I consider the MLC hellfire what I needed to galvanize myself into the person I desired to be.
BTW I am one of those people you wanted to know about at the top of your post.
Why did it happen? MLC, thats one answer. We both forogt that the other person was the person we loved, we forgot to show it every day and to strive in our marriage rather than be complacent about it. She had an MLC I became an LBS. Affairs affect everyone is pretty much the same way, jealousy, anger, self pity, low feelings of self esteem, righteousness.
But her MLC made me realize I was far from the person she fell in love with, I was far from the person I wanted to be.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
I've come through pretty much the same journey and come to similar conclusions as you. I stopped investing in my W, demonstrating my commitment, love and support and respecting her individuality, which is so important. I also lost sight of many of these things in myself, without ever realising. One day you wake up and the damage is done.
To my W, I am very sorry.
Max
Me 36 W 37 Bomb (Easter 07) Sep (WAW July 07) "It's over" (end Oct 07) T10.5 years, M2 (before bomb)
Although this process is ugly and difficult, particularly if children are involved, it does present tremendous opportunities for personal growth and fulfilment. That has to be a good thing, don't you think?
Amen, Brother! I'm living proof of that, not that you really need it.
Now that I am that person, back on the path to becoming, every day, the best person I can be, I have some time for reflection. H2B and I each think the other has changed so much. I laugh at this some times because he thinks I've changed so much, and I still feel like the same person at my core. The reverse must also be true. I think he's changed and grown so much, but I'm sure he still thinks he is the same.
One of the things that works well for H2B and me now that we've each gone through this growth is that we, indirectly, push each other to be the best we each can be. We inspire each other to greatness. Now my humble self knows that I am no where near greatness, but I certainly am much closer than I was 3 years ago when the bomb dropped. I was not being my best self. I was frumpy and whiney and clingy and needy. Blech! Who wants that??? H2B was angry and mean and at times even brutal. Who wants that?
We have been able to move beyond that, and instead of bringing out the worst in each other, we now bring out the best. A far, far better place to be. Whether the WA participates or not, it's all about being our best person.
