to a messy hotel room I dont want to come home to ANY mess either. I hired people to handle FITB, when I realized it would touch my puppy and make me feel cared for.
Ive also said, I dont think men should do what I suggest 100% of the time (even if they were able). How I handle my personal -dont want to want- issues is my problem. Women arent attracted to needy men, but being needed makes anyone feel more secure. x had a high sex drive, but her desire was high for a reason. I could have worked on her feeling more secure, but thats not why she left me. She left when she lost her attraction.
There are lots of ways to show you need someone without being needy. I used to give small seemingly insignificant gesture ideas on how to do that. Im not married, and its not my job to make a woman feel secure. What I try to do in the R's I have with women, has nothing to do with that.
The men who are acting typical nice guy dont need to hear how to make a woman feel more secure. Thats why when the women come after me with it, (cause they are right on some level, even if I cant understand it or refuse it to keep my mind clear and focused) it will just be a source of confusion to someone it doesnt apply to.
A woman wants to have Your children. She doenst want to be your Mom. Save the puppy for your Mom. maybe let him come out to play once every 10 years. (im kidding almost)
This could mean you don't believe women don't understand honor the way you do, nor do they feel obliged to keep their word or be honorable the way you do. Or it could mean you don't believe women understand honor nor do they feel obliged to keep their word *at all*.
Which way is it?
I think they feel obliged to keep their word. I also saw the comments a few people made about their wedding day thats showed it was a taken far less then serious. If they didnt feel something there wouldnt be all the incongruence and confabulation and actions contradicting words also known as Lies. I think women recognize 'honor' and appreciate what it can do for them. David Deida says that keeping your word is a masculine energy. There fore vows are a masculine idea. Some of the men who I know that are really good at starting up convo's and meeting women, are spectacular in their ability to talk like women do. They change based on every new input and emotion. It lasts about as long as mayfly season.
Being naive about what others are capable of seems foolish, but others also tend to give what we expect of them. It's a dilemma. While what you say is typical human behavior, in business I found it far more effective to exceed expectations. They may want to hear promises, but Im not a genie so Im not giving them. I dont promise sh!t. Im not nearly as succesful as Microsoft either, so it depends on whats important to you. x hated that I wouldnt promise anything. for a man in a LTR, i recommend walking the fine line between talking about what you want to accomplish and what you would like to do while avoiding promising things just to get her to 'lay off' with the pressure. That is disrepectful and P/A.
If you want to settle down, rest, and be done, then there is no shared goal or pyschological 'baby' for you and your W to work together on. Personally I would like it if she found her own thing to do,(just like I do) but invariable that seem to lead to her finding someone else to do it with.... Do what works.
saying you dont want to do FITB, without providing an alternative, is either lazy or insecure. Nothing wrong with lazy. everyone needs to recharge. Make sure that its understood you are temporarily recharging. For ex. Corri would probably have loved if her x had taken up Ballroom dancing w/ her. or suggested something like it.
I just have one small question. If you don't want women to "see" you as puppy, why do you go around looking like "Matthew McConaughey with nice hair"? I recommend a military cut, maybe a beard, those sunglasses that are like mirrors and a fake scar.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Okay, my last post was just kind of monkey but I feel a need to come out in defense of the cow. You stated on my thread that men appreciate the cow but they don't need it. I understand what you are saying but the thing is that if you want to get married someday and you want to be a father you probably want to find a girl who has some cow because if you don't you will have to be the cow for your child. Men don't need the cow but fathers do or something like that. You should read "Bleak House" by Dickens. He explains better than me.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
For ex. Corri would probably have loved if her x had taken up Ballroom dancing w/ her. or suggested something like it.
He took one dancing lesson with me and learned enough to wing it when we went out. Of course, I usually planned the night out, asked him to dance, and was generally the one responsible for fun and frivolity. It got to the point where I truly felt... "well, gosh, don't do me any favors, buddy." It was like he constantly looked at his watch wondering when I'd have my fill of 'fun' so we could go home and have sex.
It is COMPLETELY different when a man says... "hey, I'm going to go have some fun... wanna come with me?" And he goes and has fun doing his thing, and he looks to see if you are having fun, too, but he in no way feels responsible for it, nor expects you to be responsible for his. And that whole FUN thing has nothing to do with if/when you have sex (it's more like a hope, not an expectation...)
As for the rest of that stuff up there... uhm. Well. Okay. Whatever.
That post was really convoluted BF. But about this:
Quote:
How I handle my personal -dont want to want- issues is my problem. Women arent attracted to needy men, but being needed makes anyone feel more secure. x had a high sex drive, but her desire was high for a reason. I could have worked on her feeling more secure, but thats not why she left me. She left when she lost her attraction.
You really see no connection between making her feel more secure and maintaining an attraction to you? Other people have stated you are basically all wolf. If that is the case, how did you even end up M? I think you need some puppy dog to get to that place. You let her in at one point and then you slammed the door on her. It wasn't after the A. BS. I don't know why you are so stubborn. The beer to slam doesn't have to be that way if he chooses not to be. You are obviously still choosing to project that image. Fine. It's your life. But my gut is telling me it's not really who you are and certainly not who you want to be. You wouldn't be posting on this message board if that was the case. You already know you are attractive as a man. Maybe you should focus more on maintaining that attraction long-term, unless you plan on never having kids, getting M again, or having any long-term sexual R's.
Mojo If you don't want women to "see" you as puppy, why do you go around looking like "Matthew McConaughey with nice hair"? I recommend a military cut, maybe a beard, those sunglasses that are like mirrors and a fake scar.
For the same reason you dress like a super sexy vixen, and not like a house frau. Im trying to get laid, not look like a dime novel sociopath. I dont look like M McC. He is shorter buff and good looking. I have long hair to hide my big ears. Id look like the character from MAD magazine with short hair. I cant grow a good beard, Too much Native possibly. and it wouldnt look good my face is long and narrow. I have plenty of scars. Plenty. just not on my face. Its against my religion to use my face to stop injury.
I was serious about the icahbod crane referance. When I said looks dont matter, I was speaking from experience. Imagine my trust in a woman when she says something like that. Imagine if a man came up to you and said wow you have nice hair and look like [insert blond actress here that you dont look like-- alley mcbeal]... its obvious what she wants, and your left thinking... whats wrong with you.
You stated on my thread that men appreciate the cow but they don't need it... the thing is that if you want to get married someday and you want to be a father you probably want to find a girl who has some cow because if you don't you will have to be the cow for your child. Men don't need the cow but fathers do or something like that
You dont have to defend the cow to me. I have no problem eroticizing the cow. I think pregnant women are HOT. You know why? cause you cant get them pregnant. LOL. J/K. I was prepared to bring the cow. Its one of the things I recognized about my x, and I said long time ago. there is something innately unfeminine when you have to require the cow. she used to hold babies and her nephews like a bag of dog poo. I knew it but figured I could cover her half, or she would learn when we had em... If I could convince myself to be celibate, my friend who runs a boys home has asked me to be a foster parent. I dont think it would be a good environment with the current revolving door. I think about it...
anyways, Ive given up on kids. My moment came and went. She wasnt on BC when we got back togther, and started a month or so later (after we got back from honduras I think...)and ended up miscarrying the unknown pregnancy. [trust me I hear what the anti BC people are thinking] reminds me of a song. dont like plannin stuff out, it never happens that way.
I wish I could come up with some reason why I cant seem to go get a Vasectomy again. Im disappointed in myself. Be monkey and random all you want. I like it.
