I don't plan on calling him and I will only text him back if he has a valid question. I have plans for both tonight and tomorrow night. Sunday, we'll see. I fell good now, but my house is a trigger also. I usually feel like crap as soon as I get home. We'll see. I know, however, that even though I feel good now and I feel like I could care less if I talk to him this weekend, if he doesn't text or call me, it will hurt again. I just have to keep telling myself I can do it and that it is OK for me not to talk to him. It doesn't mean he doesn't care, right? I don't know how he is feeling. I can only assume and that is no good. "Go by what I KNOW, not what I FEEL".
M 5yrs 1st baby-girl born 6/18/08 Bomb: 10/13/07 OW - I was 6wks Prego H Moved in w/OW: 11/2/07 D Final 07/10 OW had his baby 3/17/09-so her Me, now - happier than I ever was with him
Keeping up on your sitch. Don't let him get to you, keep the PMA going, your baby needs it. I wish I could shake these guys, a pregnant W and no love, just know there are men out there that couldn't be prouder. My W is telling me that she is never having another child, and we are starting to work things out. That kills, after having one, I see what it is like to have a full home, and want the pidder padder of feet. Maybe we can get there some day, but life is so meaningless without those little ones.
Well, my plans for tonight fell through. Figures. I was fine until now. I haven't heard from him and I am starting to feel a little anxious. I'm starting to feel a little sad and not so strong. I am trying to shake it. I think I'll go decorate the Christmas tree. But, that makes me sad, also. I don't like the holidays this year, at all. I just feel blah, right now. I'll check back later. Wish me luck this weekend. PMA PMA PMA
M 5yrs 1st baby-girl born 6/18/08 Bomb: 10/13/07 OW - I was 6wks Prego H Moved in w/OW: 11/2/07 D Final 07/10 OW had his baby 3/17/09-so her Me, now - happier than I ever was with him
blindsided...your last 2 posts have sounded much better! I hear you about the holidays...but count your blessings. They are there if you look for them! You're doing great. J~
My blessings: I have the best of my H growing inside of me. I have a loving and wonderful family. I have great friends. I have loving in-laws. I have a warm home and food on the table. I have a huge support system. I have all of these wonderful things. But, I still miss my H. I want so bad to call him, so bad. But, I just keep trying to find something to do to keep me busy enough until it's too late to call, which is creeping up quickly. I think I will go read for a while in bed. God give me the strength not to call him. Tomorrow is another day.
M 5yrs 1st baby-girl born 6/18/08 Bomb: 10/13/07 OW - I was 6wks Prego H Moved in w/OW: 11/2/07 D Final 07/10 OW had his baby 3/17/09-so her Me, now - happier than I ever was with him
I'm glad the quote was such a hit. Someone posted it on my thread a while back and it really struck a chord with me as well. I have it posted all over the house.
blindsided, think of your constant thoughts and anxiety over your H as withdrawals to a drug. You are addicted. When you go dark, it is extremely hard. You want a "fix". However, as each day passes, it will get easier; you will get stronger. The drug will slowly leave your system.
This is the tricky part, at least for me. When contact does happen, try not to let it send you spinning.
You are sounding much better. I know it is hard.
What is it about your home that makes you feel crappy? I know that I felt like I had to escape all the memories. It helped to re-arrange things and get all of his stuff out. Then I put a few new things here and there to make it "my" space. Your home is your haven. Use some of your energy to focus on making it a place you feel safe in and can enjoy. If it is too quiet, play music or invite a friend over for dinner.
Wasn't it a beautiful day today, after the rain cleared? I love the weather like this. It is almost electric.
((HUGS))
Last edited by nephartiti; 12/08/0708:16 AM.
Me29 H33 D9 months S2 S9(previous R) Sep 8-19-07 I file 11-5-07 H home (Retro) 2-15-08 "Today is the tomorrow of yesterday." -- S9
I just want to send some strength, peace and (((((((HUGS)))))) your way. I wish I could offer you some great words of wisdom, but I haven't been doing everything by the book lately. I understand the home giving you anxiety. I couldn't stand being in mine right after the bomb dropped. It does get easier. Do put up the tree and act AS IF. I have been putting up decs as the days go by. Last Christmas I was miserable, and I have vowed that will not happen again. Remember next Christmas you will have your beautiful baby. Maybe this year you can start some traditions that you will do every year with your child.
I just want to send some strength, peace and (((((((HUGS)))))) your way. I wish I could offer you some great words of wisdom, but I haven't been doing everything by the book lately. I understand the home giving you anxiety. I couldn't stand being in mine right after the bomb dropped. It does get easier. Do put up the tree and act AS IF. I have been putting up decs as the days go by. Last Christmas I was miserable, and I have vowed that will not happen again. Remember next Christmas you will have your beautiful baby. Maybe this year you can start some traditions that you will do every year with your child.
