Money! It is extremele tight due to the fact that we have a lot of debt and are maintaiing two households currentyl due to work obligations and our house not selling. W took $ out of her retirement to pay off credit cards -- but only used 1/2 of it. The other half she is not so clear on. I am willing to do the same to pay off my cc, but she was assuming I was going to pay off her remaining balance... riiight.
I told her that we have a lot to consider about debt and cash needs no matter what happens, and that maybe we could talk about it this weekend in person.
I so want to go off on her about this and say if I new things were going to work out that would be one thing, but in this trial separation period it's awkward at best...
what i have learned and am learning is to watch out for ourselves. i dont know ur stitch but can tell u that my h has not fufilled his obligation since June - in the beginning he was "all good..." since then it has been waht he could wehn he wanted...in the mean time he is BLOWIGN money left and right.
I suggest jeez' I dont know. I just know do what you have to do to watch out for you financially - that has been the advice to me all along. IN REGARDS to you talking to w about R - you DONT ...you live forward as if it is limbo - and I understand ur feelings...
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
Thanks. My W has been going through $ on clothes, nites out, etc., since the summer began.
When she brought up the finances the other night she said she noticed I had a lot of new clothes and wondered how I was paying for them :-) She did say that she was no better than me... I so wanted to explode but did not react at all to her comment about me. Seems it's ok for her spend $ we don't really have but when I start GAL and doing some things for me, well... :-)
You are right. I will just focus on how do we maintain in limbo. The last time we had an R talk (weeks and weeks ago) she said she was 98 percent sure we were over. I told her OK, that for me I would rather be in limbo with the 2 % rather than push her to make a decision.
Hi doa- That's a tough one without knowing all of your financial details. This may be a really stupid question because trying to get an MLCer think rationally doesn't really work but I will say it anyway...Have you talked with your W about some kind of budget just to get you through for now? How about contacting your credit card companies and seeing if they will lower your credit limits...or is that trying to shut the barn door after the horse is already out?
Your W noticed that you had new clothes...Could that be a good thing that she is noticing what you are doing?...In the grand scheme of things, I guess it doesn't really matter...just keep going and GAL.
We live apart. I moved out of state for a new job, and the original plan was (is?) that once our house sold everyone would move to the new location. Not so sure now, even though the kids believe that is the plan and are excited.
We had a budget based on my pay, but since I am not paid montly there are some months where I make more than others. And those months have not occurred yet. We did not realize that when the job began. Yes -- too late for that!
Yes -- I considered the noticing of the new clothes as a good thing. She never said anything before, and now it seemed to me in this context that it must have been on her mind for awhile.
Yes, sorry. She does not work and had her L draw up a trial sep agreement (which we did not file with the court and which my L reviewed)outlining the budget and how much was to be sent home. I have set up my own acct.
We did not know about the months being differnet then, and I will say that we have worked together on the best way to make ends meet. The budget has a item for groceries and other expenses, and that is where the problem is I think.
When we did that I was whatever you want, just tell me. But I have graduated from that place a bit now. Which makes the discussion of debt paying delicate right now. I do not want to look weak, and I know that if I say I wil pay off all of your debts it woould not make her come running back to me. At the same time I do not want to play too rough.
When you have a problem, you define it, show the impact, come up with alternative for its resolution, then select an alternative. That is it.
As for keeping your R and long-term plans out if it, follow the above problem resolution. And if the long-term is part of the impact you have to include it.
You do have to protect yourself and your children financially.
