I would like to follow a few threads on the MLC but am a little overwhelmed with how long many of them are. I am a little pressed for time (what with the newborn & 2 yr old!) and would like to know if anyone can recommend any particular threads that might be helpful for me in my sitch.
I have JUST come to the point where I am ready to accept the fact that this is going to be a LONG LONG road for me. My H is pursuing living with OW and I must proceed to a lawyer ASAP for protection purposes both financially and for custody. I'm especially looking for a story to inspire me to keep the hope alive!!
Thanks! J~
M 35 H 29 M 4 yrs T 9 yrs D 3 S born 10/19/07 Bomb 09/10/07 Separated next day OW - broke up and H moved out 09/07/08 Status - still figuring this out
((((((((((((Jenny))))))))))) I am so sorry I have not read all of your thread just yet, But I want to tell you something about what my H said when he came out of his crisis, he said one day he woke up feeling this darkness move away from him and for the first time in years he had felt good he felt like time had passed him bye but he could not recall to much of what happen to him...and at that time is when I could see my old husband again,he had a lot of guilt for what he did, he wanted to make things right for me and him, he moved back home with me, but you see at that point I had grown tired and moved on, if I did not do that I do believe he would still be here with me today...and he is the one that tells me you NEVER know we may just land up back together again, if you would have asked me 4 years ago if my husband would have said that I would have told you NO WAY.. Hang in there Honey worry about you and your children right now take a seat on the curb and watch him spin out of control..
H got ripped a new by my best friend. He called her and she laid into him about the moves he made with the bank account that lead to a 45 minute rant of her telling him what an A$$ he's being.
He called me as soon as he hung up with her to apologise for the bank stuff and said he was reversing it all immediately. I think he got really scared about the legal action I was seeking as a result and started back pedalling quickly. That was all I needed and I started to rip him a new one (and I didn't even know about his conversation with my bf yet!!) I told everything that has been building in me for 3 months...I unloaded big time. At first he got defensive then he just sat their and took it...because he knew he deserved every bit of it.
I stood up for myself and it felt good. It felt good to finally express the anger that I so rightfully feel. I also told him that I have let our marriage go. It's not entirely true...but I want him to believe it is.
I have no idea what this incident will do to him at his stage of his crisis...if anything. Does anyone have any insight or experience with this??
I'm now in the process of trying to 'drop the rope'. I'm losing my grip...but I'm trying to let go.
As I've been told over and over on these boards he needs to go down this path if we have a chance at getting back together. He needs to pursue this with the OW for it to self destruct. And if we have a chance...it has to be starting over for a better and newer us anyway...so I have to let go of the old marriage regardless.
So...I hope today was an awakening of some kind...if not for him, then for me. It is so easy to say...not so easy to do. J~
I'm looking for some reassurance...although I doubt there is really any out there. I know that H is actively pursuing moving out of his Moms and in with OW. I received info today that the affair may have started 16 months ago as opposed 11 mths ago when H said. I guess this doesn't make much difference, but I thought it might just mean that Replay started sooner I thought. The stats on affairs usually ending within 6 months to 2 years...would this be from the time of the bomb or the time the R started??
The reassurance I am looking for is that this R is doomed!! Friends have started to tell him that he has slow down and he's moving way to fast...even for his own good.
I still can not fathom that he is willing to give up the bond with two such young children all for her. Can she really be that great or is he this dilussional?? Sometimes it seems as though he is thinking quite clearly when he talks to others about his feelings and plans with her. But can he really see what he is giving up?
I read on another post that they often have to experience the losses weighed against what they're gaining (just her!) before they can begin to realize what they're doing. I know that he has to go down this road and living with her will most likely speed up the process of the R self destructing...but it is SO hard to swallow.
I'm sad for me right now, it hurts and the thought that I don't mean anything to him anymore kills me. But the kids...this is what is unexplainable. It's my poor D & S that I am aching for. One day they'll have to know that their Dad chose to walk out on them without even trying. How unfair.
OH MAN! I want reassurances that just aren't there. I have faith and believe so deeply that he will eventually reconsider...but this tunnel is getting longer!
Any insight from anyone who's been at the point where their WAS moved in with OP would be helpful. Thanks. J~
M 35 H 29 M 4 yrs T 9 yrs D 3 S born 10/19/07 Bomb 09/10/07 Separated next day OW - broke up and H moved out 09/07/08 Status - still figuring this out
Not sure what to say. I did this also. I did it for me and it felt great. After that things did get a little better with my H. I got better.
I made it clear I was no longer a doormat. I also went further and began to let go and forgive him. This also made it easier for me to talk to him. Sometimes telling it like it is helps.
Other than that, no one can really tell you what the future will bring. Just keep reading.
