GGG- What it means to me.

[MJontheMend]

Hmmm. Interesting. I used to do something similar back in the dating days. I had a collection of really elegant black dresses and a face that can look dramatic if you spend time with some makeup (a woman's beauty is mainly art and attitude). The finished product looked like something decidedly Not Me. I'd wear them for dates with potential, and if their attitude changed to getting all excited and treating me like a great little accessory I knew it was time to drop them. I feel a bit of a kinship with Teddy.

It was unfair in a way, and even a bit of a setup, because of course men respond to visual stimuli, but there was just something about how they'd treat me after they say the "doll" that angered me. I ended up marrying someone who doesn't care one whit about the doll, which surpisingly leaves me free to play her on occasion. I'm an odd'un.

I understand. I have some of the same tendency but I am trying to overcome it in the interest of being a GGG sexual partner. I should make it clear that the real problem I had with Teddy was that I was still in my psycho-validation-seeking phase at that point and I wasn't communicating very well at all. Also, I did get a bit of a "I think I'm getting too old to deal with a woman as "bunkey" as you." vibe off of him. The last I saw of him his behavior was like that of someone returning a bunny to a cabbage patch or a puppy to a pet shop.

Anyways, I actually talked about the whole waist-to-hip ratio and other stuff like that with NG and GP and that's what makes it okay for me because then it's just like being willing to wear a French Maid's Costume or something like that. So, for instance, I once said to GP "I'm going to wear my white jeans when we go out today because they make me look "thick" like you like." and it's not even like I'm doing it to be a generous lover. I'm doing it because I know that GP will respond by saying something like "Mmmm. White jeans. Sooooo sexy." and squeezing my thigh in his giant hand which is what turns ME on. Also, I am upfront about my own "objects" of attraction and I do things like make GP flex his river-rock-like pectoral muscles for me. I don't think that GP "likes" that displays of masculinity are what turns women on any more than I "like" that my Ipex bra turns men on but he is experienced/knowledgeable enough to be philosophical about it. He just kind of puts it in the category of "things you gotta do to pay P.O.P." like complimenting shoes and being willing to see the occasional chick flick.

*********************************************************

Anyways, GP told me another amusing sexual anecdote. When he was an adolescent and his father realized that he had started "hitting it" he told him the following story.

A father bull and his son were standing on top of a hill surrounded by open prairie. The young bull said excitedly to his father "Dad, there's a lot of cows down there on the prairie. Let's run down the hill and f*ck one.". The father bull turned to his son and replied "No, son. We're going to walk down the hill and f*ck them all.".

[RedHeadWife]

MJ: remember some of us still aren't "up" on all of your abbreviations. Explain GGG to me, please thanks

[MJontheMend]

The sex columnist in the alternative paper I read sometimes uses GGG as an abbreviation for what all people should strive to be as lovers- Good, Giving, Game.

*******************************************************************

I'm responding to some combination of LP and Dom with the following. It would be paranoid of me to think that GP was cheating on me sexually because when I say he is like Lou in that regard what I mean is that he made it very clear to me that HE wants to be in an exclusive sexual relationship at this point in his life and actually he would like to get married for various reasons. Plus, he is uber-health conscious and therefore not likely to be at all casual or careless about such matters. He is very sexually attracted to me but I think the main reason he might want to be in a LTR with me would be that he admires my cow. The reason he admires my cow is that he is "old school" and would love to go back in time and live in a non-racist version of the 1950's. So he thinks that my 2bx was a loser and an idiot because he was married to a woman who wanted a "happy family life" and he kept cutting me off at the knees as I tried to achieve that goal. The main reason that he wouldn't want to be in a relationship with me is the same one Lou might have- I am currently manifesting as very weak lioness in the non-sexual realm because my financial situation is a disaster.

[MJontheMend]

GP pretty much looks/acts like a cross between Bill Cosby and Samuel L. Jackson. I am almost certain that he actually is a "man" in the Deida sense but is he the right man for me? Another question would be - Do I seem like the kind of woman who would be a good partner for a man who is a cross between the two types the celebrities I mentioned portray?

[RedHeadWife]

Another question would be: are you ready for a LTR right now/yet?

[SouthernGirl]

I understand. I have some of the same tendency but I am trying to overcome it in the interest of being a GGG sexual partner. I should make it clear that the real problem I had with Teddy was that I was still in my psycho-validation-seeking phase at that point and I wasn't communicating very well at all. Also, I did get a bit of a "I think I'm getting too old to deal with a woman as "bunkey" as you." vibe off of him. The last I saw of him his behavior was like that of someone returning a bunny to a cabbage patch or a puppy to a pet shop.

