I'll try real hard to make this a short story! M: 20 years DH & I were best friends. Talked hours a day on the phone. Told each other EVERYTHING. Us against the world, we're on our 4th state to state move in 3 years. 1/07 he hired this HW 2/07 HW told him she wanted to f*** him at a conf. that was job related. He took her up on it in the suite the company provided him. 3/07 I catch on after seeing that he had taken a personal day earlier Hmmmm, where COULD he have been??? I did get the consolation dinner out afterwards though. Within 24 hrs he swore he would stop, he was lonely, it just happened, he had been unhappy for a year and was leaving anyway. SSSD 4/07 HWs H call my DH. My H offers up this gem "I know you guys are having problems, she and I are just friends. My wife was not happy about it and I know better than to talk intimately to another man's wife. But, she feels like she can confide in me. I'd be happy to sit down with you both if you'd like. WTH? I can't believe the redneck didn't come over and shoot him. From that point til now it's been a trainwreck. A couple months of "I swear I ended it, to she's my best friend and I'd be hurt if you forced me to not be her friend." Eventually reaching the point to where he wouldn't say anything to me other than "I want a divorce" he started staying with her a couple nights a week. Nearly drove me crazy. I nagged the crap out of him. (Didn't do my research early on, I've always been the opinion he listens to and I thought I could talk sense into him.) Finally let it all go, told him I just couldn't worry about it anymore and WaaaaLaaaa he valued our friendship too much to lose it. He told HW we'd always share a friendship & a past. Wanted to take me out to dinner once a week, talk daily and spend weekends at my house. Whatever dude! After a few weeks of this he tells me he's realized it will never work with HW and was thinking we could try again. I agreed, had a good couple weeks and since then it's the same old. Should have totally been harder to get! About once a month he informs me he's ended it. Shouldn't expect any calls from her! It's over. Sometimes it lasts as long as a week. Big time fence sitting. I just found DB and have ordered the book. Started the 180 already. On the advice of a friend I had put a recorder in his car. YIKES, first I'm pizzed and hurt, then I'm shocked. Let's just say, I didn't know you could physically DO those things in a Nissan. After biting my tongue for a week with him going on & on about how it made him angry when I accused him of things he didn't do, I confronted him this weekend. (I know, I know. I promise, no more.) His response? He laughed and said "that's nothing. We're not having sex! See you just got yourself upset over nothing!" First told me we were going to make it work, got POd later and said I would never let it die and he was leaving. We're through. Came back a couple hours later. Got up the next morning, said let's get our separation papers together, this will never work. I said good. I told you last night, I'm over it. When & if you commit to lay off, I'll talk. I won't give HW one more minute of my time. I've wasted too much already. He suggested we stay in the house together. That's his usual, he wanted to do that last time. I said no, didn't feel good about that. You wanna leave, you need to leave. He just sit there. Then I said, I'm not really interested in a divorce. You have two options. Get your things and go or you can stay til 01/01/08. You say you don't have "that kind" of relationship with HW anymore and that you are working on eventual NC, prove it. I will not discuss it again, I'm moving on. With or without you. When the date hits, if you've truly done that, great we'll work on the M. If not, ya gotta go. He said "I'll think about it." I grinned and said whatever. He never left, I spent the day being REAL busy. Didn't have much to say. I don't think he knows what to think, which is exactly what I was looking for. Long post I know, but I have months of frustration!! Obviously no more R talk for me! I also made it a point not to call him & he didn't call me this AM, first time in several months! Not going to take care of laying out his clothes etc. Had been already doing some things like self improvement and PMA just on instinct. Any ideas? Be gentle.
oops! Sorry, in a hurry. He was on his way home & I was trying to hurry! Still living together, I ask him to leave a few months ago. He left for a week or so, I let him come back. (I know, I know) During the time he was having his sleepovers I had papers drawn up and thought we were just sharing a house. Since he has stated that he knows I would never allow that and he can't do that anymore. (Like he's doing me such a favor!) We have 4 girls, 3 still at home. My D18 has been enrolled in 3 different high schools! We've done all this for his advancment. I'm a little bitter that we've done all this, moved 1000 miles away from all family and friends. After finally getting him where he wanted to be, he does something that could totally screw things up!!!
Thanks, yeah my sister said it has totally freaked her out. She thought we were the perfect couple and he was the one guy who would never do this. I've never even had a seconds concern 'til now. Does he want to work it out?? Hmmm, when I look at all the BS I think of course not or we wouldn't be here. But, I get that this is not my H, this is cheater guy and they are not the same person!! In his own way I think he does. He's always had a problem accepting limits. If he wants something he bulldozes 'til he gets it. Makes for success in the workplace, not a great thing at home. But he's never been demanding at home, always reserved it for work. He has said "I'm my own worst enemy. I know this would never work, I know it's a bad thing. I know I cannot have it, but in some way I just keep hoping I can keep some of it." I've always said that he pushes everything to the nth degree. He is somewhat PA so he does not respond well to demands. I do see things that make me think he's trying. She isn't allowed to call or text during home time and he used to come up with any asinine excuse he can find to go to the store so he can be sure and call her on weekends. For the past couple weeks he either doesn't go, leaves his phone or gives me the phone and asks me to make note of the call timer so he can be accountable. Early on,at one point he actually pushed me out of my bedroom and CALLED HW from my bed. Those were bad times! I realize he does much better when I'm laid back about it, but that's easier said than done for me. (He always said that was one of the things that attracted him to me, I've always been pretty spunky. I've never let him get away with crap) but I try. He did agree to counseling at one point, then later said he didn't want to go because I was so incredibly smart he knew I could talk circles around a MC and it wouldn't be fair. Then he told me I had wasted my life because I was far smarter than most counselors and even knew more than them. Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha I'm STILL laughing about that one. I told him if I was that smart I wouldn't be putting up with his crap. I told him last week that if he was crazy in love with the HW there wouldn't be anything that could keep him away and if he really detested me- no way he'd stay in the house. He has moments of sanity where he'll seem normal. My friend said he confused her. One day she wants to take up for him and thought he was really trying, the next she thinks he has no interest in changing and is just screwing me over. He flip flops between ILY, ILYBINILWY and I don't LY at all. He has said that just about the time he starts to feel "warm and fuzzy" I bring up the A and screw it all up. He doesn't want to leave at all. He came home tonight and talked like old times. He always talks about future plans, moving, retirement that kind of stuff. Tonight he was telling me about his plans for the next conf in January. I couldn't help but think "Ughh yeah, do ya think you're still gonna be here then?" Apparently, tonight he's in the "be faithful" mood?
