W still angry with me, but the intensity lessens

[Lanzo]

I'm throwing this question out into the open to anyone who wants to answer, it's a bit like the holiday card question.


At the moment W and I are in the same house but separate rooms. Slowly things get better. By process of elimination I have worked out that W,D6 and myself will share a bed on Christmas night. (MIL,FIL, take one bed, My Ma takes the little bed). W hasn't said anything but by her arrangement I can see this happening.

Question(s)
Do I ask W is this for xmas only or do I just stay in the room after xmas(I'm 99% sure if I ask she will just say it up to you).

I don't want to seem pushy or start a pursuit, but I get this feeling that W want me to take a lead in things. At this moment I know she won't want to be seen to be asking me.

Should I just wait and see, or do I ask questions.

[Lanzo]

Still could use a response to the above post before the 24th Dec.

Anyway, today W was very chatty, She told me about her lunch date with a co worker who is the directors daughter where they exchanged office gossip. At lunch the co worker revealed that the reason why W manager was let go in October was because she was dating a fellow colleague (nothing wrong there) but there were rumours they were having sex during working hours, Wow. I know W relied heavily on her manager who was also in the process of leaving her husband, so she received a lot of sympathy and WAW support there.


The co worker also revealed that she was dating another co worker even though she already had a boyfriend, but they were not having sex during work hours. Finally she told W that her father the director thinks the world of W.

I listened to W and thought to myself, why the hell tell me all of this ?

[ann25]

How long is the family staying over?

if you just see it giong this way and haven't actually firmed it up, you might ask W what the sleeping arrangements are going to be. She might have an actual answer for you that would help. Other than that, i say play it by ear. See how that night goes.

[GFI]

Wellll, I think I'm likely to face a similar situation to you bed wise over Christmas. FWIW, I'm fully expecting to return to the spare bed. I wouldn't like to make an assumption or take advantage of a situation bourne out of necessity. My W and I are way from making this sort of move and so my expectations in this department are way down low. I guess your tack should be informed by looking at the tenor of your overall situation at the moment.

Best GFI

[Lanzo]

Hi Ann25,GFI

Thanks for those responses.

I actually took the direct approach and asked W what the sleeping arrangements were for xmas, her reply was "I haven't a clue" this is her typical reply to a question she doesn't want to answer. (others are I don't know, or it's up to you).

After a quick rethink she said her parents were staying over. Yes I know that, so is my mom. Then she said my mom will have D6 bedroom, (instead of MIL & FIL) and FIL sleeps downstairs. So if my maths are correct that leaves me still in the small room and W, MIL, D6 in the main bedroom. Not the best solution and I think W just thought it out on the spot.

I told W , I'll sleep downstairs and she can arrange everyone else more evenly upstairs, but she just ignored me and didn't respond.

So anyway I know what's happening now.

[Lkyguy]

My WAW & I sleep in the same bed sometimes...when she isnt on the couch or doesnt come home at all like last night..but she changes in the bathroom & there is NO contact...
it sounds like sleeping in the same bed wont mark great progress for you like it doesnt for me.

Its still a comfort to know she is there even if she is "so far away"...

[fb2]

Lan, After W filed for divorce she tried to get me to leave the house by repeatedly hinting I go sleep in a neighbor's house, in the church rectory, share a room with her friend's brother, etc. I mulled over this for a few days and decided to stay put. I slept on the same side of our king bed as I'd always ... after a few weeks she started sleeping in the kids' room and then she was ordered out of the house by the court in June ... that upset her apple cart. When the court asked her about custody she insisted on 100% - when they asked me I said kids deserve both a mother and a father preferrably happy together - so they said 50-50 custody.

[Lanzo]

Hey all, Christmas sleeping arrangements are off my agenda now. I was somehow hoping this would mark a significant step in my progress but alas I was raising my expectations too high, but overall things continue to move along slowly.

Money can't buy me love, but it can pay for a nice day shopping with WAW and D6. It's the first time since D6 born that I've had spare cash this time of year to really push the boat out (god bless my bank manager) . I was also giving W a taste of what she would be missing if we D. She really, really had a good day and I overheard her say to D6, Behave, don't you dare spoil this family day out.

Tonight I'm out on the town with friends, W didn't seem too pleased when I told her I was going out. But anyway it's my time now. GAL rules !!!!!

[Lanzo]

Dear All,

On my last shopping trip with W and D6 I experienced a kind of awakening. For the past 6 years or so whenever I passed a mirror or saw my image on a security camera screen I would avoid looking at myself because I didn't like what I saw. If you add to this that my W was always calling me fat, ugly, lazy slobbish then I realise that my self esteem had been stripped and had been at a low for a long time.

On this shopping trip D6 was dancing in front of a security camera because she could see herself on a TV screen, when I moved beside her and saw myself on the screen I thought wow !!! is that you Lan ? I looked like a really cool dude, I actually liked what I saw. For the rest of the trip I was checking myself out in the shop windows, strange eh.

I had to share this experience with someone so I phoned SIL to tell her. She said to me Lan, your chubby face disappeared some time ago, the difference now is that there is a smile on your face.

For some reason I still had the image in my head of someone who was 20lbs heavier. I felt like the ugly duckling seeing it's image and realising it was actually a beautiful swan.

Has W noticed these changes, well at the moment I don't know, maybe don't care because if she doesn't want me as I am someone else will.

So focusing on yourself works for me, it's right up there with GAL, PMA, Act as if, fake it til you make it, all of these have to be done otherwise you won't survive the rollercoaster ride.

PS I do want W to notice.

[fb2]

PS I do want W to notice.

If she has anything remotely like a mind and a heart she will.