she just told me that she is with someone elseHELP

[NoCodeBlues]

Mwel,

You don't need to get involved with anyone else right now. Now is the time to focus on you, to learn who you are again and how strong and content you really can be as an individual again. Getting involved with someone else before we've taken adequate time to heal and to grow is the mistake our spouses have made, and they are going to some day be in for more hurt and misery as a result of their foolishness -- we don't need to repeat their mistakes.

And if your spouse can't see how you've grown into the supremely desirable person you can be, then that will be her loss. If in time you do meet someone else, and you have had that time to learn to find peace and confidence in who you are, then you will have so much to offer that person -- and they will see that.

[mwel]

Mwel,
You don't need to get involved with anyone else right now. Now is the time to focus on you, to learn who you are again and how strong and content you really can be as an individual again. Getting involved with someone else before we've taken adequate time to heal and to grow is the mistake our spouses have made, and they are going to some day be in for more hurt and misery as a result of their foolishness -- we don't need to repeat their mistakes.

I meant date as in just going out as friends, with a friend, just have some fun…that kinda thing. I do not want to get involved with someone right now because you’re right, I need some time to focus on me. I’m just lonely... I really do want to take some time to focus on me and rediscover who I am and who I really want to be.

And if your spouse can't see how you've grown into the supremely desirable person you can be, then that will be her loss.

No she hasn’t, but then again she has to be home to see that. I agree, it is her loss and she is really going to miss out on a great and loving guy and what a great life she could of had.

If in time you do meet someone else, and you have had that time to learn to find peace and confidence in who you are, then you will have so much to offer that person -- and they will see that.

This is why I want to take some time to figure out who I am and want I can be. When I do then if I meet someone then they will benefit from being with me…

[Michael Mc C]

She has been the only person in my life that believed in me and believed that I can do anything I put my mind to. She believed in me when no one else did. She was my rock, my support and the love of my life.

And since that time have you proven to others, better yet yourself, that you CAN do whatever you put your mind to?

[mwel]

She has been the only person in my life that believed in me and believed that I can do anything I put my mind to. She believed in me when no one else did. She was my rock, my support and the love of my life.

And since that time have you proven to others, better yet yourself, that you CAN do whatever you put your mind to?

I have some what. My family was never very supportive and everytime I felt like giving up she was there to give me the support I needed. I have always has doubts about myself and my abilities but she never did, she always knew that I could do anything. I know that this is one area that I must work on to improve my confidence in myself. I just know its going to be hard with out her telling me that I can and will..and telling me to keep going.

[Michael Mc C]

I know that this is one area that I must work on to improve my confidence in myself. I just know its going to be hard with out her telling me that I can and will..and telling me to keep going.

My suggestion for this, and I'm no expert, is to find a mentor - whether its related to school or to your career. Find someone whose opinion you trust, not someone that will tell you what you want to hear.

Don't use this person as a crutch but as someone you can learn from. Learn how to encourage yourself. Learn how to recognize your successes. Learn where you could be doing better and focus on making those improvements. You don't need someone to lead you by the hand but someone that can start by pointing you in the right direction, thereby teaching you how to find that direction yourself.

You do NOT want to replace your need for your wife's validation with that of another. You NEED to learn to validate yourself and your actions on your own.

Find a mentor and learn, do not find someone to stroke you.

[mwel]

My suggestion for this, and I'm no expert, is to find a mentor - whether its related to school or to your career. Find someone whose opinion you trust, not someone that will tell you what you want to hear.

Don't use this person as a crutch but as someone you can learn from. Learn how to encourage yourself. Learn how to recognize your successes. Learn where you could be doing better and focus on making those improvements. You don't need someone to lead you by the hand but someone that can start by pointing you in the right direction, thereby teaching you how to find that direction yourself.

You do NOT want to replace your need for your wife's validation with that of another. You NEED to learn to validate yourself and your actions on your own.

Find a mentor and learn, do not find someone to stroke you.

Well I really trust and honor the opinion of my in-law, especially my mother in-law. They both are very intelligent, caring and successful individuals. They have taught me so much from the time that I have known them. Other than them I really do not have anyone to look up to. I mean my family has never backed me up and most of my friends all just want to drink and party and don’t prepare for the future. I’m 24 and I act like I’m 34. Maybe that is my problem, maybe I need to act like a 24 year old would. I never was surrounded by people would I could really talk to or people who would push me to be better. That is just the way my life has been…until I meet my W. She would always tell me what I needed to hear but also try to point me in the right direction. Maybe I could find someone else to be my mentor, but I do not know who that would be..

[Michael Mc C]

Well I really trust and honor the opinion of my in-law, especially my mother in-law. They both are very intelligent, caring and successful individuals. They have taught me so much from the time that I have known them.

If you are close enough to them, why not? You trust them, you've known them for quite some time I imagine and they are both successful. Maybe it would be awkward due to your situation but if nothing else you can tell them what you're attempting to do and they may be able to provide some guidance.

Just remember what it is you're trying to do. Are you trying to get their daughter to change her mind or are you working to make MWEL a more confident and self-sufficient individual? The first option may be the desire but it is the second that is an absolute necessity.

The first cannot happen without the second IMO. It may still never happen regardless of how successful you are with your efforts. In order for any relationship (this one or a new one) to be prosperous, you have to do what is needed.

[mwel]

If you are close enough to them, why not? You trust them, you've known them for quite some time I imagine and they are both successful. Maybe it would be awkward due to your situation but if nothing else you can tell them what you're attempting to do and they may be able to provide some guidance.

I am some what close with them. I have gone to them for advice in the past and they didn’t seem to mind. They have always told me that if I need anything just ask or let them know. Father in-law and I work for the same company in the same division just different regions so we talk at work occasionally. I do not think it would be awkward unless you make it that way. I would just tell them what I am attempting to do and I know that they would help or give me advice.

Just remember what it is you're trying to do. Are you trying to get their daughter to change her mind or are you working to make MWEL a more confident and self-sufficient individual? The first option may be the desire but it is the second that is an absolute necessity.

The first cannot happen without the second IMO. It may still never happen regardless of how successful you are with your efforts. In order for any relationship (this one or a new one) to be prosperous, you have to do what is needed.

I am trying to become a more confident, self-sufficient individual overall a better person. But if they see changes in me and tell their daughter and she changes her mind I wouldn’t mind that either…in fact I would love if she would change her mind. If that happens great but I need to get to a place where I can and will be okay if it doesn’t happen. I agree that is the desire and what I want to do is necessary. I need to work on me, for myself, my friends, my family and for my future relationships that I may have.

[mwel]

comments ^^??

[Michael Mc C]

Have you spoken to your in-laws? Of course this is only one of the things you can, or should, do. Remember that this could be a long process - getting yourself together and detaching from your wife. There will be days at a time when you don't know if you're going about it the right way and wishing to get some feedback. It could easily become a sit and wait approach but you do NOT want to sit and wait. Get yourself moving forward and continue with it. If you backslide, get back up that hill.

I'm not the greatest at giving motivation or inspiration but I know that you need to move forward with everything in your life. There is no human in the world, with the exception of one in the womb I guess, that is completely dependent upon any other human.

You've made progress since coming to this site and we're all pulling for you - you just need to keep focused.