Try to ask a question in response or just rephrase what you've heard. It can feel awkward but the key is really taking a little time to think - advice I should take my own self.
My H did ask me a fair bit where I was with the whole thing and I held firm for a bit by wondering why it mattered to him, since he had made a decision to leave. Eventually I caved a bit by saying that I'd like him to stay here while he continues to work out whatever he's going through.
In my case, this has worked out sort of okay, as he seemed to really appreciate the reassurance. Still no commitment to stay, though, and this morning (after a couple of really nice days together), he kind of rubbed my shoulder when saying goodbye, rather than kissing me. I have told him that I am not initiating a lot of physical affection because I want to leave it in his court, not because I don't want to touch him. He tells me that for many years, he felt rejected and unattractive, so I'm walking a fine line between triggering bad feelings from the past and pushing things further than I should right now.
Asking questions isn't whining; neither is sharing your feelings about what's going on.
I only read your first post....and it reminded me of thought I have. My H has always used the internet for online dating to chat on when we are not getting along. And put he is divorced or single. And yeah men can do what they want. We cater to it without choice. Kids make it that much clearer. My husband is actually trying to get an annulment instead of a divorce so he can go to seminary and become a pastor. CRAZY. He wants to just erase his life and all the horrible things he has done and go somewhere with a new identity and a new start no strings attached. And men can do that. WE women are left to grow from the choices we make, we can not seem to just erase them. We are left to deal with the heartache, the broken pieces that we will inevetibaly carry with us to the next relationship, we are left to take care of the kids and be there for them no matter what.....we don't leave....we don't start over....we keep going.
DRAGON FLY, SORRY, BUT THIS AGONY GOES BOTH WAYS. REAL MEN DON'T DO IT.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
g24g, what about having the conversation on the phone? That way you could take notes without it being obvious.
Sitting in person taking notes could send the message that you are taking what he says seriously, though, which could be a good thing. How would you explain it to him?
would it be dumb to take notes as to what he's saying? I have a tendency when I get overwhelmed (especially in a sitch like this) I forget things.
I would not take notes, at least not in person. Maybe keep a notebook somewhere close by and write what you can remember when the conversation is over. That is how I try to do things. Then again I have a pretty good memory and don't forget much. I just make little bullet points in my head about things I want to remember.
M: 30 W: 29 D: 4 S: 2 M: 7 years Dropped bomb: 11/26/07 My sitch
GG - not sure i would take notes, but if you have a small tape recorder you can put in your purse (i have one for conferences cause i'm the same way, get overwhelmed with lots of info sometimes) maybe you could take notes later. If you are comfortable taking note, go ahead. this is a big step, no reason you shouldn't know exactly what's going on. Good for you thinking ahead like that!!
dragon fly - Those comments are not constructive or beneficial to anyone. you should read more on this board. You'll see lots and lots of men here fighting for their R after their W left. They've got the kids and work and are still trying to work on their M. There are plenty of a$$hole guys out there, but there are just as many women doing the same dispicable things. I would definately recommend reading through this BB and seeing the amazing number of men here working hard....
If i can't fall in love... I'd like to fall in chocolate! ~ Author Unknown
