I all I dont post very often , but read alot. We are in the process of the Divorce. I belive he has retained an attorney now, I did so last summer after he filed and would nto speak to me about any child support , basically just wanted me to go away. Well I dod so many things wrong since 2005 we have gone through all of our savings to live seperate and run two households and I got the time a space speech followed a year later, by I made my choice, you did nt take care of yourself.....and I meet the OW las year on Christmas day in my home and wow, she has one thing on me , she is a twig, I am average and maybe a but round, but fairly well put together and 46 and I can still turn a few heads ok not as many as in my younger days, but I am no middle aged frump...although I wont lie and say I dont feel like used shoes....thrown in the garbage, ok enough of the pity party....
I am getting all these nasty emails now about bills and finances...for 2 plus years i have been telling him we cant afford to go on like this, and maybe now he realizes it....who knows, he has basicaly been the runner who does not want to talk to me, sees me and cant wait to get away....mostly this part all started since me meeting the OW, before that he seemed really torn. Meeting the OW was not planned and I stopped by our home to pick something up and low and behold they were there....a few months after that I called her H or XH, who then outed her affair to friends and family and the day after that my H filed for D and since then worse and wors very distant. I belive they are very much together at this point....here is the kicker...he once introduced our son to her and said she was a friend....I told son well I wish that was true but she is more than a friend, son called his dad on it and he retracted and has kept her in hiding ever since and tells son there is nothing going on...i will probably never belive this is the man I married, but I am very weary now, and want peace and my life. I feel like we are D and yet he controls everything. Son and I moved to an area H wanted us to , house was put up for sale and has not sold...now I am thinking i need to think of my future and save whatever is left financially. Our monthly expenses do not make sense to continue....we have mediation on Jan 10 ..I wonder how long wil it take to get everything settled....I want to make my own decisions now...making decisions based on him coming out of this has got me in a big mess financially...
I wonder if I am going into MLC, I dont think so, but maybe finally in reality???? Should i just ignore his nasty emails, I told him today talk to the attorney it is out of my hands and he said his attorney told him he probably has justification not to pay car insurance, I thought that had to wait until the court r lawyers worked it out. There are many things that I am paying that wer both of ours..ughhh Gosh, I wanted to be a stander..but you know I dont think I have it in me...I want peace, I am a good person , who was loyal and hard working and a good Mom and wife...I dont think I can continue, the way he wants out of his financial obligations is a huge turn off to me....ok why or why when he had OW was i willing to stand???? This is for iron people and I am not made of he right stuff..any advice??
My only advice is to protect yourself financially. It is hard, for it feels like the end of your marriage in some ways. But you must do it. My MLC W spent like crazy all summer, and I finally separated the finances in October. I avoided a financial disaster only because I refused to put up with her spending any longer. I have no inheritance coming; if you are on your own financially, youk must protect yourself. No shame in that. You cannot know what the future holds. My MLC W told me yesterday she wants a D. I'm fine with that, but if I had let the finances go on another six weeks I would be in much worse shape now. It was hard when I did it. Believe me, it was painful to walk into payroll and tell them to divert my paycheck. It was hard to walk into the bank and set up a new account. But, I am SO glad I did. You cannot put your future in their hands. You must take care of yourself. Hard, but necessary. Take care.
Thanks Bruce, I just read my post, boy do I sound pathetic...I know you are right..I just feel so controlled..for two years I have been going along with all his plans...I moved out of the house, etc,....and now in an expensive area and the list goes on...he paid house payments late and now my credit is trashed, I wonder if I could even rent if I wanted too, I must for the next 6 months get my credit on track or longer who knows...I am feeling weird today like fine hurry up and get your D, boss around your OW , the problems is I see me in my son, my son is trying so hard to fill H hole, trying to be everything to him....ughhhh, my son told me today he lost his lunch box that was from my H work with a company logo and h got mad...son wanted to go on his work web site and replace it.....oh my gosh, over a lost lunch box..that is one example....and i look at my son and see oh my gosh that was me..always trying to make every thing better , be enough....but nothing is ever enough...
Thanks Bruce, I just read my post, boy do I sound pathetic...I know you are right..I just feel so controlled..for two years I have been going along with all his plans...I moved out of the house, etc,....and now in an expensive area and the list goes on...he paid house payments late and now my credit is trashed, I wonder if I could even rent if I wanted too, I must for the next 6 months get my credit on track or longer who knows...I am feeling weird today like fine hurry up and get your D, boss around your OW , the problems is I see me in my son, my son is trying so hard to fill H hole, trying to be everything to him....ughhhh, my son told me today he lost his lunch box that was from my H work with a company logo and h got mad...son wanted to go on his work web site and replace it.....oh my gosh, over a lost lunch box..that is one example....and i look at my son and see oh my gosh that was me..always trying to make every thing better , be enough....but nothing is ever enough...
This is where you stand tall and with all the grace and strength you have you SHOW your boy the best of you. Show him the high tensile steel you have in your veins. I know it's there.
He shouldn't replace the lunch box. If he's like most kids he may be a bit careless. Sometimes as parents we overreact. I'm hoping that is what his Dad did. However, it's a lunch box! Protect yourself and your boy. Talk to him and let him know his value does not come from other people. Show him this is true by your own actions. There is a book by Stephen Stosny (?) about walking on eggshells, I don't remember the title off hand. I'll look, but you might take a trip to a local library...
Have you talked to someone about your credit? Perhaps there is something you can do to start fixing it.
