Long and Bumpy Road 2be continued...

[Startingover2]

Bump

[blindsided1]

Sounds pretty crazy to me. That message from MIL was out of left field I'm assuming. This is something that I worry about with my MIL, as well. I try not to put H down in front of her, ever. They know what he did was wrong. I also ask that she not talk about OW with me. This helps me and her. I have a very close bond with my MIL and the rest of his family. I would hate to get a letter like that. I hope that today finds you in better spirits. Sounds like you H may be rethinking his decisions. Mine is still way too confusing. Good luck.

[Startingover2]

LOL...my H is rethinking his decisions daily. It goes back and forth. Yesterday at lunch he was saying it was all about the baby and us getting along...then last night he was mad that I wasn't responding like he wanted. I acted indifferent and he hates that. His rules only apply to him evidently.

I am not sure if I should respond to MIL's letter or not. It really hurt my feelings that she said that H laughed with OW and not me. Well, he didn't live with OW, he didn't pay bills with her, and it was a new fricking relationship! It wasn't real life. He didn't get drunk in front of her either. That was a mean thing for her to say.

[blindsided1]

It was a mean thing for her to say. Sometimes though I don't think they realize how hurtful those comments can be to us LBS's. Once in a while my MIL or FIL will say something and it stings. I have asked them both kindly to not talk about her to me. I don't want to know anything that H has said about OW. It makes it easier for all of us I think. My MIL is trying to find out all the information she can on OW. I think this is a mistake. I have told her so. I suggested she just leave it alone. But, I can't control her. I told her that I don't want any information about OW. I am content pushing her out of my mind and treating her as if she is NOTHING.

[Startingover2]

Need help here!! I don't want to be reactive and want to say and do the right thing.

After our lunch the other day where he told me he wants to hang out a few days a week and spend some time together before the baby is born and then after that he feels like we will bond as a family....I asked him why wait until she is born to start bonding? His answer was he can't think about that because he has too much going on.

What do you all think of that? Is it just a ploy to keep his foot in the door so I don't shut him out of the rest of this pregnancy and birth? I know he is worried about that. He worries I won't call him when I go into labor.

Part of me says that is ok if he is being honest. But, the lingering question is it really that? Is it so he can continue cake eating? So he can still have contact with OW. So he doesn't have to make a decision yet and he can fence sit a bit longer?

I find myself pulling away from him. I never contact him and am back at that irritated place. I know OW is still lingering around but don't know their status. A girlfriend saw her yesterday and followed her....she drove by H's house 4 times in about 30 minutes. She is obscessed! I truly believe he is probably stringing her along and she is insecure about thier relationship too. I don't feel sorry for her.

I really need some answers. Do I go with the flow and spend time with him or do I say all or nothing at this point?

[Startingover2]

Pleeeezzzeee!!!

[grdn24grl]

Personally, I think it's a good thing that he wants to spend time with you, but you do need to be careful, don't overindulge his whims. Maybe spending time with you is what he needs to remind him of what he's losing if he continues his R with OW. I am by no means an expert but you asked for opinions and there's mine. Good luck and just keep you ears & eyes open for clues.

[Startingover2]

Thanks grdn...

I just wish I knew if his motives were right or if they are just to guarantee he is around for the baby's birth. He sways back and forth so much in what he says. Wednesday night it was ILY, I miss you, then on Thursday it was lets just hang out and see what happens. I don't get it.

[grdn24grl]

I have heard repeatedly "believe half of what you see and even less of what you hear." I got "I miss you so much" then nothing for over a week, then I get a call to discuss a D - talk about confusing? It's just a ride and we're strapped in and can't get out of the car. Patience, patience, patience.

[blindsided1]

In my opinion, maybe you should see how it goes hanging out with him and just spending time together. Give it a week or two and if it feels like things don't seem to be progressing, pull back some. Go into it with NO expectations, that would be the best thing for you. I can't stand this ride. I felt horrible last night because of the feelings I have of being replaced so easliy. Then around 11pm I get a text "what are u doing" a couple of text exchanges and then nothing else. It's weird. sometimes I wonder Why? Why is he texting me for no reason? Who knows. Remember to not try and read his mind, you can't do it and you'll just make yourself crazy. Hope you are feeling well. After you go to the lawyer on the 14th, I'd be interested to hear what they tell you as far as custody goes, especially when she's a newborn. Have a good weekend and stay dry. It's really gloomy out there. But, sometimes I love this kind of weather.