The movie quote that got to me.

[Ophelia]

I was watching the movie "Shall We Dance?" (Richard Gere/Susan Sarrandon/Jennifer Lopez) a week or so ago. It's about a guy who has a bit of a mini-MLC and starts taking dance lessons but doesn't tell anyone, including his W.

When his mood changes and he starts coming home even later from work, his W hires a PI because she's convinced he's having an A. The PI discovers that, much to the W's relief, he's just taking dance lessons. She then has a meeting with the PI where she tells him she won't need his services anymore. During that scene, she asks him why he thinks people get married. Her own response to her question is:

We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet... I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things... all of it, all of the time, every day. You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness'.

And it hit me like a bolt outta the blue that that's exactly why I've felt like my life is so damn pointless ever since H walked out. Even little things, (actually, particularly little things) like not having someone to laugh at a TV show with, or not having someone to say, "that musta hurt" when you stub your toe. It kinda makes you feel like there's no point for any of it to happen at all when there's no one there to bear witness to it and share it with you.

[mwel]

I was watching the movie "Shall We Dance?" (Richard Gere/Susan Sarrandon/Jennifer Lopez) a week or so ago. It's about a guy who has a bit of a mini-MLC and starts taking dance lessons but doesn't tell anyone, including his W.

When his mood changes and he starts coming home even later from work, his W hires a PI because she's convinced he's having an A. The PI discovers that, much to the W's relief, he's just taking dance lessons. She then has a meeting with the PI where she tells him she won't need his services anymore. During that scene, she asks him why he thinks people get married. Her own response to her question is:

We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet... I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things... all of it, all of the time, every day. You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness'.

This is one of my W favorite movies, I couldnt tell ya how many times I have seen it.

And it hit me like a bolt outta the blue that that's exactly why I've felt like my life is so damn pointless ever since H walked out. Even little things, (actually, particularly little things) like not having someone to laugh at a TV show with, or not having someone to say, "that musta hurt" when you stub your toe.

I feel the same way, my life is pointless with out my
W. I think that everyone misses the little things. I know I do. I also miss the things that she did that bugged, like leaving the dishes out or not cleaning up after herself. I would always get on her about that and now that she isnt there I feel the emptiness. I can no longer ask her to put the dishes in the sink and I will clean them or please wipe the crumbs off the table because it's just me now. No more laughter, no more smiles, no more rubbing her feet, legs or back. No one to ask if you're okay or how was your day.

It kinda makes you feel like there's no point for any of it to happen at all when there's no one there to bear witness to it and share it with you.

I agree with you, I feel like this also.

[AmyC]

I've gotta rent that movie...

[ms ladybug]

You know I thought about this the other day.
I had a HUGE cockroach problem at work. I mean this cockroach that I caught under a cup on my desk had 30 babies while under that cup. Luckily, the pest control man came and saved me.
And, as funny, and utterly disgusting as it was...I had no one to share that with. I couldn't call h and tell him what just happened. And, I thought to myself...I don't have anyone to share this with. It wasn't a big deal. It was just a little funny peice of my day, that doesn't matter...but I couldn't share it with anyong either. I felt very lonely just then.

So, now I've shared with you guys...

[catfan]

I know what you mean ms ladybug. Its the little, meaningless things that happen in a day that are shared that seem important. Important only because they are shared, someone is sharing their life with you.

My wife still doesn't get this and we've both read 5 love languages and discussed ours. I have two primary ones, physical touch and quality time/conversation. So for me its her sharing some details with me. I really am not interested in the specific detail just that she shares SOMETHING with me. But she thinks that I am controlling because I have to know details. I don't care about the specifics, just share a part of her with me. And yes I do want and do share with her.

[Ophelia]

I also miss the things that she did that bugged,

I miss seeing his dirty underwear lying on the bedroom floor. He'd never bother to actually put it in the clothes basket. I used to hate seeing it and having to pick it up, but now I actually miss it! How twisted is that?!

I've gotta rent that movie...

It's not an Oscar winner or anything, but I found it refreshing because it was about a middle aged guy who felt there was something missing in his life, and instead of screwing around, he just took dance lessons instead, and despite the fact one of his dance teachers was the rather enticing J-Lo, he still remained faithful to his W, and the whole thing had a happy ending.

You know I thought about this the other day.
I had a HUGE cockroach problem at work. I mean this cockroach that I caught under a cup on my desk had 30 babies while under that cup. Luckily, the pest control man came and saved me.
And, as funny, and utterly disgusting as it was...I had no one to share that with. I couldn't call h and tell him what just happened. And, I thought to myself...I don't have anyone to share this with. It wasn't a big deal. It was just a little funny peice of my day, that doesn't matter...but I couldn't share it with anyong either. I felt very lonely just then.

So, now I've shared with you guys...

Eeeewwww! That is so gross! I don't usually get cockroaches in the house, but tonight there was a big one in the kitchen, so I sprayed it and stuck a cup over it so it couldn't run away, and now after reading your little story, I'm too scared to go and lift that cup up again!

Something else I miss....I was hanging Christmas decorations the other day. First of all, when I was standing on a chair, then getting up onto a table to reach high enough, I thought, "Too bad if I fall and there's no one here to catch me. I could break my neck!" Then I thought, "I could really do with someone else being here who could tell me if I'm hanging this straight so I won't have to get up and down three times before I get it right." And now that all the decorations are hung up all over the house, I think, "So what, it's not like there's anyone here to see it all except me and the cat."

Mind you, if all goes according to plan, H will see it because he might actually be coming over next Monday, which will be the first time I've actually seen him since last Christmas Eve, (blurb about it in my thread, just click the link in my sig if you're interested).

[cat03]

ok, talking about a great line from a movie, I was watching Evan Almighty (I got kids, lol, that's my excuse) and there is this part when the wife is totally upset at the guy's new outrageous plans and leaves him. Then, Morgan Freeman (as God) tells her at some poing "When you pray for patience, God doesn't just send patience your way, it gives you the oportunity to be patient, same thing if you pray for warm fuzzy feelings, he doesn't just make you feel that way, he give you the opportunity to feel in such way." I love that part.

[JT71]

When my ex started touring we made an agreement to talk everyday and to share our day to day activities. Being on a tour bus for several weeks is like going to camp in the respect that you pick up new mannerisms, tastes, and even politics. You bond with your coworkers deeper than most people because you are working, eating, breathing with them 24/7.

I didn't want him to come home a stranger. At first it worked well but as he toured more he didn't want to talk about work. He didn't want to share and when I shared what I was doing, he called it small town and mundane. I got to the point where I was trying to think of clever and interesting things to say to hold my own husband's interest.

He stopped wanting to be my witness and figured that the rest of the crew was witness enough for him. They validated him. Of course, this started about the time of the affair. He grew more and more distant with me.

I miss having someone around. I talk to the dog and yet things really haven't changed much since H became X except for the lack of daily phone calls. It is unnerving to think if I fell changing a light bulb, it would take some time before anyone figured it out.

I think that quote is right on. It really knocks the wind out of you when your spouse leaves because there is no one to empathize and laugh with you. That sucks.
Of course, in my case and many others, my x checked out months before he told me, because he toured though, it was hard figure out. Heck, he even took a vacation with his gf and I had no idea. Thought he was out with a band. Good times.