Being loved, not being sexually desired, is her motive".
I think this is ridiculous. Her motive is to have children. You can twist, subjugate, suppress, quash, but thats her motive. period. That often happens in the presence of desire, despite all logical contradictions. Maybe if he said being loved is her desire, and being sexually desired is her need.....
however, using my big sis, mojo as an example, she did want to be loved for her pilgram soul when in a LTR. She really isnt so concerned with that in her current dalliances.
I dont like how he writes about women from just those fragments. Its appears as if he is giving them princess passes. Like they are not cognizant human being's, responsible for their actions.
None of these necessarily have any connection to his qualities as a person-the thing that most women believe is the major priority."
Beliefs are irrelevant. Words uttered are irrelevant. Actions are truth.
A man is a success object, who is attractive to the extent that he can be a rescuer, a protector, and a provider.
I agree with the first part, but not the desciptors. Those are objectifying descriptors/attributes, possibly envy inducing, but not desire inducing attributes.
Men who are sexually succesful are not rescuers/providers.
I'm not so sure that most people seek love. I think most people seek approval. And we confuse that good feeling of being approved of as love. Hence, the 'honeymoon' stage. Who wouldn't feel good when someone is telling you that you are the greatest thing they've ever met?
THAT is what we miss when the honeymoon wanes. The constant positive feedback and approval. Since most people don't approve of themselves, first, when that goes away... you don't feel so good in the R anymore. Sound familiar to anyone?
Not to me. But are you saying you married your H during the "honeymoon" phase and then realized it was not really love? .....so there was no love and no sex?
Men who are sexually succesful are not rescuers/providers.
I would have to disagree with you in principle. Being the baddest boy in the bar has a certain appeal (as long as it is perceived, not necessarily demonstrated), and that appeal is protection. Many women are very attracted to rescue workers and many are attracted to the guy with the money.
My first thoughts were "It sounds like it was written from a 'Nice guy' point of view" :-)
Regardless of how overly broad some of his assertions are, there is some truth imbedded therein.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
Not to me. But are you saying you married your H during the "honeymoon" phase and then realized it was not really love? .....so there was no love and no sex?
Yep. I was 23. He was 39. At the very least, HE should have known better... we got married for all the wrong reasons.
ETA: And then I 'grew up' and sh!t really hit the fan.
I don't think you would find one person on this board that would say they would rather be sexually desired than loved. And that includes those with the highest sex drives.
being loved requires intimacy. there is no intimacy with rose colored glasses on, because you arent seeing the flaws. However its no more anyones job to take away someones rose colored glasses then it is to take responsibility for any other part of their perspective.
Truth is in actions, not words. What is the truth of the actions of those here with the highest sex drives? Do they have intimacy or do they have sex? When they had the opportunity to take being loved/ intimacy/ exposing their ego to the next level... what did they choose?
Ive said the above before, and Ill say it again. I just want her running hot. My actions back it up.
I dont know why women tell me thats not what I think/feel. They are wrong, but even if it werent, its what I DO.
The last time Mojo and I had this discussion, she tried to throw me a bone and said ....maybe she can fall into the habit of loving him.
When she said that, I was curious how hypothetical man feels hypothetical womans habit of loving him, when she is off banging some other dude, or even just holding him sexually hostage...(which is his choice to allow that) and I say this knowing full well that the sex is not the (acknowledged) important part to her.
Marriage is a choice. its not a habit.
I dont expect her to feel respect, love, or any other emotion like I do. Ill take her desire. I can see it, I can taste it, I can smell it, I can feel it. If she doesnt have it for me, I will give her the opportunity to go find FITB (what ever she is looking for) with someone else.
hmmm. x still had desire for me at the end. It was obvious. (maybe it was just a habit? ) She said... I cant trust you.... duh... Thats what I had been saying all along. So ... desire isnt enough either.
It's a shame Lil's too drugged out to participate.
Lil raises head from pillow... head turns in direction of voices...
"Drugs...good...
Head falls back on pillow... snoring resumes
There's a note in her hand. Hairdog picks it up and reads it aloud:
Quote:
NOP asked: "If you could be completely loved by a man, but sexual desire was absent, would that be an acceptable state of relational existence for you?"
believing_isaiah replied: "No. No. No. Never. Yet here I sit."
Lil added: "Ditto this."
Having a man desire me makes me feel normal. It makes me feel like I'm a normal functioning member of the human race. Yes, there is a large element of validation there. The "love" is more important, yes, but love without desire from your romantic partner is missing something important. If the guy can't get an erection, there are other ways to show desire. We've talked about this on threads about ED. If he couldn't do ANYTHING, then I'd at least like to hear that he wishes he could or would like to or something about my attractiveness. Being with a guy who loves you but not in a sexual way is like being with a friend, a brother (I'm surmising since I have no siblings) or like Will and Grace. Frankly I think Will and Grace have a great relationship as FRIENDS, but it would not be enought for me as a woman.
Not irritated with *you*, NOP. Just with Dr. Sweeping Generalization there. I was just caveating my strong opinion 'cause you posted it and choc dug it; guess I don't really have to do that since we're here to have strong opinions ....
Thanks for posting it, anyhow, always interesting to consider divergent POVs.
And I could not agree with you more about no special privileges for either gender.
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes. Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert
Ive said the above before, and Ill say it again. I just want her running hot. My actions back it up.
How's that working for you in your current LTR?
Quote:
Marriage is a choice. its not a habit.
Where I'm from, dating is a choice. Smoking is a habit. Marriage is a commitment.
Quote:
I dont expect her to feel respect, love, or any other emotion like I do.
That's good, as she isn't you. But I'm sure she'll have her own version of it. If you bother to find out what they are... it might be interesting to you, if for no other reason than it would be a different POV to consider and examine. In the exchange, you might even expand each other's worlds.
) She said... I cant trust you.... duh... Thats what I had been saying all along. 
