FIsh - that is great your W listened to your side of the story and you do have communication. I know the what ifs kill me too every day. What if instead I had done this or that - what if we had talked a year ago - what if I had lost weight sooner - what if I had returned to work sooner - what if the last few weeks before he revealed the affair and I knew something was really wrong I talked to him and told him how much I loved him instead of pulling away and feeling angry. What if I had not reacted so angry and pitiful when he ended the M - what if I had DB'd from the start and became this thin, independent, understanding woman from the beginning that he could not find fault with and make him think he was making a mistake. I think you stated it perfect in your last comment and I keep telling myself that they have done what is in their best self interest instead of doing things to make the situation better. I truly do believe MIchelles philosphy that any marriage can be saved. Everybody pulls apart at some time in a long realtionship. Its just working on getting that connection back - its wanting to - and they dont want to for their own selfish reasons. My H also blamed me and was very angry. He said he did not even like me anymore - everything was my fault - I was a lousy wife. Then when we attempted to repair our marriage for a few days in Oct he had tears in his eyes about the affair. I dont know.??? Is it guilt that makes them lash out and blame us. Whatever it is - it worked - becuase I am in the same boat - I blame myself and what if do death.
I have started feeling better. Between therapy and the anti-ds kicking in, I am sleeping well and just feel healthier.
The "What-ifs" are a killer. In time, it will pass.
Had a long convo with my mom last night. She basically said that my wife's behavior is not normal for a woman with a 7 year old child. Think of all of the things that your spouse could have done differently for you to have a happy marriage. That should put things in perspective.
Hey fish - I tried to PM you and a block came up saying your message file reached its limit? I dont know I'm tech challenged. (I even had to look up what PM meant - I know pathetic!) HA Try sending me one - I would love to chat - Its great your Mom made you feel better - kind of validates its not you - not even close. Unfortunately my mom is still praying for us to reconcile and when I talk to her I get - is there anything you can do? cant you just sit down and talk? Like it is even up to me.
Well court tomorrow - we will be officially separated and then the lawyers start to hash out the divorce proceedings. Things not going good between H and I. No contact except visitation and even that is a problem - has not seen his D in over a month - keeps cancelling and then emailing wants to see her off the scheduled visitation days and gets mad if I dont respond fast enough. We just dont see eye to eye. All he sees is a difficult person who is giving him a hard time - not accomodating his schedule and complaining to the lawyers racking up bills just becuase he wants to take D to OW house where they live. I of course just see a self centered man who only thinks of himself. The future looks bleak. It would take a miracle at this point. Its difficult to DB when you have no contact and then when you do you are dealing with a person who puts himself before his own D. In one month he has only asked to see her 2 times and I agreed to both but he got mad because I responded the same day when he only emailed me the night before one time and on a Friday eve to see her Monday this time. I called him MOnday becuase I was so disgusted he never showed up last week and my D was waiting for him. I know DBing is GALing which I have done. I have a new job, lost weight and starting to exercise. Its difficult to have a social life as a single mother with no family around to help out. But is the other part of DBing just smiling and agreeing to everything your selfish spouse wants so they can see you in "a new light". Its very difficult. Im starting to lean towards not wanting my H back - not this H - this is not who I was married to and that person is gone forever.
Sorry to hear that things are not going well. Clearly, you have made some significant changes and deserve much better.
I would suggest that you read a book called "Crazy Time," by Abagail ?. It is about the ups and downs during separation and divorce.
I noticed that you posted at 2:16AM. Are you sleeping ok?
If not, you should see a psychiatrist who can help you through this very difficult period. They can also prescribe meds to help you with anxiety and sleep issues. It really has helped me.
I have had a lot of ups and downs lately. My anxiety and depression has passed, but each morning I wake up a bit sad thinking about what might have been.
W and I are having breakfast this morning and then she is driving me to the airport. I believe there is a slim chance of reconciliation. I feel so sorry for my daughter, she is 7 and deserves so much better. We all do.
No - Im not sleeping well at all - I'm exhausted every night from work and taking care of my D but my eyes pop open at 2 am just about every day. I lay there thinking and then just get up - I have the coffee pot going by 2:30 becuase its just no use going back to bed. Then of course by 4:00 Im wiped. Ive heard of that book "crazy time" - Ill check it out becuase yes this is crazy time. I have been thinking of seeing soemone to talk and maybe get something for sleeping. Fish Im glad you had breakfast with your w hope if went well. A slim chance of reconcilitation is a chance - and I think that is all any of use are asking a chance - just one more chance. Your D does deserve better - so does mine. I hope our spouses will realize the pain they have caused them. Well I went to court today and we have to go back again in March - H still not submitting all financial doc that he is supposed to. Mentioned he has not seen D in a month and he lied said I wont let him - of course I have all the emails and doc stating otherwise and so becuase the judge does not know who to believe someone will be speaking to my D and she can tell the truth. But yep this is what is has come down to my daughter has her own laywer. what a ###@@ mess. THanks for your thoughts broken tree.
We need to get you back on a proper sleep cycle. Waking up at 2:30AM each day is going to wear you down. Go see a shrink, he will give you some meds that will get you back on track. The sooner you go on them, the sooner you go off them.
Terrible situation with your daughter. It is so sad that the kids get in the middle on this mess. I feel like I have been a huge disappointment to my D. I have no idea what she must think. She was my buddy, we did everything together. Being a part time dad su*ks!
I also tried to send you a PM and it did not work. I will send you an email.
Ellis, I too was waking up every day between 2 and 3. I got over-the-counter Nytol, and it has helped me immensely. That was all I needed. My alarm wakes me up most days now. Still wake up early occasionally but it's usually because I have to pee!
Me: 54 Her: 50 and sexy as hell M: 32yrs T: 34yrs Bomb: Sept 26-07 "lost our emotional connection" Bomb 2: Dec 25-07 she's "not feeling desire" She asked if she could come home Apr 26-08! Everything's GREAT!
Thanks guys I will try to find something to sleep better. Happy Valentines Day everyone - rough this year - first one alone in 20 years - how is everyone coping today?
