Women: Post D - What kind of men are you meeting?

[DadNotQuitting]

OK, this is primarily a topic for women in the 38 - 48 age range, but anyone is free to chime in.

Here's what I want to know. For those of you women that are divorced, or separated and are out on the dating scene, I've been wondering something. What kind of men are out there? What guy is 40-plus and looking to get together (date, relationship, etc..) with a woman who is coming out of a fairly recent divorce, or is separated? PLEASE, do not take any offense, because that is not what this is about.

Now, for those of you that have been following my crazy-ass saga in the MLC forum, you more or less know my story, so maybe you know why I'm asking this. For the rest, what I'm trying to figure out is what kind of prospects my wife might be seeing. She is 40, deep-deep MLC, we are separated, she has filed for D, did the restraining order thing against me, had an affair or two, and is simply an emotional wreck. BTW, I'd be her third divorce. She has a ten-year old from M#2, and we have D8 and S6 together. She does have one thing going for her though - she looks like she's about twenty-seven, has a sexy accent, is fun to be around, extraordinarily good looking, perfect body with the fake boobs and all that. She can certainly attract plenty of attention.

Given that, she will meet her fair share of men. She's on myspace and sometimes on match.com. But what kind of guy is going to want a three-times divorced, mother of three young children, with enough emotional baggage to fill up your garage?

This is not an ego thing for me, but...... I'm also forty, considered decent enough looking, in good shape, dress well, am a business professional that has made a very good living. Let me just say this, once I'm back out in the market again (those that know my sitch, put away the 2x4's!) and met someone like my wife, I'd be instantly attracted to her, and certainly want to get horizontal. However, it wouldn't take too long to have her hysterical BS show through, and that would be a major turn off to me right now. Then, I'd consider the 3 D's, 3 kids, 3 personalities and once the two or three weeks of fun is over, I'd find the exit.

Again, this is not meant to be a harsh insight into the life of a post-40 MLCer. I genuinely want to know what women, normal women, find on the dating scene. Aren't all the good men snatched up pretty quickly?

OK, hit me with it......

[Just_Me]

Might want to post this question on surviving the big D. That's where the dating women are at.

I think there are probably some decent guys out there, just like there are some decent women. The thing is, many of them are post-D and would love to have the attention of an attractive woman. He probably wouldn't even see the warning signs for quite a while. Your wife might be pretty adept at hiding her baggage, at least until the relationship gets more comfortable. With her self-esteem issues, she's probably pretty fair game for anyone that can treat her well.

[myturnnow]

Hey DNQ-

I am from MLC forum, too, but I carry no 2 X 4's. I have read a little about your sitch but don't know alot.

Okay..I think I fit your category so I am going to let you know what I look for.

I was 36 when my then 39 year old XH went nuts three years ago. Left with his secretary..like a bad Lifetime movie. Fast foward to 2007 and he is a mess, would love to forget any of it ever happened and just go from there. Well, there was too much damage done. (we also had restraining orders as he was verbally nuts)

Okay, we divorced last August. I am now 39, finished my Master's of Teaching and now am a college professor at a local community college. Funny, channelling all my energy elsewhere really paid off..So, I ended up meeting my guy because he was originally from my hometown and I knew him from high school. Conveniently, he owns a landscaping business and was doing my neighbors lawn. When I asked for a quote since I was busy with school, we ended up clicking right away. It pretty much took a year to fully develop into an R.

What was I looking for? Well, I wasn't looking so that's the funny part. Are all the normal ones taken, no, they aren't because all of us on these forums married the MLC nuts..lol so, logically speaking, sane ones were the only ones single..:)

Back in the day, I was attracted towards the football hero image..looks..didn't matter about his family background or his history with the chicks. Now, I find that very important. I find that humor is a biggie if the guy gets the joke. Also, independent and can spend a night alone without panicking is key as well. The way he treats my kids is HUGE and my new guy is wondeful as he has a D, too..

loyalty, respect, humor, ambition, independence, athletic (I like when a man takes care of himself..shows self-respect) but no vanity..AS for looks, I am less impressed by pretty boys as I was married to one..Now, I think the guy could be totally average looking but as you get to know him, drop dead handsome as the R strengthens..

Don't know much about your W other than the few posts I have read..All I know is that once you aren't afraid to be alone, make peace with the life God has given you and forgive the X-spouse, it all will fall into place.

I did stand for a while but XH was a total ass. He did more than the typical MLCer as he is simply mental so enough was enough. Funny, he thought that was a turn-on when I was done with his crap. Typical..

Okay, DNQ..you sound like an okay guy for coming to the boards to find out info..and you sound like a great dad.

Didn't feel the need to let the public know my "stats" as to how I rank attracting men..but I have had my share of dates post break up and there are good ones out there. I just didn't want to date anyone other than me for a long time. I forgot who I was being married to a man who was a mess..plain and simple.

As for your wife, I think it depends on what the guy is looking for. If he is looking for arm candy or a life long partner. I think you attract the energy you give off. If your wife is nuts, she will attract a nut. I know that may sound harsh but I believe in that whole positive negative energy thing. Even if two negatives don't attract scientifically, in real-life they do. If your wife is unstable, a guy will sniff out an unstable girl to control and manipulate. You see what I mean.

Be patient, DNQ. If she was "normal" pre-MLC she will most likely come out of it. It depends on how long you are willing to wait.

Have a good night and enjoy those kids of yours.

[alamogirl]

Well DNQ, I don't fit your category since I'm 50, not looking; however, I look around 40...damn good genes.

I have a friend who is 45 and who is a recent college graduate. She has 2 kids, boy and girl.

She was widowed around 7 years ago, then was in a 4 year live-in relationship with some nut.

She attracts men like flies from all races. She's having the time of her life. She meets men in their 20's who have no problem with her age or kids. My friend is confident, knows what she wants, and isn't afraid to tell them. This seems to turn the men on. She's registered with match.com and is thinking about e-harmony.com.

Your ex isn't going to have a problem meeting men. There is always going to be some Joe Blow who is going to fall into her trap and marry her, and she'll probably end up leaving them. The only way to fix her relationships, she has to start with herself. If she's not seeing herself as the problem, then her vicious cycle will continue.

In the meantime, don't worry about what kind of man she's going to meet. It's just going to drive you nuts to find out that she met some young drop-dead gorgeous hunk because she probably will. Concentrate on yourself, your worth, your qualities, your kids, and your strengths.

Good luck to you.
alamogirl