Ok, I will say that my marriage is rocky at best. I would like to lay out a scenario and you all tell me if it is wrong. We have always had everything in both of our names. Joint accounts, mortgage, car loans, etc. If I were to open a checking account in my name only just to have something in just my name and did not disclose it, do you think it would be wrong? Would keeping it a secret by having the statement mailed somewhere else be crossing the line? Not that I would put any real money in it, but just to have it in case I needed an account quickly. If my wife found out about it could she reasonably see this as sneaky and a betrayal and as a "one foot out the door" type of action?
Gone the carvings and those who left their mark. Gone the kings and queens, now only the rats hold sway.
Yes, yes, and yes - oh and YES, again. Bottom line -- keeping a secret from your W is not the right thing to do.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Lets see....Oh, I think I got one..."If I were to open a checking account in my name only just to have something in just my name and did not disclose it, do you think it would be wrong? Would keeping it a secret by having the statement mailed somewhere else be crossing the line? Not that I would put any real money in it, but just to have it in case I needed an account quickly. If my wife found out about it could she reasonably see this as sneaky and a betrayal and as a "one foot out the door" type of action?" - Balto
Do you suspect her of foul play regarding your joint finances? Do you think she would engage in foul play if D or S were brought up?
If so, then having your own money in an account that she is unaware of would be a way to prevent financial devastation. For example if you knew she had a lover and was making plans to siphon off your life savings and skip town to be with him, hiding some money from her could very well save your family until legal action could be taken.
If not, then keeping it secret is unnecessary. The only reason to keep it secret would be to "keep the peace" whilst planning a possible exit. We all know that keeping the peace while building resentment is a bad idea, regardless of the ethics behind it. Its bad for YOU.
IMHO
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
What would happen if you were *up front about it* though?
Are you thinking that you want a D, but don't want to do it until you have some $$ put aside that's strictly yours?
My H was a bit sneaky prior to the bomb and I was CLUELESS when he suggested that I start depositing my pay check into the account we have here locally which we had stopped doing. We had started direct depositing my check into our joint "main" account. However, of course, looking back, he was suggesting that "getting ready" for us to start splitting things up such as bills, etc. after the D, which at the time he suggested we start doing this again, was planning to do.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
If my wife found out about it could she reasonably see this as sneaky and a betrayal and as a "one foot out the door" type of action?
Balto, this is why my marriage went around in circles for so long: my H and I, with our ambivalence, each kept " one foot out the door" typr scenarios going. Either you're in it, or you're not. Do what it takes to make things better for yourself in the marriage. If you can't take it anymore, get out. I know you want to portect yourself, but this type of action only will serve to distance you more from her. My guess is that if the marriage ended, somehow you'll land on your feet.
What does the state of your marriage have to do with you opening your own checking account, if that is what you want to do? And keeping it secret? You sound like a little kid in rebellion mode, buddy. (Which... IMHO... is a big part of the problem.)
Balto. If you split up, don't most states require both spouses to openly state if and where any assets are located?
If that is the case, having your own stash won't be any advantage. It will be disclosed in the fessing up stage. Is fessing-up the same as discovery? I don't watch Perry Mason or Boston Legal, and I didn't stay at a Holiday Inn.
That is one side of me.
The other side of me has a cash stash. I always have.
In the past, I have bought cars to repair and drive, buy a new furnace, etc.. Recently, I used the money to loan to a friend in a do-or-die financial situation.
I am not hiding it from BB so much as not telling her I have it because if she knows what I have, she gets ideas about how to spend it.
It is also nice to have some extra cash when I invite a group of people out to eat on someone’s birthday. It is my pre-paid fun/emergency fund. I keep it in …………………. Must be a bad connection. The location didn’t show up on the screen.
Balto, maybe buying some 6 month CD in both of your names or in your name but with her as beneficiary, with out telling your W, might be something to do.
I also like Corri's drift. Do what you think a honest CEO would do. Lou
