W called as I was taking D's to school.. she had OM's D's weekend bag and wanted to meet me at school so I could take it in. Is she nuts? I told her if she was there when I got there I'd take it in (i knew she wouldn't make it). Sure enough.. got to school.. she wasn't there. Pulled in while I was inside. She took the bag in.. I passed her and said hello.
As I was leaving, she was coming out.. she called. Should've let it roll. She asked why I was being mean.. didn't understand the email.. asked if someone put me up to it.. asked if I was dating someone. I told her she couldn't have it both ways.. she said she wanted it both ways. She said she still loves me.. that her friend told her I still loved her. I said I did, but I couldn't do this anymore. Then we got into it about OM and how she lied about the girls being over there. She said she wasn't a liar and I wasn't going to make her feel like scum. I told her I had to go.. "You made your choice.. have fun with it."
I know.. controlling.. should've let the call roll.
So then I get the following text:
"Not trying to bug you, but jarhead really is a piece of wk. remind me to tell you about it!"
Idiot.. I replied "Wrong address.. I can forward to OM if you'd like" So.. I did.. games I know.
She responded "No. I'm sorry! You made me sad! I hate that this is the way it is. I love you and it hurts when we can't be nice. I don't need you to send it to him. I was venting-you hung up on me. It's not the same. I do miss that. But I'm not scum and I'm a good person and mother. Remember?"
I replied (after a conference call)"I never said you were scum. I know you are a good person and mother."
OMG she totally sent it to the wrong person!! I bet she gasped out loud when she realized it. I think you handled it as well as can be expected. You were calm, didn't yell, told the truth (still loved her but can't do this), and held your line. Well done. I don't think you are the 'piece of work' in this situation one single bit.
I canNOT believe she would ask you about that bag. Good for you for not doing it.
I'm amazed at how foggy she still is. Obviously my email deeply affected her.. is there an eye roll icon?
Unfortunately, I laid awake last night thinking of all that's happened. As long as she still feels justified, the course will remain the same for her.
I'm going to email my L to see what we need to do to push things forward. It sucks, but until she grows up, there is no chance for us. Looks like I may have to move to "Surviving the big D" soon.
She responded "No. I'm sorry! You made me sad! I hate that this is the way it is. I love you and it hurts when we can't be nice. I don't need you to send it to him. I was venting-you hung up on me. It's not the same. I do miss that. But I'm not scum and I'm a good person and mother. Remember?"
I wonder what would have happened if you would have told her you could forward this one to OM too! What would OM think of the "I still love you" part? Just a devious thing that ran through my mind!
Have a good day.
SueS
Last edited by SueS; 11/28/0702:53 PM.
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
I thought about it, but he's so classless it probably wouldn't even phase him. I'm still convinced he's using her. She's too blind to see it. The "it's not the same" tells me that.
I think the blinders are coming off.. she had it pretty good with me. I was a doormat and I'm sure he's not letting her do that to him. Him being gone on Sunday while they watched the kids tells me that. He'd rather do other things than spend time with her. Slap!!
Also.. I'm pretty sure this guy is a crummy dad. Hiring babysitters so he can go out, etc. W also told me that D3 peed on his couch and he didn't know what to do. Stupid!!
I'm sure I'm a MUCH better father.
So.. no response to the text. I also find it funny that she's in sooo much pain yet he's at work. That shows real love right there. I'm sure she's stewing in that right now. I'm working from home.. had we still been together, she'd be laying on the couch while I took care of her, the house and the D's.
Instead, the D's are at school.. her BF is at work, her husband has cut her off and she's probably at home crying in her bed.
What I took notice of was her "not trying to bug you" comment to OM. What's that about?
If she truly still loves you, she better figure it out quick that she is throwing away her life as well as yours & the girls'!
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
You are doing great. Keep doing what you are doing, my sitch is somewhat different but the essence is the same. My H said to me last night that if I had done what you did with the email to your W, he would have been out of the fog sooner.
Kind of agree with you on the kids. Regardless, she will ALWAYS be their mother. I think this comes back to "do what you would normally do - PERIOD".
But, I'm certain you've had enough response on this so.... on to bigger & better things, right?... lol
p.s. Ohio guys - Congrats on the Browns - if you're a fan of theirs. They do seem to be doing pretty well this year!
"GET BUSY LIVING OR GET BUSY DYING...."
And... for your viewing pleasure.... http://www.laughyourway.com/video/ Best video I've seen that helps define the difference between Men's & Women's thoughts.
Red.. that's funny.. any communication I've seen between them, she's ALWAYS searching for validation. The expected response is "Of course you are not bothering me sweetheart"
That's her self esteem.
D5 is killing me.. she keeps asking "When are you guys getting back together?"
She's maturing sooo much.. and for all the wrong reasons.
I can't imagine what she's thinking about or going through and that's what kills me.
W says she's not scum.. if she would only listen to her own daughter.
I keep picturing the future.. both D's are teenagers and can't stand their mom. It's very sad.
Reading Dr. Dobson's book, it talks about how children act out based on the level of respect they have for their parents. Soooo true. I've told W this many, many times. They push.. if you don't react well.. respect lost.
D3 is in these stages.. I've been a little harsher on her lately because of it. You know what though.. when she leaves here, she's got good manners.. rarely has accidents and goes to bed without a fuss.
Coming back from her place(s) they are a handfull. Takes me a day or 2 to line them back up.
