I had just finished eating and was figuring out what I was going to do. W called.. she has conferences this week, so she was getting out of work late. The bad thing was she left D3's baby and blanket at school. She was frazzled.. yelling at the D's.. so I decided to go and get those items.
She called and asked if I had any money.. wanted me to pick up dinner, but I didn't have any cash on me and I was already at her place.
W was boo hooing about how stressed she was, how she doesn't deserve this.. especially around the holidays.. she said nobody deserves this. She complained about being fat.. her normal depression words. Little break here.. W has some serious issues in this department. I asked if she was going to counseling. She said no, but she needed to. I told her I would even pay the copay if she needed me to. I just really want her to get counseling.
So.. as I'm sitting there talking with W and hanging with the D's, there is a knock at the door. OM walks in with fast food. I told W I had to go and she asked "Why?" WTF WTF WTF?
As I leave, she follows me out the door.. I think she wanted a hug/kiss.. she told me how much it meant to her that I brought the doll and blanket.
This morning, she called about logistics around the swim party tonight. She again said how much she appreciated me getting those things. She also said "I'd like to say some other things to you, but it's not appropriate" Wonder what that's about?
Then.. she says she thinks that her and D5 need counseling. Evidently, D5 woke up in the middle of the night crying and screaming. W said she was sad and didn't know why.
Funny thing, she is never like that here. Yes she is very clingy, but I make sure and take care of her and spend time with her. I wonder if W is too butt blind to see that. I know she spoils them.. tries to be their friend instead of mother. She complains each time they go over there about how unruly they are.
Anyway.. I'm fine with the counseling. I think W needs her own, but not sure she will do that.
Ok, let me get this straight, you were at W's apartment and in walks in OM and W wonders why you leave? Ok. Yeah. I think its bad to see OW in a parking lot!!! You are so strong. Does he act afraid of you at all?
Hey Jarhead Hmmm...the interaction at W's house w/OM is interesting. She called you and told you how she's feeling and asked you to do get the doll and blanket. Asked you to get food and you couldn't do that for her. Do you think she called OM and asked him to bring food? What's interesting to me is that he brought in food, yet you're the one she follwed out thanking and apologizing. Could it be that JH is slowly becoming a man that she doesn't take for granted and OM is filling those shoes? It sounds like she cast him aside and pursued you. I may be reading too much into it, but it caught my eye.
I think you're handling things perfectly. Your W seems to want someone else to take on responsibility where she's weak, but maybe she has more respect for a man who won't do that? It reminds me of a GF that my son had. He has very strong boundaries and co-dependent isn't in his vocabulary. He'll listen, support and comfort, but isn't a fixer. When he refused to fix her probs she would say that he made her feel bad about herself. She was looking for someone to save her from her probs and insecurities, not someone to share life with. It reminds me of you and your W. You've actually become stronger and more confident being apart from her. You handle your life great and your W is attracted to your confidence. Try to keep maintaining your boundaries and not become part of her problems.
I show up at school to pick D's up and take them to the party. W was to meet us there. I stopped in to get the invitations and was chatting/flirting with W. She bent over (TMI I know) and I noticed she was wearing a particular pair of underwear that again I got and she never wore for me. I mentioned them (I'm a butt man.. sorry!!) and she gave an evil smile.
As she went out to her car to get the girls suits, I asked if OM was coming. Turns out he was.. I told her once he showed up I was gone. She started giving me grief about doing that, but I told her I won't be subjected to that. She called on her way and while she followed him for directions, she told him not to come. She was upset.. said she still loved me and wanted us to have a normal relationship. I told her it was hard given the circumstances. I told her I had plans.. she asked if there would be girls and I said there would.. she didn't like this.
Swim party went OK. I wasn't totally happy with the bod, but things went OK. I was the only adult in the pool.. mostly women parents.. all watching me. Then a lady from her work showed up.. I wonder what she's told them as they wanted nothing to do with me.
After the swim part, we all went into a family changing room to change. I changed my bottoms in a room separate from everyone else. W changed right in front of me. I teased and flirted.
As we left, she called.. asked how I could flirt with her and go out with another woman. I said "The same way you can flirt with me and sleep with another man."
She said she loved me and wanted to talk about us.. but she wanted to wait until the time was right. Wonder what that means.. after she gets her Xmas present from OM?
Some other stuff.. Evidently W had OM and another male friend over the night before. Both slept over.. OM in her bed, friend on the couch. D5 woke up screaming.. she's been sad.. even school has now said something. She's not like that with me.. W made a stink about it. I asked if the fact that there were 2 strange men in the house.. I guess her mom lit her up too..
Lastly.. as we were talking on the phone about why I would be leaving, D5 yelled "Tell OM to go home.. I want both of you guys"
Didn't want that to happen, but it makes me feel better.
I said "The same way you can flirt with me and sleep with another man."
You are my hero. Gotta admit sounds like she is putting on the full court press to get you to slip up. You sound like you are able to defend yourself but changing in front of you when you know she is going back to sleep in same bed with OM is just cruel.
Honestly, I hope I get to the point where my W will change in front of me. Shoot, I hope I get to the point where we stay in the same place again.
mcol Me: 34 Deployed W:32 (EA started Oct 07) S:8 D:3 S:18 mos ILYBNILWY-12/14/07 Request for backdated separation 12/14/07 Top areas to work: 1) Communication 2) Repairing me, focusing on me
All I can say is will power.. you have lots of it. A lot of the men on here would kill to have their wives change in front of them.. but again like mc said, it was cruel and unusual punishment on his end.
she is really messed in the head, she doesn't know what she wants. stick to your plan.. glad to see your going out.. let us know how that goes!
tal
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
Thanks TAL.. I honestly believe she changed in front of me for me. In the past, she's done that behind closed doors. I take it as a positive. The underwear was for him though.. no question about that.
Went out last night.. I didn't lie.. I went to some clubs and there were girls there.
I'm not a club person.. much better at pubs/bars. It was actually a downer of a night.. pretty much everyone was coupled up or there were the girls who weren't interested in pick ups.
That combined with the knowledge of her sleeping with OM put me in a down mood towards the end of the night.
and you will... you've done great this far.. don't give up. I know you won't. She is need of some C.. really. I never was a club person either.. like pubs better... although I love to dance.. just don't like disco ... mostly alternative or rock... Rush is my favorite group...
You have a great day.. gotta make lunch for the boys
tal
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
You are doing great jar. Sometimes the 'bar' scene is pretty hard. I agree with the pub thing too.
W is so confused. How can she even be ready to talk about you guys when she has made no steps to fix what would be required (Umm, dump the boyfriend). These spouses make no sense.
Hmmm...the interaction at W's house w/OM is interesting. She called you and told you how she's feeling and asked you to do get the doll and blanket. Asked you to get food and you couldn't do that for her. Do you think she called OM and asked him to bring food? What's interesting to me is that he brought in food, yet you're the one she follwed out thanking and apologizing. Could it be that JH is slowly becoming a man that she doesn't take for granted and OM is filling those shoes? It sounds like she cast him aside and pursued you. I may be reading too much into it, but it caught my eye.