Just in case... when someone says to me, on THIS Board (one aimed specifically at people trying to save their marriage)... 'change horses,' to me it means change tactics. Not partners.
I did get the word last night that she was feeling pressured. But thinking about it whether or not I pressure I think she might feel pressured.
Well, of course she is feeling pressured... because she knows she has to step up to the plate. An air of expectation is probably hanging out there... but gosh, you ARE a man, you ARE married... sex IS part of that...
Maybe you can have a non-bedroom, non-confrontational talk... short one... that tells her that you do see sharing a vibrant sex life with her as a vital part of the marriage equation, and you are NOT giving up that particular want/need. Tell her the last thing you want to do is have sex with a non-willing wife... so no worries there. (Can you say it in a way... that conveys the attitude... "and quite honestly, I don't even know that you have it in you, frankly..." without it sounding/coming off as degrading or judgmental?)
When a guy looks me in the eye and honestly says... "Uhhhhmmmm... geesh, Corri, I just don't think you can do it... come on, now, don't hurt yourself... let's forget it..."
Can you get a mental pix of what that immediately does to my determination?
Btw, I'm glad I'm not your high school sweety that was so traumatic... LOL. I guess I gotta work on my persona, or get monster laid or something... I am coming off sooooo... cold, or something.
Guess I'm a lioness... may as well own it. sigh Nothing wrong with that... but... significantly shortens the 'friends who feel safe with me' list.
Just in case... when someone says to me, on THIS Board (one aimed specifically at people trying to save their marriage)... 'change horses,' to me it means change tactics. Not partners.
um...yeah. I think thats what it means, in most cases. although, I suppose it could be used to mean "partners".
anyway, its just a saying. and a nerdy musical reference. a complete "aside". nothing to do w/ this thread. move along now...nothing to see here.
{and yet...no one has answered the challenge, yet.}
You know... gosh, without googling... I can't get this one... though... I AM getting a niggling in the back of my brain... can you give me another line?
BTW when I gave you a hard time about IMHO it really was tongue in cheek. I enjoy your posts a lot.
I married my wife for her strong side. She had a dark sense of humor and was really strong willed (read stubborn). Now that I know myself better I understand why it was such a turn on. Mean and bitchy oh yeah I like that!!! (that was poking fun at me not you)
Yes my first girlfriend was named Corri. I must have been in 6th grade or so. I was quite the gentleman (Nice guy, yep I've read it). She had two mothers and the insisted she dump me cause I didn't initiate a full on grope fest. Yeah I wish I had now.
So anyway, yes I get your advice and if I can get it right yes I think it'll work. It cracks me up though. My grandmaster used to give the same advice about picking up women. He was a bit crude but one tactic he used was to say "Oh forget it, I bet you can't give a good BJ anyway". These stories were hilarious. Reminded me of that.
Things are good. Life is moving fast right now. Things I predicted 5 years ago are happening. This is good.
I think I had the impression that once the relationship was in good shape the sex should just fall into place.
I told ya! That is how men think! But everything isn't back to normal yet. More patient is needed. Maybe she needs extra IC. The least bit of pressure and you are setting yourself up for trouble.
Please try not to show disappointment in her or disgust at the slow progress. Remember, I told you that our first step is that we have to reach a point that we are willing "to be willing" to stay in the M. Then, we reach the point where we are willing to work at the M. So, it is baby-steps.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
