I haven't read it only saw it in the bookstore recently. It appears to be a book by a counselor that did a 25 year study on divorce and it's affects on children. From what I got off of Amazon it appears the author has significant research to indicate that divorce in most cases isn't the right solution especially when kids are involved.
Interestingly one of my wife's favorite aunts sent her this book earlier this week.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
I'd like to read that. I often struggle trying to figure what's worse for my kids, divorced parents, or seeing their dad mistreat their mom.
I mean if my daughter ever married someone like h, I'd be so sad for her. And, if my son ever treated his wife the way h treats me, I'd be so mad at him. (oh, by the way, h agrees with this).
But, divorce is SO hard for kids too.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
I think in that area, the study shows that whats best for the children, is that you find a way to resolve your husband mistreating you. Divorce doesnt resolve that, so it's not what's best for your kids.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
What is my daughter learning about how a man should treat her?
or
What is my son learning about how to treat the woman he one day loves?
And then you act accordingly to teach your children what is right.
No woman should not stay in a situation in which she is abused mentally or physically. This is not something to be DB'd.
If that is what is happening to you, it becomes more important that you teach your children that it takes a strong woman to say "no more" and hold her head up and walk out with them in tow.
I don't know your exact sitch but I wish you well.
I WISH someone would send that book to my H. When I first read DB it was like a 2x4 to my head as I was the one who first initiated a separation and divorce. After reading it I did a 180 but my H had already started an affair and really just pushed and pushed until I asked for a divorce. I see that now that he wanted me to do the dirty work in a way. I wish he knew how serious it has been affecting our kids but I do not know if that is my job to tell him? Anyways, I do not think I can handle reading another divorce book because I feel like I am the only one who really tried to save a dying marriage.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
That sounds awfully close to telling a woman to stay in an abusive marriage, Dom.
Surely you don't mean that.
It depends.
Abusive behaviour CAN be fixed.
It depends on whether the abuser is willing to see their behaviour as a problem. It depends on whether they seek help for it. It depends on whether the person "helping" them, is competant in that situation.
Note also, that "staying in the marriage", is not synonymous with "staying in the house".
PS: I object to you basing your question on gender. Women arent the only ones abused in a marriage. Nor are women the only ones entitled to get some safety space from it.
Last edited by Dom R; 11/21/0707:47 PM.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
