I am drained. Had an 'out of the blue' R talk today. It whipped me.
H and I were sitting together in the same room (kids in school) and I blurted out "Either you tell OW to stop calling our house, or I'll tell her.". I wish you could have seen him, practically fell out of his chair. He was totally busted. I told him I wasn't stupid, and I can't stop some things, but will stop that. I told him I might just call her anyway, just to make sure she knows I am serious. If anything, maybe she'll pee in her pants, worried that I am going to call her H.
That led to an R talk, the highlights:
Him: *he misses me, angry with me, wants me back, wants to run away *went through his usual list of complaints about me *is CERTAIN I am: cheating on him and hiding money (said he wouldn't blame me for either. WTF?) I told him no to both. *has wanted to leave but didn't want to be the a$$ before my birthday, then before Halloween, now before holidays. *is scared that it will get nasty with the girls/money *misses our friendship *isn't worried about the girls' adjustment at all (if he separate), thinks they'll be fine
Me: *can't be his friend right now (anti DB but true), but can be friendly and co parent together. Did say I missed his friendship. *the fact that he is still seeing/talking to OW all this time hurts more than the initial bomb (he cried here, I never cried) *I would have more patience with him (waiting for him to figure himself out), if there was no OW. To me, that means there is really no decision to make *I know he doesn't care about me/love me anymore (told him not to answer or say anything, I have learned not to ask questions I don't want to hear answers to) *I don't deserve to live with someone that thinks so low of me, that its not good for me. *He does deserve to be happy, as do I.
We had to end it since I had to pick up D3 from school. Things ended fine. I thanked him for a few things: being consistent with some changes I have made with the girls re: bedtime, keeping up the house, fixing our cell phone problem, and saving us money in other bills (made some calls, switched us to a new company). Told him he was a great dad, and that if anything, we can do this nicely for the kids........
Hope you are doing Ok. Sounds like you got it out and he did too. Can you come over here and sit with me so I can have this same takl w my W in about 2 months. I needyou to keep poking me to do it ok?.
Serusly I hope you are feeling beter at least geting itout. I know how it is with unspoken tension.
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
thanks husband. The thing about these talks is nothing really gets 'settled', but sometimes you just have to talk about the huge elephant in the room....
lwb, you, once again, are my hero. I think you did what you needed to do, and you did it extremely well. I wish I were half the woman you are, I swear. your H is a fool.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
LWB, I sure you are whipped -- it's amazing what stress can do to you. On the other hand, on some level I know you feel good to have said your piece. Way to go!
