Trains don't run forever Fire goes out sometime Gotta tell you, baby We've come to the end of the line Pages of yesterday Fill this book of mine Gotta tell you, baby It is the end of the line I can't remember those good old days They are from a different time I gotta tell you, baby We've come to the end of the line
J. J. Cale End Of The Line lyrics
I think its time for a new thread because I am entering a new phase of my life. The lyrics above sum up pretty well how I feel right now. W called around to talk the other day. Had found a bigger place to live so she could share custody of D12. I was disappointed , however agreed with what she was proposing until I saw where she wanted to move too. I phoned her and said she could not have our Daughter living there ( it was tidy but in a bad area and with no yard at all), she said its all she could find. I asked if there was any rush to move out of where she was and she said no. So the plan is now that I will help her find a nicer place and help pay for it , hopefully closer to here and D's school. In return I get to stay in the family home until the Kids no longer need it. The boys stay with me and we share custody of D 50/50 . With a closer place my hope is that the boys can spend time there as well and it can almost become an extension of home for them if thats possible. So thats where we are headed and to be truthful I am very comfortable with that , the trade off being that this House will become my space , financialy it will be tough but thats the way of things I guess. I have even had "the talk" with the Boys where I have said that I need to get on with my life and that means I am not prepared to like life like a monk.
Is the door totaly closed ? no but its not open too far .
Will I keep DB'ing , of course, its second nature now anyway and it has realy been a success for us in that I am sure that has preserved enough of our relationship to enable us to co-parent in a healthy way.
I also know she is not totaly "gone" as there has been no talk of divorce at all. She has even neglected to tell close friends of hers that we are separated. But I am through trying to figure out what she does.
There will be challenges to come , and I will still visit this board . The only constant is change.
Wow Dave.. sorry for the latest developments, but sounds like you are taking care of yourself, glad to see that!
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Dave-- I don't know what to say when we get to those realizations...but you have always been much more clear-headed about reality than I was, anyway. I wish I hadn't gone as far down my path as I did; I'm not sure how co-parenting will ever work for me. Right now we are just parallel parenting--no verbal communication or contact at all (except attending my S's concert this week, and that was brief).
You are stronger than I. Keep focusing on those great kids, and yourself.
I want to wish you happy holiday's & Christmas cheer!
Quote:
I am through trying to figure out what she does.
This is where I am also. Makes interactions much less stressful & allows them to move towards us, if they should want to make that move. Takes away that "edge" that turns potentially positive experiences into ones that probably repel, to say the least.
Quote:
The only constant is change.
Isn't that the truth. It's good for me to keep that in mind when I find myself wanting my old life back as it was with my H, without the desired changes on his part for a healthy R.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
I thank you all for looking in. I have taken a bit of a break from the board , have been very busy with the Holidays etc. I guess a bit of an update is in order. Firstly I had a function to go to before Christmas and I had no partner so asked a female friend to go and she accepted. Nothing romantic just fun. I told W I was taking her and this realy caused the wheels to fall off her trolley. She would barely look at me and worried about it all day. Christmas Eve , I suggested she stay at home so that she could be with Kids in the morning. She accepted and slept on couch, Still angry with me though. I got fed up and said something to her , cant even remember what. Next day ( christmas ) she was in a much better mood and we had a nice day , that night she stayed and watched a movie , I asked when she was going . She had decided she wanted to stay the night so I let her stay and took the couch as I was away early in the morning. Perhaps there was an opportunity there but I did not take it. She was gone by the time I got back the next day and I have not seen her since.
So shes still a bit lost, not totaly gone , I think I may need to lead her a little , see if she responds.
Sounds like a good Christmas Dave, glad to see that!
I agree with SD... the question, I think, is where do you want it to go?? Do you WANT to lead her towards you (if you can) at this point?
I think in DR it would be in the sections about goal setting... not sure if there's another book that gets into it as well.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
The ultimate goal would be to have a relationship with W where we both were in it 100% , that could only be good for us and our family. We both failed at this before , I like to think I have addressed a lot of my own behaviours that were lacking. If W could get somewhere near that same page then we could be "game on" . I get the feeling that she may want the same ultimate goal but does not think its possible. In her own words , her heads still spinning. She drifts in and out of WAS thinking these days. Me going out rattled her and I dont think its a bad thing that she realises that other women find me at least attractive or fun enought to hang out with. I have to be cautious with this though. She is sitting on the fence , I will show her the way off ( gently) , once I figure out how .
The good thing is that I am without fear. One way or the other as long as we are moving forward , I can deal with it.
Hi Dave - Not fearing the possible outcome is the best place to be. Even after Piecing for a while, there are moments when the long term outcome can seem questionable. Detachment is definitely a good friend
Originally Posted By: C_K
In her own words , her heads still spinning. She drifts in and out of WAS thinking these days.
Her honesty about the head spin is refreshing. Remember to highlight the positives every day - sometimes they are so in the thick of the fog they cannot see that it is actually a good life. Simple things like 'Dinner was fun' can make a difference.
