Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
I want to give you all an update from Mr. Toad's Wild Ride.
The last 2 weeks were head spinning;
-H acts as if he is no longer seeing OW that he's been practically engaged to for the past year.
I find out that he's having her meet him at a resort where he's competing & ask him if it's true.
He tells me he will break up b/f the trip & wants to R when I draw the line in the sand.
He tells me he "did it" & leaves on the trip. I find out she's there & call him when I know they're in the car for 4 hours & he will have to call me back. For the 1st time, I call her # & leave a short message "I understand you're w/ my H right now, just a suggestion, have him tell you the truth since he's a bit truth challenged."
-Comes right over & tells me he had intended to break it off, but after the trip, can we get back together?
Oops, still doesn't end it & cont their R.
-I let him know that after a year of this (actually more, starting on Easter Sunday year b/f last when he got angry for a made up reason & spent the night w/OW that I didn't know existed), I was ready to move on.
-Finally calls & tells me he "told her" after missing the memorial service I had for my father & spending the night w/her last Saturday.
Here's where it all changed for me;
After spending all day Sunday together & coming back to the house for a kid free evening together, he turns cold & tells me @ almost midnight that he made a mistake. He really loves her & is going to leave, "sorry, I just like being with her more & don't feel comfortable w/you."
I ask him to please spend the night, not to leave me alone like that. I didn't care if it degraded me, I just wanted to get thru the night. He did, then woke up in the morning to tell me he would give it until the end of the day to decide.
I can't even say how I felt, as CVA said later (after he said "if Nomo & I weren't in Texas, we come kick his b*** there right now), he might as well have been hitting me, it had the same effect.
So, I turned a corner & distanced myself. Not angry, just business like, exchanging info re;kids, etc. He's also not free to come in the house & "hang" w/ the kids, he can take them out or to his house.
Shoe is now on the other foot, so to speak. So far he's begged, pleaded & literally gotten on his knee's to have me take him back. Many attempts @ telling me he's going to move forward on renting a place, keep S5 for overnights 50% (etc.)now, if I won't give us another chance. I asked him to stop w/the threats, it's not casting him in a good light & certainly not someone that I would ever consider R'ing with.
-He tells me he's just doing all this b/c he's scared to death.
Amazing, I have a year of this with him telling me he wants a D, has a GF that he spends most of his time with & he's falling apart after 3 days!!
I think he needs to be in this place long enough to really "get it."
Real quick, I agree that he needs to stay in this place a little longer to "get it." You've endured way more than you should've, and if he's going to change his ways and really be commmitted to you and your M, then he's going to need to stew a bit in his own cauldron. He needs to know both how it feels to be lost w/ no control, as well as that he really DOES want to commit to the M.
I'm really sorry that you've had to deal with his poor choices and behavior, both of late and throughout your sitch.
Stay strong -- I think you're doing the right thing!
Sunny, At least he recognizes that he is scared. What he doesn't know is WHY he is scared. If he is the reading type, my advice is to hand him a copy of "Awakening at Mid-life" by Kathleen Brehony and tell him to call you when he has figured it all out!
I do empathize, my W finally admitted a few months ago "I don't know who I am." A starting point I suppose, but as you pointed out, this is not an attractive phase of MLC, if there is one!
Take care of yourself. SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
