Input, WH and I own business together

[grid, lost]

I am new here and not quite sure of myself. My H walked out Oct 06 to be with OW. Our home had also become a house of crises (sp) overload. I had become disabled, loss of income, near loss of health insurance, debt over load do to medical, last of family died (parents), our business came to a stand still, H is suffering some mental illness. I am very ill so OW, friend, gets closer & closer. At last OW says to H, come I'll save you and go he did. I have done everything wrong until, DR.
Now, help, H wants us to best of friends, he should stay with his Lover, and we will all be one happy 3'some family!!!! I have to come in contact with him, our business, if I 180 this is exactly what he wants.
I now am being polite, nice, zipped my lips, and never mention OW. Help me, input please.

[micoms]

Be his friend, I read somewhere that most affair end before 6 months. Set some goals, work on achieving them. Make some changes for you. Eventually his A won't look so glamorous, your changes will make you feel better about your self. GAL, try to get out with friends or find new friends. Can you get out on your own. Tell him you're going out with a friend, go see a movie by yourself. He'll wonder.

I'm in the same boat as you, I'm recovering from bypass surgery. Hard to GAL when you're tied to the house.

[grid, lost]

micoms,
Thanks for your input. I just went back and reread my post. H left Oct. 2006. Just in the last 3 or 4 months has he become calmer and more talktive. Couple weeks ago I ask him how wanted to end our relationship. He doesn't really as he won't address anything. H can't deal with any conflic and married an Irish W. !!!! We have been together 20yrs. How can I be his friend when that is exactly what he wants me to do.? To quote H "we should all be able to be best of friends, I'll stay with my lover and we all can be one happy 3 some". I don't want such a relationship. Yet I have to talk to H nearly daily. micoms, by pass is not an easy surgery. Hope you are feeling better. Watch out for depression to try and set in. Watch yourself, your going to be great!

[micoms]

I know about the depression, I've felt it. 4 weeks out from surgery, I feel good, Can't go back to work until 1/15/08. I'm bored outta my mind!!

How long ago did the health problems, parents deaths (yours or his?) & business issues come along? All of these are issues a MLC. My wife is going through that now. I suspect she's had a couple of affairs during this, although she didn't move in with them. We're separated she lives with D24.

I wouldn't except a three part family. Does he still live with OW? Do you see him outside of the business? I would try to GAL. Easier said than done in our situations. Try finding something you've wanted to do and do it. Have you been to any counseling? Go for yourself if he won't go with you.

Are you pursuing him? If so stop. Remain friends, it will keep communication open. I'm new to this also, been lurking reading others sitchs.

[grid, lost]

micoms,
hi again. When my father had open heart surgery, of course no one tells him about the shock to his body and depression to follow. So he went way to deep into depression.
You must exercise as soon as Dr. says you may and only do what dr. says, no more and no less. Before you know it, you will be doing ANYTHINg you want. Yes, H is still with OW. They live in another state and he comes up to meet with clients, field work, etc. Or some how we have to talk on phone about our business. Although I am not able (health wise) to work very much in business. I had started back working "a little bit" just before he left. Now I will not go into the field with him. Told H. was just to depressioning and I had to stop letting him hurt me.
When H. is in town for business I can see him if I wanted to. For example he put a new furnace in MY house for me. lol Use to be Our house. We are really short on cash and god bless him he trys so hard to keep business expenses down. When in town I think he sleeps in a truck stop. We talk ok, as long as the R does not come up. We use to raise show dogs together. at least he signed over to me all rights to dogs ASAP as i wanted. Big game D lawyers play with the pets/ dogs. ie, want my client to give up rights to dogs, then you give him XYZ. so I am clear of that danger.

[grid, lost]

micoms,
lol, all these problems, disability, deaths, business, mental health, etc. lol, all started mid summer of 2001! I tell people the only thing the same in my life since then is I live @ same address! H & I were going to move to the country because of the dogs. A dream we have had for over 10 years. Well couple weekends ago I went to an auction selling contents, and parcels of farm land. I bought a nice piece of land. (money from parents estate I keep from bill collectors) Just can't believe H is going to walk away from this dream for a younger blonde and a one bedroom apartment! Say, micoms, what is it with MLC guys that they run off with a 20 yr their junior trophy??? Best I can tell he has never went or met OW family!!! how is that for a relationship, if tru . Wish some how I could find out more about them. Give me some idea if there is even a chance of H & M. Maybe then I could let go if I must. Are you and wife D? I will fight H if that is what he tries. Live in state he would be forced to counseling with me. What sort of feedback does D24 offer you? Either notice you are working on yourself?

[grid, lost]

micoms,
thank God you will be well and able to return to work!!! I am sure by now you are really starting to feel the isolation not working creates.
Sorry I've rattled on so. Thanks for listening.

[grid, lost]

micoms,
ROFL, without H what am I going to work on with a counselor???
need feed back from H.
Do have to say when he first left, H came back for C, no faked out he had come to counselor for M. I had been so ambushed with so many problems in the house. lol, the C. insisted I come back, think he thought I might jump off a bridge.

[micoms]

I think by seeing a C, they could help you deal with the sitch you're in. They can't help H if he doesn't want to go, but can help you. As far as MLCers running off with someone 20yrs younger, part of MLC is they see themselves aging in the mirror. By attracting a younger woman they feel younger. I read somewhere that when you hear the ILYBINILWY speech they are 50 to 75% of the way through their MLC. Wr

What kind of dogs do you breed, I have a black lab. She has a lot of problems with her ears, vet says food allergies.

My W& I are still married for now, bee S since 7/12, she filed for D on 11/09, but I haven't been served yet. I was think of talking to my W this weekend, I'll say;

E I want you to know I love you, I've always loved you and I will always love you even though I didn't show or tell you enough it is true. I have bee through some tough times since we separated as well as you have too. My love for you is so deep that I couldn't face the possibility of you not in my life. When we married I expected to marry only once and to remain committed to you for life. It has caused me great pain to see our relationship unravel and come apart.

I know you want to divorce and I know I cannot force you to stay and work on our marriage no more than I could have forced you to marry me. When I asked you to marry me I didn't beg, plead , bribe or twist your arm to do so, you said yes on your own free will. I have no choice but to let you go.This whole experience has been painful for me as well as you also, but we'll make it.

You were my first and only true love. We raised four great children together and have many wonderful memories that we shared. Don't loose site of those times. I will continue to pray for us and trust God will guide us.

As I said before I love you, have always loved you and will always love you. I know you must be going through turmoil yourself. I want you to know that I will wait for you. If ever you want to reconcile, I would love to work on our relationship. If that day comes nothing that has happened will matter, we will start from that point forward. For now I would like to remain friends. Please feel free to call and talk to me about anything.

With all my LOVE
Me



Is that too much? I want to possibly leave the door open. I'll continue to DB. I will wait but can't guarantee forever.

[grid, lost]

micoms,
well in your weekend chat, don't forget to say you are stronger now, looking hard at yourself & disgusted you could have hurt her ( I know W walked on you) BS with W. Plus I would add this is a new growth time in your life and wish could travel same road. Have read, she is correct no matter what you think and same for me. My H is correct no matter what I think....agree with them.
You know micoms, I have been rolling same thoughts through my head. If H & I get towards big D, as last effort (even though everyone says don't do this) I am going to ask H to read DB with open mind. ????? can it hurt. better ask on boards with those who have more experience at this.