I've thought about it and have come to the conclusion that finding someone's bad guy past sexually attractive is actually quite innocent as far as primal reactions go. Nor is having a sexual reaction to certain visuals. Like I said I dress rather conservatively, but if I'd have gone on a date showing lots of cleavage and they had reacted to it I wouldn't have been either angry or disappointed, because it's something hard-wired into the male brain that it would be silly to disapprove of.

The reaction my doll fetishists showed were probably just as primal but somewhat more devious. The female equivalent would be a girl who fell in love with a man because of his Mercedes SLK and his bank account. There's a good way to become objectified and there's a bad way. This is the bad way.

[Burgbud]

Another question would be - Do I seem like the kind of woman who would be a good partner for a man who is a cross between the two types the celebrities I mentioned portray?

Why don't you trust him to decide whether or not you're a good partner for him?

... but is he the right man for me?

Another question would be, is this the right time for you? RHW asked a very good question. Do you want to be in a committed relationship on the day your divorce is final?

I suspect you might prefer is what a friend of mine termed "monogamy without commitment." Some of her guidelines for MWC were no overnights, no meeting the kids, dates plentiful but not assumed, movie nights on a not infrequent basis, plenty of sex and of course, no sex with anybody but each other.

My only concern with GP, and this is certainly no slight against him, is that he's very focused on being in a relationship. He's a strong leader, you're very attracted to strong leaders (especially coming out of your R with your STBX), and he's been leading you directly into a full blown R. He required some type of commitment before having sex, iirc. He has plans for merging your lives. I wonder if your willingness to follow a strong leader has gotten you in deeper than you'd really like to be. Perhaps not; I'm only wondering.

Whatever you do, don't do anything from a mindset of scarcity. You've already seen that you can get all the dates you want and you easily get into Rs with men with whom you're very compatible. If you were guaranteed to be in a relationship with someone as great as GP a year from now, or two years from now, or five years from now, would that change how you'd like your current R with GP to be?

(P.S. As someone who can relate to a lot of the post-M stuff you've gone thru...looking for sexual validation and relationship validation, worrying about finances and generally wondering if you're fit to be in an actual R in your current state...I think there's a lot to be said for a stretch of non-R time. If nothing else, it's harder to learn to self-validate when you're getting a lot of other-validation.)

[Dom R]

Making the assumption that this is your "new thread", MJ:

Okay, GP and I are still going out because I can't figure out if he is a bad bad boy or a good bad boy so I am giving him the benefit of the doubt. Anyways, I am 90-something % certain that he is a loyal variety of "bad boy" which I will call the "soldier". He is extremely nice to me but he isn't a nice boy because he will "kill" things if he has to.

a coupla comments:

1. being nice to YOU, doenst make him a "nice boy".

2. a man doesnt have to be a "bad boy", to be capable of killing if neccessary.
It's interesting that you term that type as a "soldier".
Because there are lots of soldiers, who arent "bad boys".

I'll note you didnt respond to my comments about you having a "bad boy fetish". I'm guessing that means, that there is something accurate in my comments, then

Maybe you think that you need a "bad boy" to protect you, go out and "hunt", etc.
Maybe that feeling of being "covered" is what turns you on ATM?

If you recognize that is what you are wanting, in your heart... then that is something that you can look for alternative ways/men to meet that need.
Which ties in to my statements that sexual turn-ons, can be changed.

If you realize that that [need to be protected/provided for], is what is driving that sex desire of yours... then instead of looking for "bad boys" to rev your motor... you can then choose to look for "guys who you know will take care of you and protect you".


Parting comment: You dont "end up with bad boys". you dont "attract bad boys". you dont "make bad boys".

you choose bad boys, and look to emphasize that nature in who you date, because that's what turns you on.

It's your choice.

You have the power to choose something else, if you wish.
Both in what turns you on, and also the type of man you choose to be with.

[SouthernGirl]

Well Mojo, I decided to let myself be inspired by you and test whether an Ipex bra and Ralph Lauren go together.

Early feedback from the target audience has been, shall we say, encouraging.

Thanks for the tip.

[MJontheMend]

The reaction my doll fetishists showed were probably just as primal but somewhat more devious. The female equivalent would be a girl who fell in love with a man because of his Mercedes SLK and his bank account. There's a good way to become objectified and there's a bad way. This is the bad way.

Maybe the reason you didn't like the doll fetishists was because "the doll" isn't a "true" sexual persona for you. It's not that you object to making yourself look sexy, you just don't want to project the kind of sexy that isn't your kind of sexy.