I am convinced my husband is going through a MLC , even though he's not in ML - only 29. However, he is going through all the signs, and we may well wind up divorced. I'm trying to come to terms with this, but I don't really know what to think. Everyone says to leave him, even people on this board have said 'you're young, you don't have kids, just leave it behind.' Its hard, but at the same time I'm becoming more angry at him and the way he treats me, which makes it easier to let go of my marriage...
Anyways, my original point: What are the chances he'll go through this again? Do people go through multiple MLCs? I am talking about a MLC here and then another one 20 years down the road, not the multiple stages/regressions that occur in a MLC. I assume its possible, but not common. Is this correct?
Life transitions occure every 7-10 years--and age 30 is a standard transition time. These are times of growth and change within, if a person denies the changes, it can become a crisis.
And yes, some have tnedencies toward crisis at these times. If the issues are not resolved during a transition, they may be buried again--and you will think they are no longer issues--and resurface at the next transition. Major life changes often trigger a transition: birth, death, illness, move, job change etc. The transition crises also get worse. This is why you do not want to stop the crisis and pull the person out the entrance of the crisis-tunnel. The issues are only resolved by going through. That means things get worse before they get better.
I love most of what your therapist is saying. I'm big on No Contact. But I disagree that you should see other people. That's because I'm a Stander and I am married; to date someone else is part of adultery.
Your husband seems desperate to be friends with you and you are handling that well...responding sometimes, but not always; and not at all recently. This is how I handled it too.
Sweetheart wanted to be firends, he wanted to date the OW, his choice would have been to live at home and date her, but I said NO. I also said that if he chose to be with her he was thus choosing to not be with me--as friends or other. But WHEN (not IF) he chose to be an appropriate husband, I would be there. I told him I would not be friends with him outside of a marital context.
This doesn't always work. You need to feel that the person wants you in his life so much that he will eventually not be able to stay away. I knew Sweetheart was like this and knew the OW would be temporary--though temporary can be a few years.
Keep doing what your thereapist says--except for the dating part. Tell him that part is morally wrong (if that is how you feel).
Thanks for the support and information, RCR. I also don't want to date other people while married. For one, I just can't see it helping me, for two, I'm in no shape to date anyone, and I think it wouldn't be fair to them. I'm going to update my thread, but... it looks like things are going better after the last therapy session. o_O hooray for rollercoasters, right? >.<
