Continuing Saga...

[jmw128]

In an effort to avoid the multiple topics I have started, I will try to post all of my sitch in this topic unless I have a good "New Topic" question.

So, as a short update, she is a WAW, separated roughly 8 weeks, 5D, and she has papers in a lawyers office as of 2.5 weeks ago. She cannot file no fault/irreconcilable differences in our state and has no grounds for fault. So, she is in limbo unless she changes terms and agrees to my requests. Ironic I have 2 grounds for fault. Anyhow...

Today, she comes to get 5D today at my place. We were playing in backyard. Found a ribbon for 5D for kittens to play with and I said she can put it on the outside table if she wants. 5D is about 6-8 feet in front of me. 5D said no I want to give it to the kitties. She goes inside and closes the door. I then turn to my wife with all the confidence and strength, etc and say hey how are you, I got some videos 5D wants you to see. And she bitterly says, "You can't let her do that to me." I responded with, "What did I do?" Nothing else was said. Apparently my 5D ignoring her is my fault. My wife says she misses 5D and this must crush her. My 5D misses my wife but wants to be with me and has said it to both of us when she is at our respective places. I tell 5D that her mommy and daddy love her very much and then drop it. But I apparently am getting this blame also. I also drew a big circle around her not calling Saturday as she said she would pointing out the new church shoes and clothes I got because she did not call while I was gathering 5D things. I was nice about it but I didn't go crazy showing her either. I did show her videos as she was about to leave and she laughed and smiled at the fun 5D was having in them. So, a speck of a positive. She saw her 5D having a good time with her great Dad.

I also wonder if this is some guilt in her decision coming out. Perhaps, her new life is not the bed of roses she thought. Perhaps, she sees the man she always wanted. Regardless, my only option is to continue LRT because she certainly doesn't want to hear, see, or be with me at this moment.

[jmw128]

Not suprisingly, no phone call from WAW last night or this morning. The only contact I have is every 4 days when we pickup/drop-off 5D at each others residence. Otherwise, no contact between us has been made for 2-3 weeks. So, how do you judge when to make any sort of other contact? Whether it be a simple phone call to say how are you, or a simple card, or whatever.

[jmw128]

After talking to a friend of mine, they stated that my WAW does not want a divorce. They said that if she did want this divorce, she would change the terms and complete my requests to eliminate me as quickly as possible. Interesting observation. Also, WAW has not harassed me about getting my stuff. In fact, nothing has even been moved. I would think she would want my presence removed from her life completely. Another positive I suppose is that she has not mentioned papers since she they were completed 2-3weeks ago. You may recall she cannot file a no fault/irreconcilable differences divorce in my state. In my state, both parties have to agree to this before a judge will look at it. So, I would think if this is what she wants, she would do whatever it took to end things. In effect, give me what I want so she gets what she wants. Perhaps, status quo is not the worst position I can be in.

More time and space for healing. More LRT, GAL, and more personal growth to prepare for days ahead.

[jmw128]

Wednesday afternoon got papers in the mailbox. If I don't sign them it says the lawyer will file suit on WAW's behalf. She cannot file no fault/irreconcilable differences in this state. So, I guess the threat is to make-up fault grounds. Terms are crap...1) 2 days a week with 5D, 2) ridiculous child support, and the thing that shows how hateful she is becoming 3) 5D not allowed to go to my parents house overnight. I am a good father and to not spend equal amount of time or money with my 5D is unfair. She even says that we have agreed upon the division of our stuff. Seems to me, she justs wants 5D and money. Not at all thinking of 5D and her best interests. WAW does not even realize her own unhappiness is in great part due to her new job and the hours she is working. She is letting it take everything that was very recently important away. Sucks that despite it all I want to work it out but her heart has turned. I think she just does not care. I think she is comfortable with the idea of living alone forever. Thus, considering restoring our family is not even in her thoughts.

[mako]

Sorry jmw.

Seems like restoring the M is the last thing in her mind, so you've got to focus on what's right for you: a fair agreement you can be somewhat happy with, and fighting for what's best for 5D.

Don't give up on working on yourself and trying to make yourself happy. And keep being a good dad...

[jmw128]

Working on it. Thanks mako. Perhaps, she will reconsider one day. 5D told me WAW said, "Daddy might come home someday, but look how happy he is now." So, maybe she is noticing my changes but I think the things she has done such as all bills in her name, new car, these papers, probably borrowed money for them, etc...will make it very difficult for her to reconsider. But I am working on my life, by GAL, being a great Daddy, and maybe one day she will try. Prepare for the worst, pray for the best. GL2u

[bhopeful]

JMW, keep some hope buddy and try to be more positive. Remember, In this world nothing is certain but death and taxes.

[jmw128]

Every time I get hopeful and draw all the positives I can from a situation, she does something a few days later that brings all the negative back. I am getting all kinds of crazy advice such as file myself, sue her, fight the war, etc... things I need to consider/prepare for BUT I want to restore my marriage and not engage in some heated bitter war that tears families apart, alienates everyone, and certainly dooms any chance for reconciliation. Difficult because you need to know what to do but you have no clue what to do because you never thought you would be here.

My plan. Getting two more legal opinions/options. Continue LRT. Be the best Dad I can be. Continue GAL. And hope and pray.

Thanks for input. And gl2u.

[jmw128]

I really do appreciate the post bhopeful...you are right...nothing is certain. Any moment she could reconsider her choice and find that flickering flame in her heart.

gl2u

[dh4320]

Hey there,

I think you are trying to disect your situation too much. I have been here off and on for 6 years. My first M ended in D but we did reconcile for 6 months b4 D, i didnt stick with the DB, now im back with second M but this time i have kids. I dont think u should file first, i had to because of my wifes postpartum and she did not take her meds. She took off one night with the kids and to get temp custody i had to file in order for the judge to grant it. Did i want to, no she did not leave me any choice. So unless your left no choice but to file then dont, keep fighting the fight....

D