How Many Days to Go?

[Punktmann]

Don't beat yourself up so bad. Those things slip out sometimes. I just did it monday myself, after 3 weeks of keeping it together. I wanted to clap my handover my mouth right after I said it.

Besides, he said "Hope you ran over it twice then."


He should be sleeping it off right now.

Stay strong. You're great, not necessarily perfect.

((((RHW))))

[RedHeadWife]

Ok, crisis over. H sent me an email from work (he's never emailed me from work since he's been over there) and said that he is not mad, that he is not going to make a big deal about it and is just looking forward to getting home to the boys & me, he said it just surprised him when I made that comment. He also said I didn't need to make a big deal out of it either (as I apologized twice) -- in other words, just drop it and let's get on w/ it, which is what I was praying would happen.

Ok, 3 days to go if you even count Saturday. He gets home about 5:45 on Saturday, but we'll be so busy that I don't know if Saturday counts anyway

Another lesson learned the hard way. "Red, just keep your mouth shut; don't forget the 48 hour rule!" I think I was just so worried/scared about the whole thing b/c I made the comment w/o even thinking and it was absolutely unnecessary. I knew I was in the wrong in this instance no matter how I looked at it. I don't want to do this kind of thing ever again, let alone on a regular basis, or I know that would absolutely sabatoge our M.

[NikB]

((Red)))

I can see how it'd be so easy to make it a big deal!!

Saturday doesn't count..hehe. I'm excited for you, your H, and the "homecoming." Have a wonderful time!!

[RedHeadWife]

I just cannot believe it's already here! I'm so excited, but also a lot apprehensive. I think I said before that, when I went to visit him, it was just the 2 of us on a little honeymoon. Now he's coming back to "reality" w/ the boys, *our* life, etc. I need to get over worrying that I'm not going to be enough or be what I think he wants me to be. I need to just keep reminding myself that he loves me, tells me constantly he loves me and that HE has told me that he is very *sure* of us and our M and that's all that counts.

[Punktmann]

I need to get over worrying that I'm not going to be enough or be what I think he wants me to be.

Don't worry about being "what he wants," he says he wants you. Just be yourself putting in a real effort. That'll be more than enough.

[hurtandlost]

Hi,

You will do fine. It's just anxiety.
You have come this far, haven't you.

Wish you th best.

[peaceful_spirit]

Slow and steady wins the race. I know the feeling of wondering if you are "enough" for H. Just be yourself, but be aware of any of the behaviors that might be destructive to your M. Remember what got you two into trouble in the first place and stay away from those things.

But at the same time, be YOU. Don't try to be who you think your H wants you to be. Be YOU. Be loving. Be a partner.

Enjoy this time with your H and your family!

[RedHeadWife]

Journaling, I guess . . .

H has been home & has now gone back (left on Saturday). For those of you who don't know my sitch, H is deployed for a year. I know the next 3 1/2 mnths will fly by, but that's hard to see right now. It seems harder this time around than when he left the first time. S3 is having a really hard time also.

When he left last May, things had only been "ok" w/ us for about a month so I still felt as if I was walking on eggshells. Now that he has been gone for so long and was home for a month, things are definitely a lot better. We had our moments and I had my moments when thoughts would be triggered, but for the most part everything is absolutely wonderful again. I know he is definitely recommitted completely.

I think the hardest part, but what is actually reality, is how much work an M actually takes. I guess we all ended up in our situations b/c we didn't realize that and we're all lucky here in piecing that we have a 2nd shot at it. I tend to believe that one person ends up getting a lot of the "load," but I can also see that H seems to be putting forth the effort in his own ways.

My biggest problem seems to be that when things seem to be kind of "normal," I'm always afraid that H is going to get bored or decide that our life isn't what he wants again. I just have made sure that I keep us away from getting back into a rut and, even when things are "normal," that I am sure I am keeping the attention on our M that needs to be there day to day. I know that w/ the stress of work, the boys, just life in general, our M tended to get put on the back burner and I am just making sure that that doesn't happen again.

I know it will get easier each day having him gone again and, before we know it, he'll be back for good. I'm just having a hard time staying positive right now, but I know I'll perk back up here soon.

[Aud31]

((Red)) I know you'll perk back up soon too. I'm glad things went well overall with H's return. M isn't easy, no matter how you slice it, but neither is any other sitch--life just takes work! Take care of yourself today, K?

[RedHeadWife]

Oh, I also didn't mention the OW part of the sitch. She worked w/ him and one day while he was home, he went into work. At first, I was going back & forth whether to say anything. I finally just told him softly that it kind of "freaked me out" that he was going to see her again. He just told me that "Babe, you have absolutely nothing to worry about." So, I've written her off as not worth my time to worry about anymore.

For awhile there, I was wondering if my H was even able to be faithful after all the A's he's had, however, I know now that he is happy w/ me and our family and has no reason to cheat again.