I need help and words of wisdom. W is in mlc, we were seeing MC she confirms. Sitch currently S, she lives with D24, D's BF & GS. All she does is go to work and sleep. She works in a deli, hours 4AM to 1PM. She goes to D's house after work, sleeps until 4:30, leaves to p/u GS from sitters, back to D's house asleep by 7PM. She works almost every weekend. She has filed for the D but I haven't been served yet.
Should I drag my feet on the D or just go along with it?
It seems she is in depression or withdrawal stages now. She has had 2 or 3 EA PAs, I can forgive these as i understand they were brought on by MLC, not something she has control over. I thought she was making headway, she was more friendly towards me. She recently went on an annual girls trip to Gatlinburg, she stopped by the house, we chatted no R talk, told her have a good time asked if she needed money. As she left I asked for a hug, she gave me one squeezed me, i said ouch (I was 2 weeks from quad bypass surgery, it hurt my chest), told her it felt good. On her was to Gburg she called S26, while they were talking she started crying, he asked her whats wrong, she said she was depressed. Imagine on your way for a fun trip and you're depressed! After her return she hasn't contacted me, in fact she filed for D on 11/09. Guess a weekend of female bonding and male bashing changed her mind. So far I haven't been served.
Should I break the darkness and call or go see her? Any ideas as how to proceed would be of great help.
Thanks Mike
M 51 W 49 S26 S25 D24 D19 Married 27 yrs T over 30 S 7/12 D-bomb 9/26
You really are going to have to determine many of these answers for yourself. There are no guarantees here, or anywhere else when mlc is involved.
You really can't know what stage she is in, or will be in next. She could bounce back and forth all over the place for quite a while. Her reasoning for this D is probably anything but reasonable, but you can't say that, and you probably can't reason with her at all.
All you can do is decide to take care of yourself. If you want to talk to her, I have no idea what you would say that would have a predictable respons or reaction. You know her best, or at least you used to. What ever you decide, we won't say you did wrong. At this point anything is a shot, but don't expect too much.
Thanks W2s, I know MLC isn't carved in stone, progressing along step by step. I don't know if I drag out the D if it will give her more time to come out of her fog. I guess I'm just trying to find out what others have done and had worked. I know what works for some won't work for others but it will give me some where to start.
M 51 W 49 S26 S25 D24 D19 Married 27 yrs T over 30 S 7/12 D-bomb 9/26
Wish I could recall what worked for others so I could recruit some targeted responses. The truth is, I haven't seen much "work" here with the MLCers.
Jack_Three_Beans is the only guy that I can recall who had a WAW return from MLC. He helped his W out to her own apt and stoof for his children and their home. She is home now and they are working on things. He could tell you more about his saga and timeline. They did have kids at home and I think that is big.
The few others I can recall in recovery right now involved WAH, not WAW. Those MLCers stayed out of the home until they completed their crisis and chose to return to the M.
