Waiting for WAW to come back, patience is a virtue

[ms ladybug]

Yep. I think Brad Pitt has his hands full now, and I DOUBT he's the alpha-male in that relationship!

But, it seems that your wife really needs to see those little gestures of yours more. Taking care of plane tickets, making phone calls for her etc. Even if she seems independant and able to take care of things herself, we all want to know that our man will be able to step-up and take care of us when we need it.

I think she'll like the new, assertive you. Esp. if it's a 180!

Have you read the 5 love languages? Is your wifes love language "acts of service"?

[DaveJ]

ladybug, you are right on. Her LL is acts of service, which apparently I failed to provide for the longest time. So this is definitely an 180, heck might even be a 540. :P She did mention she has noticed and really likes it. Probably not enough to stop the D but it's still positive no matter what. I just need to continue and be consistent and hope for the best.

[FLTC]

Dave,

The fact that she recognizes it is a HUGE step. Much of my problem is exactly what your is. The old take charge of things. When I did that, it was never quite right, or was just a little too, or not quite, or.......on and on. So go with the positive, at least she recognized it! Build on success.

[DaveJ]

Unfortunately just as I feared, the accidental blab of OM to the ILs came back to haunt me and may have put the final dagger in us. So now she thinks I've single handedly ruined her R with her parents, and I'm a chronic liar. Yes I did lie to her and said that I didn't say anything about OM to MIL when I did. In the 8 years we've been together, I've only lied twice to her including this time. And the first time was 7 years ago. How exactly does that make me a chronic liar is beyond me. I shouldn't have lied to her, and of course I shouldn't have said anything in the first place. I had no intention of turning her parents against her. I was upset and I ranted without thinking. MIL says W is totally overreacting to the fight with FIL yesterday. W says I have the answer to her decision. She will date when the opportunity arises. However, she promised we will discuss when she calms down and I told her not to make any rash decision until then. And just as I thought things were coming around a little.... I really do hope she calms down and rethink things through.....

On another note, MIL told me that W thought things were positive after Retro but then she saw some stuff she didn't like (of me?) and then pushed for D? WTF! In this state of us there are going to be positive and negative. Heck, even a normal R has that. I call that BS and still think it had something to do with that potential OM.

I swear I should get an Olympic medal for doing things that would shoot myself in the foot continuously.... Oh yeah, all the positives I've done since the beginning of the year are well down the toilet it seems....

[DaveJ]

I am so mad right now. She is a hypocrite! Calling me a liar when she lies straight to my face. She was suppose to come by today and say goodbye to my parents and pick up the kids. Can't get hold of her all morning. I went by the house and she's not even there. She finally calls back and says she slept too long and left the phone on the kitchen table. Complete BS! I don't think she even spent the night at home! I asked her if there is someone and she said maybe and won't say anymore... @#@##@@#$@#@#@#$@#$@$ She told me she will take some time and think about things and not do this. I am so upset! What is wrong with her! Just last night she said we'll talk after she calmed down and not do anything rash. I am at the same time feel it's sad but it may really be over.... It's so awful for the kids.... I never take her to be that kind of person and sneak around behind my back. We aren't even legally divorced yet.... I guess she's making me going down the path I don't want to. Eventually finding someone else.... I'm just in a world of hurt right now.....

[Sara]

Dave,

I'm sorry you are hurting. I'm sure you are corect, and she is lying. That is what they do. You ask what is wrong with her. I am atempted to answer the question, but none of the answers are nice. Let's just say she is too selfish and self-centered. She is a taker in life. There are other words for it but I am not a psychologist, so I can't diagnose people. I will say, that from everything you've said about her here, I think you got a bad first wife. I hope that you will begin to move on, and start looking for more compassionate companionship in the future.

[DaveJ]

Grrrr.....I guess it was all a misunderstanding. She went and had to console this guy that is a complete mess and drunk off his ass because his wife called and said things are over. I know enough of this guy that there isn't anything. He's drunk and he could've killed himself driving home. W was just being nice and making sure he isn't going to do that. I guess in my agitated state I fired all sorts of questions and she's just answering them without listening to what I was saying. I don't know.... I guess I will take what she says. There is no reason for her to keep lying really. If it's over there's no reason for her to hold onto me. Especially how angry she was with me. At least she's willing to forgive me about the lie now that she did the same. Otherwise she'd be a hypocrite right? Oh well....at least I'm calmed down.... I don't know what will happen but at least I'm not full of anxiety right now....

[Sara]

Good. Ignore everything I said.

[DaveJ]

So....the W proclaimed I'm an amazing dad multiple times last couple days, but that doesn't matter as she's adamant on dating others and not keeping her life on hold for us according to her. I guess another prime example of WAW could care less about the kids.... Why would you want to introduce some random guy into the kids' life that may or may not be good to them when supposedly you have an amazing dad for our kids right here in front of you that wants to work things out....