A good freind of mine here in Iraq showed me this article. It shows that although you can be doing everything right as a guy, sometimes that isn't enough. It happenned to him too. He is a stereotype reversal. he is an Arican American male who is successfully raising three daughters, including critiquing their High school English papers via a web cam 4 hour beffore his 16 hour work days begin. His wife just left. Period. (not to slight the women here, but this article shows just how tough divorce is on men and men who are fathers inparticualry).
I felt I was the "unassuming 51-year old" that they interviewed. I wish the majority of people (not you guys) knew just how hard divorce is on men, and that the old stereotyp of the man "trading up" for the trophy wife is much overplayed.
I'm female and that happened to me. I didn't get that we had to buy a new house because he wasn't happy.... with the marriage. I look back and see the signs but the truth is, I was blissfully in love and willingly took his excuses that he was distracted because of work.
The sucker punch goes either way, I just think women are better at planning for it quietly and dealing with a bad situation until time is right to leave. I have yet to meet a man who dealt with a bad situation quietly and didn't need to make everyone around him as miserable as he is.
I was aware of a problem, its just that I was assured repeatedly that the problem wasn't us or me but work related. I guess you could say the OW was work related....
It is devastating to go from, " I am so lucky and I love my H so much.... life is so good right now.... what could happen to mar this?" to " What do you mean you don't want to be married?"
I remember you from long ago when I first got here. I'm really sorry. There doesn't seem to be an emotionally more cruel thing a person can do to another.
Sorry. I guess I'm just a bitter male right now. You're right. It can go either way.
I have been a single mom since 1994. (Came on the board for a later relationship)...I have known a few single dads....and they are amazing. In my world, the single dads with custody have calmer households, happier kids...than the ones with single mothers with the dads gone AWOL. Even when the mothers went AWOL. I would not have expected that. But it is what I have experienced with several data points in each scenario.
The MOST well adjusted kids have had both parents right in there with them.
From what I've seen, the kids with the worst time have gone between both parents.
So in order....and only my own experience:
Best to worst:
B oth parents Joint custody getting along Dad with Custody Mom with Custody Joint custody not getting along One with custody but visitation split abo ut half and half
This is not a scientific study, just 13 years my own experience.
Last edited by sgctxok; 12/16/0711:02 PM.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
What I noticed the most about is the balooning of the left ventricle. As a medic and responded to many heart attacks and CVAs the blowing of the left Ventricle is the leading cause of heart attacks but we always blamed clogged arteries. Hmmmm.
This could be the source of some of the pain people feel when this happens. I wounder if a cause of depression has similar effects weather the balooning of the LV causes the depression or the oppsite. I would like to see any studies in that area.
On the other aspect of this article it bemoans the fact most of the WASs are Women. I firmly believe that no one gender or no one time period is more moral or God Fearing. The difference is opportunity.
One can look at historical records of previous societies Upper Crust. The courts of Russia or France in the 17th and 18th century and the Roman Empire. Bible readers who vote in this election would probably not vote for King David after Uriah the husband of his lover was killed and why would David's lover a married woman be exposing herself to plain view of another man? Though David was not given a free pass here opportunity to temptation does seem to increase the odds of marriages failing or the refusal of one spouse dealing with the problems of the other
Just my 1.5cents
"All I want is a weeks pay for a day's work" Steve Martin
One thing is strange to me in this country is the disparity of financial judgments.
My situation fit the classic....the girls and I were down 75% and he was up 42%, but he "feels" poor and won't buy them gifts until his dad gives him the money (and he's 54 yrs old!). We actually lived below the poverty level for 5 years and b arely over for the next 2 years. Now I make more than he does, b ut I still pay the major support for all of us. I 'feel' richer and always have. He 'feels' the rage and anger still...after 13 years post divorce.
And yet I read about guys like those in the article who truly get screwed. I work with women who get huge child support payments, and they live really well -- like their c hild support is almost another full time income.
Something isn't right for sure.
One size definitely doesn't fit all.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
FLTC, I'm just catching up on your thread. Don't worry about the anger you expressed earlier, it's all part of the rollercoaster ride. I wrote practically the same stuff awhile back when I too saw 17 years going down the toilet! It seemed so unreal to me that my W would want to destroy our family over some "feeling" that was no longer present yet she was unwilling to try and get it back, "some people just arent' meant to be together". Yep, it's all written in the friggin stars or some such sh!t, nothing she could do about it! So I respect your anger, let it have it's day and then try to make the next day better for yourself. I'll be thinking of you!!!!
