My son sleeps over at his fathers home once per week. His father only has a small flat and so son and his father sleep in the same double bed (son is 11) neither find this a problem. However, we recently found out that OW has been staying over at my H home and sleeping in the bed. This would obviously mean that they ML in the bed. I do not believe my H would change the sheets prior to son sleeping in the bed.
My son feels uncomfortable about staying there but H isputting pressure on himsaying that there is nothing wrong with sex, it is not dirty , it is designed to bring people closer together etc.
Son is very confused.
I don't feel son should be sleeping in the bed but am afraid to say anything for fear of being seen to be stopping my H spending time with my son.
Does anyone have any thoughts on this matter that could help me?
So confused about what to do.
We have been separated for 4 months. H has been with OW for 4 months.
Many thanks NC
Be The Greener Grass.
Me 40 H 42 Son 11 Married 15 years. Left May 2006 after gambling spree I had EA August 2006 OW Aug 07 after another gambling spree (she will make me happy - stop me gambling!) I filed for divorce 9th April 2008.
Wow! Unbelieveable! Does it always have to be about them!
If your son is uncomfortable, please let him know that he does not have to go there.
This is where i would draw the line! There is no reason he has to make your son go and sleep in the same bed! (doesn't matter if it is before or after the fact!) Is there a mattress/cot that could be put in a different room?
I would definately stand with my son and tell him that he did not have to go.
This is what we teach them from a very young age,"follow your instincs." "If it makes you uncomfortable don't do it."
Also, NC, if you are uncomfortable please say something to let your son know you are there for him. He needs to feel safe, not pressured.
If this is the kind of relationship your husband wants to project onto your son, then maybe there needs to be a pause in the visitation. Your husband needs to put his priorities in order.
This makes me so angry, to make a child feel this way. He is so innocent in all of this Ugggggg
E
"Sometimes in the winds of change, we find our true direction"
My H and I actually had quite a heated discussion about this last week. (OW was in the background saying "what's the problem is the sheets are washed" and "We are not admiting to anything"
Despite all of the upset he still asked son to sleepover. Son said no and made an excuse up about having too much HW to do. H just said Oh more like your mother trying to poison you against me, she doesn't want you to spend time with me etc etc etc...
My Poor child is stuck in the middle. I really do not care what H says or does to me but he knows the way to wind me up is to say stuff to my son.
NC
Be The Greener Grass.
Me 40 H 42 Son 11 Married 15 years. Left May 2006 after gambling spree I had EA August 2006 OW Aug 07 after another gambling spree (she will make me happy - stop me gambling!) I filed for divorce 9th April 2008.
NC, Speaking from my own childhood experience, it is SO important that your S not feel that his feelings are being ignored. Your H needs to hear him out and validate how he feels...not make excuses like "nothing wrong with sex, it is not dirty , it is designed to bring people closer together etc." He's 11 for Godsake! It's yucky to him and it should be!! Not to mention a kid can probably accept this intimacy with his own mother...but with someone he barely knows?? Poor kid.
It kills me how these men have this "the kids will fine" attitude about everything. This is the height of selfishness.
Could you and H go and see a counsellor together about co-parenting? And this could come as one of the topics. It sounds like whatever comes out of your mouth will sound like opposition for the sake of argument as opposed to what is in your S's best interest. Maybe a 3rd party could help your H see the repercussions of what he is doing.
I'm sorry you have to deal with this...my heart goes out to you and your S. J~
M 35 H 29 M 4 yrs T 9 yrs D 3 S born 10/19/07 Bomb 09/10/07 Separated next day OW - broke up and H moved out 09/07/08 Status - still figuring this out
Hi NC, A short-term solution may be to buy your s an air mattress and sheets that he can keep at h's place. That way, s doesn't have to sleep in their bed and h can't blame you for keeping s from him.
For the long-term, I agree with Jenny that visiting a counselor to discuss co-parenting would be best.
Or give him a sleeping bag when he goes there. Sure he would be on the floor so to speak but he wouldnt have to be in bed with them. Does your son kick when he sleeps? If not start telling him too
Gman Me 40 W 30 kids B 11 B 10 D 8 Been here off and on since 06. PA Confirmed Dec 08.. With God, anything is possible. Do or do not there is no try. Sometimes you have to roll the hard six...
"The kids will be fine as long as we deal with it right"
Who is he kidding? I have a d21 and she is so angry with her father. Unreal.
Don't let him sleep in that bed!!!!!
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
