Back at DB/new marriage new WAW

[dh4320]

SO here i am at the office again while my W spends time with the children, we exchanged a few words(not angry) just information, she seems a little happier today, not so down maybe she is letting the anger go a bit, also spending time with the kids i am sure helps her. I am keeping the house looking tidy and keeping the kids happy. I know when she gave the kids back a week ago she probably thought i couldnt handle it but i am doing fine. So we have 4 more days until the hearing we will see what happens.

[dh4320]

Came home when her time was up with the kids, she got them dressed up for church(went down to my brthers church just me and the kids) I asked her how she is doing, she started to cry. She said how do you think im doing. I asked her if she needed money, she didnt say anything so i gave her a 100 dollar bill and a gift card worth 50$ to Kohls. The R talks started, i didnt beg or anything just asked her if she realized what was going on. She stated9again that she does not see us working out, she said our whole relationship was a mistake(painful to hear) but i responded with the R was not a mistake but we have both made mistakes in the R. she did not respond. She said i was wanting her back or the decision to wanting her back was basedd on emotions, I told her every move she has made in the last month was based on emotions, she couldnt respond. I told her we have disconnected and that i know we can reconnect some day. She said well maybe in a few years we might find that we need to be together. not the answer i was looking for but at least our talk tonight was not anger. But again we only have 4 days until the hearing, which could get ugly. I will keep posting, any thoughts out there???? no one seems to post for me.

[dh4320]

felling so so today. It gets harder sleeping at night and not seeing my W there next to me. I guess the only thing i can do is somewhat give in to what she needs right now and go with the flow.....

[dh4320]

W and i had a long talk last night, she said some hurtful things, like the tears from her are not for us they are for her, she is still dating OM who is still married himself and i think or i am told he is giving her the cold shoulder a bit, but she is acting like everything is good. In any case i thought over the weekend do i really know if i want this woman back right now, she has a lot of issues herself that she needs to work through so i am detaching and supporting her decision. We talked last night about working through the custody and helping her get on her feet without having a nasty dragout divorce. I suggested a separtation for now, but she says a D is more suitable. I still feel like this is not the woman i married its an alter ego or other personality i am dealing with, which actually makes it easier to deal with the situation. What do you guys think??? about this approach

[LostInMN]

dh, I hear you about wondering if I want this stranger back in my life. Last night as we discussed custody and splitting the assets and property she had no heart whatsoever, just the cold hard numbers. Things that we spent days or weeks agonizing over to decide on a couple years ago are now inconsequential. It's almost like she is a vet discussing surgery on someone else's pet; very detached and analytical. She says she wants to make this as easy as possible, as inexpensive as possible, but make no doubt, it's happening one way or the other. I not only don't know this person, I don't like her very much.

[dh4320]

Lost,

You and i have a lot in common, at this point i want to do whats best for my kids, She is the one leaving a good thing so i will let her go and if she comes around and its not too late then i will deal with it then..

[dh4320]

Well,

Since our talk last night her friends have told me she is smiling ear to ear. The fact i have agreed to divorce on terms we can both agree upon, she seems so happy, and it hurts. But she is going to have to do a lot of things now. she has been a stay at home wife for 5 years, i earn enough money that she did not have to work. We have only been married less thatn 2 years and in the state of texas she is not entitled to spousal support, so i told her i would help her for a short time so i am giving her the rope but i think she will hang herself with it. How can she be sooooooo happy now???????? help

[dh4320]

bump

[dh4320]

Hi all,

My W and I spoke more last night about an amicable split. I am not cutting her off at the knees, but i am not going to make this easy for her either. She tried to get me to agree to more support(financially) than we talked about sunday night. Every time i would say i wont pay for that, she would bring up something in our relationship i did wrong. I think she is trying to still justify leaving. I stayed calm and told her to drop it, we dont need to discuss the past, you want to leave so lets see how we can make that happen. I am detached but its hard to be loving at the same time. I dont like being taken advantage of or being manipulated, so i buried my legs in the dirt and am standing firm on this. I didnt ask for much except the psych evaluation, she still says why do you think i need that, i respond with the fact i dont believe she is stable enough to handle what she says she is going to do, move into a new place, get a job, go back to school and want to be primary parent, she thinks she can handle it, she will fall on her face. Not that i have never supported her, but she has given up on everything she has done were she jumped in head first. She made the comment that she has had to deal with more stressful situation b4 we were married, i said you didnt have two babies. Last night was the first night i did not let her run the show i ran the show. it felt good, and i question myself daily do i really want this whack job back as a wife. not now, again her alter ego has taken over and i now dealing with someone i dont like very much, i do miss the woman i married but thats not who im dealing with now. what do you guys think about the way i am handling this..... input please thank you

[ann25]

Hi DH.

I'm new here, so I can't say a whole lot, but it does sound like you've given her every chance in the world at being friends through this. Now that you are giving her what she wants, she wants more. Good for you for not being worked over by her attempted guilt trip!

Maybe one day the aliens let her go and your wife will come back, but good for you on detaching and dealing with the craziness here and now...